


13 Steps to Disobey

by JongkeyWedding



Category: Jonghyun - Fandom, Key - Fandom, SHINee, jongkey - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 09:50:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16762753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JongkeyWedding/pseuds/JongkeyWedding
Summary: 13 easy to follow steps in how to fuck up in hiding your feelings for your best friend.





	1. Step 1. Stare at him until he notices you.

He was new to all of this, he didn’t know anyone or where he was, really. Kibum sighed and looked up. Light grey stones made a path to his new life. This was the moment he had waited for it for a long time. Somewhere he didn’t believe it himself.

He had made it. He was in Seoul, finally, here in the big city. With a new bag, coat and shoes. He was a new person. Here and now he could become any one that he wanted to be. This was the place to re-invent himself. He had worked hard, not straight out of high school but with more determination than anyone else. He had spent the year working two to three jobs while juggling extra classes.

It seemed to have paid off, his eyes lifted to the blue sky and he whispered a little prayer, thanking who ever was listening. University was no joke and he would do his best. After all, he was too big for his home town. He was too colourful and here he could be free. He wanted to create his own nest. Finally, be who he wanted to be.

“Bye bye Kibum. Hello Key,” He whispered to himself as he started to walk. It was time for the entrance speeches.

~~

He had never seen so many young people in his life before. Where did they all come from, how could the grounds be so big? Key wanted to panic but that wouldn’t look good on his first day. But he was lost. He didn’t know where his dorm was. That was going to be a problem since he had picked up so many fliers and books and everything. He was tired with emotions, his bag was way to heavy and his feet sore from his new shoes.

“Shit,” he hissed when he dropped more stuff, when he tried to get his bag more comfortable on his back. All this paper, he realised that he didn’t need all of it. he didn’t have time to read it all through. Would it be so bad if he left it there?

But there were so many people around he was sure someone had seen him. He bend down in embarrassment and picked up his soon to be trash. It was okay, first days never went well, everyone must be nervous. Key just huffed and got himself together. Now where was he going?

“Excuse me?”

Great did he not pick everything up? What did this person need? he was already getting a little annoyed with the whole situation. He turned to see who had spoken to him.

“Hey, do you maybe know where the first years E2 dorms are?”

Well, wasn’t that destiny. Tall handsome and cutely confused stood there in front of him with a piece of paper in his hand and a large sports bag over his other shoulder.

“Ah, I have no idea, but I’m also looking for that dorm, I asked someone earlier and they said it was this way.” Key blabbered when he realised that he had not answered the question asked to him.

The stranger cocked his head as if he had difficulty understanding what Key had said. He after all had all the rights and Key felt a blush creep up. He had spoken in such a strong dialect in his haste that it could take anyone off guard.

“I’m sorry, I’m new here so I don’t know but since we are looking for the same place why don’t we go together?” He tried again, this time speaking a more standard Korean.

A bright smile formed on the other’s lips and he nodded, hurrying to walk next to Key in the direction they were hopelessly going to find their new home.

“I’m Minho by the way. Choi Minho. I’m studying Sport management, I’m in the first year.” The other introduced himself. Hopefully they could be friends so that they wouldn’t be so lonely.

“Call me Key, it’s short for Kibum since there are probably a million Kibums’ walking around here. I’m in marketing.” He answered truthfully. Other than that they made small talk, like where they were from and small details about their life’s.

Minho was from Incheon, which wasn’t really that far. He could have stayed at home if he wanted to. But Key could understand, living in the dorms would give him a totally different experience of these crucial years. And it would save him hours worth of travelling and a nagging mother. He could go home anytime though, and Key was envious of that.

With asking about a little bit more, they finally found the dorm rooms. There was a large common room and cafeteria that was even more crowded. It seemed they were a little bit late. But after giving Minho his number they separated.

Key was guided to the cafeteria where a guy was standing on a table. He rose his eyebrow wondering if that was allowed. But it seemed that the guy had the rights, when he held open his arms and smiled with his eyes closed.

“Hello! Everybody! Everyone a moment of your time. I’m Onew and I’m from the student council. I want to tell you that I hung up the information of room numbers and such on the door and over there on the wall.” He pointed out the two places and Key looked around. With himself there were maybe 60 people around him. Was this going to be his class?

“We have all paired you up with a roommate from another study so that you will get to know more people. But that doesn’t mean that we are not all going to be friends! I have made reservations for all of us. Please read the notice papers and add yourself to the group chat to get all the information!”

That Onew fellow sure was a happy virus. Key rolled his eyes, never really got along with a person that was everyone’s friend. They were always so loud. He preferred a more quieter group of friends until alcohol was involved.

With that all said Key made his way to one of the notice boards to look up were his new room would be and with whom. He was happy to wait a while for the other people to look first so that he didn’t have to crowd around. Soon enough they thinned out and Key could read in peace.

Well, what were the chances. Room 524, roommate Choi Minho from Sport management. It was a small world after all. Yet he smiled, it was not as scary now. He was not going to meet a complete stranger in his room.

For the little get together tonight. He took out his phone while he read over the information. Where was this? he should really start to explore the surrounding of the university. He was someone that would get lost easily.

He unlocked his phone smiling when he saw a text from Minho already waiting there.

“I changed your name in my phone to ‘Room Key’ and then I had to laugh, I’m sorry for the lame name.” 

It was lame but on the other hand, he could see the humour in it. It was a good thing that he was already so easy going with his roommate. It seemed that he had an advantage already over his class mates. But that was not going to cut it.

He looked at the location of the get-together to typed it into his phone, looking at Naver maps how to get there. Hoping already that it wasn’t too far. But he didn’t really understand it, looking at the map. He after all had no talent reading them.

“It is not that far.” A voice joined his muttering and Key turned to be hit with a bright smile. What was his name again, Onyo?

The upper classmate had his crescent smile pointing at his phone. “It is near the metro stop exit 8. But if you get lost you can call me, I put my number there.” His finger rose to point to the notice again.

Key nodded, he might as well get some more connections while he was at it. just in case he got lost —the sunbae was after all offering. He saved his number and thanked him, yet after that he hurried to find his new bed.

It seemed that Minho was waiting for him, laying on the right side of the room on a bunk bed when Key opened the unlocked door.

“There you are, “Minho said and turned to him. Key was looking around himself before closing the door.

“I took this side of the room, if that is alright with you,” Minho continued, and Key just nodded. He didn’t see a problem, there was after all no real difference. He looked at the bunk bed that had a desk under the bed, a too small closet for his clothes just to the side. It is clear to him that he would not spend much time here.

“This is going to be cosy isn’t it?” Minho said as if he could read Key’s mind. The marketing student pulled a little disgusted face.

“I think we have to spend our time outside of this room,” Key said as he put his bag on his desk. It already looked too crowded.

“You have enough of me already?” Minho joked and the other laughed politely. That is not what he meant even if he knew it was meant as a joke.

“I mean, we can hang out in the cafeteria too? And I have been invited to drinks tonight.” The elder said even though they were the same age.

Minho sat up, his eyes kind. There was no misunderstanding. “Yeah, we can go exploring around campus, I don’t know it, and I will have to look for a part time job soon, I used to be a barista in my home town. I’m sure there are tons of café’s here.”

Had Minho been lonely this last thirty minutes? He was talking a lot and on such a fast track that Key had a bit difficulty saving up all the information. If everyone was going to be like this today, he was going to have a headache.

“I’m sure there are, but I don’t know where, we are still free tomorrow so we could look then. But I kind of have to freshen up since I took the train this morning and I don’t know when I will be back to night.”

Minho jumped down his bed and stretched, maybe he too had a place to go. “Where will you be?” he asked Key.

“At this chicken restaurant, apparently. It starts at eight,” Key said already looking through his bag for a better outfit.

“It’s only five, you have three hours to get ready.” Minho pointed out a little bit confused and more so when Key turned around with a pout.

“Yeah I know but I will get lost. So I need to leave early.”

~~~ 

And get lost he did, it was terrible, and he even left in time, hanging out with Minho for a bit longer. He should have arrived twenty minutes ago but he still wasn’t at the place where he should be, an hour after departing. He was in a colourful part of town and it could not be far from here. But all the lighted boards was making it all so difficult. It looked so different on the pictures he looked up that were taken in day light.

Should he call that sunbae who told him to call him if he get lost? Would he live out the shame? Well, he was already late, would it get any worse?

Wait, that kind of looked alike. With a last bit of hope, Key hurried around the corner where he must have walked passed a dozen times.

“Ah,” he said to himself when he finally saw the name of the chicken restaurant flashing around the corner of a small alley. There it was and with a place like that he was not surprised that he didn’t find it.

Without thinking too much and still a little in his high of finally finding the place, he entered. But he didn’t really needed to worry about it all. There was so much noise there already. What looked like the entire sixty people he had seen in the cafeteria today crammed in the little tent.

Key bowed his head and looked around wondering if there was still a place for him. He did, a place at a table with four other girls who were all too happy that a man joined their table. He would only realise his mistake after a while.

The girl seemed to be wearing a little bit too much make up and get all excited when they realised when he told them what year he was born. He was older than the chattering group, all from Seoul and good families.

Luckily their attention seemed short and they were soon enough gossiping about other guys that they already had seen on campus. Key started to wonder if it was their idea to find a future husband here instead of studying.

He got his beer and nibbled on the chips on the table. It didn’t seem that they would get chicken. After all, that would be a little bit too pricy. Beer would do, so Key gulped down his drink and just like the girls at his table passed his eyes over the people in the crowded place.

First thing he noticed was that it was more girls, young women with all types of looks. But his eyes scanned over them without taking up too much detail, he never looked too long at women, they didn’t interest him that way.

Soon enough he felt comfort when he saw a known face. The soft sunbae was sitting there, his hands not on a mug of golden liquid but a small glass with a green bottle next to it. He was laughing and it had forced his eyes closed.

Somehow it was making Key smile too. Maybe his laugh was contagious. After all that table seemed to be more lively than the one he was sitting on. Or it was just that everyone there was already good and drunk. Probably with all the bottles of soju on their table.

“Another beer?” Key was pulled back to his own table where a waiter was looking at him. He looked at his glass and realised that he was running low, very low.

“Please but also a bottle of Soju.” He liked it better when it was a bit stronger. With envy he looked back to the table that was the life of the party. Of course he should have gotten here earlier. Then he could have sat there. After all the guy had been very gentle with him.

Key sighed and moved his eye to the person next to his sunbae. Even if the rest were smiling this guy was not. He was drinking beer and paying attention to everyone while still he looked bored. He looked the odd one out, completely in a different style. What had really caught on was his hair, a shade so unnaturally blond it looked good on him.

Key’s drinks arrived and he mixed it so that he had something to do while giving the man he just found an once over again. The thing was that that person was handsome. He had large eyes and a soft nose, plump lips and looked so gentle yet his style contradicted that. The guy was wearing black, his ears pierced, a heavy chained necklace and was that a tattoo?

It was interesting, there were rings on his fingers and a bracelet that matched his necklace. He looked so fascinating, like a game of what didn’t fit in. Key didn’t mean to stare, yet he couldn’t help it. The way the stranger moved was also odd. It was to precise, like the alcohol had no effect on him.

Key downed his own drink to see if it would help him, yet it wasn’t as easy. He kept staring, absorbed in his new found toy. There was a tattoo, there on his wrist and then another one behind his ear. But what were they? He was too far to see in detail.

He started to compare the man to his Sunbae who was telling a vivid story to entertain the others at the table. Once or twice knocking into things with his drunken balance. The blond had not smiled yet but his eyes said that he was somewhat amused.

He didn’t laugh at the punch line, while everyone else did. Was it not a funny story, or had he heard it already? Key wanted to know. Why wasn’t it funny to the hot guy. Why was he using chopsticks to pick up the dried squid in front of him instead of using his fingers like everyone else.

Why was he so interesting? Key licked his lips staring without any guilt as he drank. The room was heating up, it was too noisy, and the edges were starting to get fuzzy. But he had something that was entertaining him.

All good things must come to an end and the stranger must have felt the prickly of a stare sooner or later. The blond looked up, straight into Key’s and their eyes locked. And it was like time froze, Key didn’t know how long they shared the gaze.

Those dark eyes seemed to ask questions that he didn’t hear over the chatter around them and he wanted to know more. He could feel his body leaning closer as if that would help him, as if that would silence the room so that he could hear the blond whisper.

Key felt himself heat up, his cheeks must be blushing. He was gone, maybe drunk. But that didn’t matter. The other blinked and the spell was broken and Key could breathe again. He clapped his hand over his mouth as if he was feeling sick and stuttered his whimper.

“Are you okay? Did you have too much?” One of the girls asked him and he remembered that he was at a party with four girls he should have been getting to know.

Key shook his head and then realised that that was not really a good answer. “I’m fine, sorry,”

Should he go to the bathroom? He could refresh himself with running some water over his wrists. He needed to cool down. But he thought against it when he realised that it was so crowded the bathrooms would be the same.

He should go outside, people would just think that he would go take a smoke. That won’t be good either. But then again, he could fake a phone call. That was more realistic.

He took out his phone and pressed it against his ear. Not understanding what the imaginary person on the other line said. It was easy to excused himself out of the crowd and he moved to the door without getting a second glance.

“Yeah, bye,” Key said just to conclude his call and ruffled his own hair. His ears were ringing and he sighed. 21:42 his phone said, it was not even that late. They would soon move to another bar or eatery.

Key crouched down. The night air was still crisp, not as warm as back home. But he should stop comparing it all. Seoul was completely different. People were different too, they acted different talked different. And it was tiring him out.

“You okay?” The door behind him had opened but Key didn’t look up. It must look like he drank too much.

“Yeah, just tired,” he replied. Still not really knowing to whom he was talking too.

“Wanna smoke?” The voice was a soft male’s voice a flick of a lighter said that he had already lit up.

“No thanks, I don’t smoke,” Key replied finally looking up and losing his balance. There, standing was the man that had caught him staring. A cigarette between his plump lips, his eyes again catching him.

“Are you okay?” He repeated and he held out his hand to help the other back in balance.

“Really, I’m okay, I didn’t even have so much to drink.” Key blushed, straightening up and brushing off his hands on his pants. He would have been fine if it was not this guy talking to him.

“You are not from here.” It was a statement and it was obvious. Key could almost roll his eyes but he didn’t want to be rude, not to this guy.

“Daegu,” Key elaborated, gesturing to himself and letting the other nodded as if it was something they had to agree on.

“You have good apples, and now banana too, I never thought we could grow banana in Korea,” the stranger said, taking the cigarette off his lips after giving Key a once over again.

He was glad the alcohol had already created a blush on his high cheek bones. Was he just checked out? No, that was not possible, or were people in Seoul so shameless?

All of a sudden, he felt self-conscious. Was his hair a mess? Did he look like he tried too much with the clothes he was wearing, did he have something on his face?

“Do you like the bananas? I mean I think I like the apples better. Maybe the bananas will get sweeter.” The stranger said, taking another drag.

It was not making any sense. Why were they talking about bananas of all things? Or maybe the blond was hinting at something. Was there something that Key was missing? An hidden meaning.

“I have not paid too much attention to the bananas.” Key said slowly, wondering if that was the right thing to say. He hoped that he didn’t offend the other.

There was a second of silence between them before the other shrugged.

“So, you are in marketing? I’m surprised of how many people showed up, usually when Onew asks anyone out he gets rejected, turns out people in his study are not so friendly,” the blond thankfully changed the subject even though Key was still lost.

“You are not in marketing?” He asked since it sounded like the hot guy was not.

“Naw, I’m just a friend that took pity on Onew, he is usually really awkward and doesn’t really know how to address people until he feels comfortable.”

Finally things were clicking together, the upper class man’s name was Onew, not Oyu. And this guy was a friend, and not in the same study, nor was Onew. Key made sure to save this information this time.

“What do you do then?” He asked not really meaning to sound nosy or rude, but he kind of did.

“Media production,” the blond answered now giving Key a little bit of an eye, was it irritation? Was he too intrusive? Was it an odd question?

“I’m in my final year, so is Onew,” he continued looking with a somewhat bored expression to how much he still had left of the cigarette. Did he want to smoke in peace?

So, he must be older, even though Key already figured that out. Still now he was even more uncomfortable to have a conversation. The younger looked down, not wanting to be caught staring again.

“So what do I call you? Daegu?” The blond broke the silence between them. Was that not a bit too harsh?

“Key, it’s a nickname but I like it better than my real name,” Key answered in a hasty blabber. He was surprised that the other was interested enough to asked to be on name bases?

The blond threw his cigarette away, not quite finished yet, did the taste get too bitter? Whatever it was it didn’t matter when he turned to Key and stuck out his hand.

“Hi Key, I’m Jonghyun, nice to meet you.” Jonghyun introduced himself finally with a dazzling smile.

Slowly though, Key took the hand offered to him and shook it.

“Please take care of me,” he said out of habit. Still not believing the change in character the other had. Jonghyun was a bit random and unpredictable. Yet somehow there was no doubt of a soft man under that leather jacket.


	2. Step 2. Share memories with him

The first week was stress. It was a good type of stress but still stress. There was too much information and too little time to wrap your head around it all.

Key had put himself in a café, one that Minho said was not too far and where he already had given his CV in the hopes for a part time job. If he would get it was not important right now, while Key looked over all the papers that he had gotten and trying to make sense of them.

He was trying to be a good student and organise himself before classes would start bumping steam. And it was not as easy as it seemed. Key had already made folders and notes for every class he was going to take, joggling between handout information and his own scribbles.

“You know the silent rooms in the library have better wi-fi.” A voice said but Key didn’t pay it too much attention before someone sat their coffee down on the table he was working on. How rude, didn’t they see he was busy? Key wanted to glare but the frown fell at once when he saw who it was.

“Jonghyun-shi,” he said as if he was now summoning him. Wait, did Key look alright? He didn’t remember when he last checked his hair. It was not sticking up weirdly, maybe he had some cream on the corners of his lips from his macchiato.

Key’s head rushed, and he could feel himself panic with a blush even if Jonghyun wasn’t paying him any attention. The blond was looking at his phone, like they didn’t know each other and Jonghyun just wanted to have a seat.

the brunette looked around himself and noted that the cafe was not that crowded. There was really no reason to sit here with him. Maybe Jonghyun didn’t want to look like a loner. But then again, Jonghyun wasn’t new, he must be popular with his style.

He was wearing black again. Well, dark ripped jeans and a black turtle neck with some English words that Key could not read. Most of it was hidden under his leather jacket. He was hiding his expression too, under a cap with three rings on the hood.

All in all, Key could only say that his style was on point. The style he would expect of someone in Seoul. But that still didn’t mean that he knew why Jonghyun was here sitting there across of him. Key blinked at him like he would disappear just as quick as he had appeared.

Jonghyun stayed silently scrolling his social media without ever answering Key. It was to the new student to continue the conversation it seemed. He put down his papers and picked up his now cold coffee cup. He would drink it only because it was too expensive to throw away.

“I’m not working on the internet right now. I’m just trying to get myself organised before classes,” he confessed and finally was met with Jonghyun’s eye. Did he say the wrong thing? It seemed that the blond didn’t take him seriously.

Up till now Key didn’t know if he liked the other. This was not helping —being really hot was only a plus point. Key only got strange fibes from the other. Though why was Jonghyun always finding him?

“You took a break from school, didn’t you?” He asked Key and the younger blinked before he realised that that was not a reply.

“I did, I wanted to make some money before coming here. Seoul is a lot more expensive than Daegu.” He replied.

“I see, what did you do?” Jonghyun continued. Why was he so interested in Key’s life? But then again, the brunette didn’t have to connect the dots yet.

“I worked in a couple of things. I worked at convenient stores, waiting tables and shop keeping.” He listed it all off his head. He had a difficult year behind his back and he was going to make it all worth it.

“You must have been busy, are you going to take a job here too?” Jonghyun asked, locking his phone and finally turning to him. It was an intense look, like Key had finally told him something interesting.

“I don’t think so, at least not until I know a little bit more of how university works. I don’t know if I will have enough time. And I also want to make some friends. I know no one.”

Jonghyun smiled this time like Key was falling into the trap that the blond had laid out for him. And it was only later that the brunette realised it.

“I can show you around you know, I told you I’m your senior. Plus I am probably older too. When were you born?” Jonghyun seemed a little bit too excited now. And it started to weird Key out a bit.

Why was this guy so interested in him, Key knew nothing about him? Even if Jonghyun was inquiring all this information. Maybe he should ask the same, Jonghyun had a strange sense of friendliness.

“1991. You?” Key finally replied, wondering if Jonghyun was going to answer.

“I’m your hyung, you don’t have to do the whole -ssi thing. It is uncomfortable. Just call me Jonghyun-hyung.”

A pout grew on his lips. Jonghyun was too smart it seemed. Why was he so strange? His eyes were sweet and he was cute when he smiled but he barely did so. He was interesting but it was starting to be annoying. He was not sharing anything about himself. Like Jonghyun was protecting himself.

And why was Key so attracted to him. The younger bit his lip. He had the campus to choose friends from. Was Jonghyun really going to be a good choice. He might as well try. At this point he had nothing to lose.

“Well Hyung, you know Onew sunbae well, are you roommates?” He asked, remembering that Jonghyun and Onew were friends.

Jonghyun smiled again but stretched in his chair, that broke their eye contact.

“I don’t live in the dorms.” He simply said, like it was a strange thing for Key to assumes something like that. But the younger was only blinking waiting for more information that he had to say something else.

“In my first year I lived in the dorms, but I get spoiled too much by my mother and I think the dorms are too small. Plus, I use to always get in fights with my roommate since I get home to late and don’t sleep.”

Interesting. Finally Key got some juice out of Jonghyun. But it was not really something liked. Jonghyun seemed to be spoiled and going out all the time. He must have a big friend circle or was it women he met up with?

“Then I’m lucky that my roommate is a really heavy sleeper. I am the one that needs to wake him up because his alarm doesn’t.” Key confessed. It was not something he really minded. It was making him get out of bed in time too.

Still he sometimes worried that he was making too much noise just to see Minho turn happily in his sleep. The other had even said that once he slept for a day and a night, just because no one woke him up. And not much bothered him. He had this amazing ability to sleep anywhere at every time. Key still needed to test that out.

“So, you can go out and come back late? There are some cool places where I can take you if you want.” Jonghyun asked, there was something more in his eyes —like he was excited.

Well, it would be nice to know the place more. Key was going to explore with Minho, and maybe some of the other people in his class. But Jonghyun was offering now. Was he this friendly to everyone?

“Sure, I guess. Then give me your number.” Key said with a huff, if Jonghyun was going to promise being his hyung than they should at least be able to contact each other.

“You know there are more romantic ways to ask someone’s number.” Was that a joke? Key blinked completely taken aback. Not only was that Jonghyun’s first joke to him but it was also a flirtatious one. Key could feel his cheeks heat up and Jonghyun smiled again.

No that was a smirk. And it really looked good on him, like really good on him. Key needed to look away. This would be dangerous. His heart was already beating too fast. Handsome men were hazardous.

~~~

Even so, Key and Jonghyun met more often. It was strange how they always bumped into each other. Jonghyun was not even in the same study or the same year, but the elder seemed to know where Key would be.

Key was starting to make friends quickly. Jonghyun still seemed to find him alone most of the time. And now that Key got a little bit more used to him he didn’t mind getting a coffee or lunch together.

He had to admit that he was getting more and more fun out of it. It just turned out that Jonghyun was a deep person that didn’t really like noisy places and lots of people. They often went to calm places with nice atmospheres. There were they could talk about all sort of things.

It had almost become a habit for Key to meet Jonghyun after he had already gone out with other friends.

It was after all very easy once Jonghyun showed him the place he worked at. It was a little record shop that belonged to his uncle. But that was not the only thing there was, with the raise of the digital age the store had been struggling and it was up to Jonghyun to bring in clients. 

Being in the field, Jonghyun build himself a little studio where he could record his own show. He also added booths for people to sit and listen to music. All in all, the shop seemed to survive on that pretty well, and Jonghyun’s broadcast seemed to make him a campus celebrity.

Key soon found himself converted into a fan of the two-hour show that aired every day. He had never known some one that could do something like that, nor was he one that often listened to talk shows. Yet Jonghyun’s was different.

It was a self-healing calm broadcast switching from music to calm reading. The show was called Blue night and it fit perfectly. Updated every night at mid night, Key often listened to it before going to bed.

The way that Jonghyun spoke was so calming. It was the sweet side that the younger found comfort in. It was like one of their many conversations. And even if the beginning of their relationship had been a bit much; Key could say that he knew far more about Jonghyun that he knew about any other friend.

Maybe that was why Jonghyun had been so demanding and asking about everything about him. Key could understand now, he was just bored about talking about himself all the time, a thing that he did on the show when reflecting on letters send to him by fans.

Often when they met, Key replied to Jonghyun’s shows with stories of his own. Sharing childhood memories and such to even the playing field. That was how they had getting so comfortable in the couple of months that it seemed impossible that they had not known each other before. 

And when they didn’t see each other they texted. Jonghyun had made it into a habit to text him good night and Key would always reply to him in the morning.

They had a comfortable relationship. It was all Key wished for. He felt that he could really rely on Jonghyun. Not that he was not in good terms with Minho, it was just that Minho had his own worries. He was as new as Key was and sometimes their personalities tended to clash. They had to see each other the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning.

It was only right that Key wanted to see Jonghyun’s face from time to time. That that was really something he missed.

“Where are you?”

Key let his phone light up with the message reading it quickly without opening it. He was out eating with classmates, it was Friday after all. But it was late and the plates of spicy seafood were already running dry.

They had drunken enough though, beer and soju bottles littering the table. Still he was called to mix another concoction between the too.

“Auntie, another soju please.” He called running out of the alcohol before he could fill the required amount in the five glasses.

“Key, your phone is ringing.” Nicole said, it was almost bored. Key waved it off as if it was no one important. He figured that it could only be Jonghyun. He should be done recording his show by now. The elder was probably calling him to ask where he wanted to go next.

“You know, your girlfriend will dump you if you keep ignoring her,” Woohyun said. Key looked at him with wide eyes. Was he drunk, he was pretty sure Woohyun knew that he was single. A new bottle was given to them

“I don’t think Jonghyun-hyung is my girlfriend,” Key replied with good humour this time. The more he thought about it the nicer the idea was. Still a bit much since Jonghyun was so terribly demanding of attention.

“You are really close to Jonghyun-oppa!” Yuna chimed in with a teasing tone. Only to sit back and sigh. “I wish I had a boyfriend like Jonghyun.”

“Why? He is a lot of maintenance.” Key answered not knowing what would be so great about it.

“Key, have you ever even had a girlfriend?” Woohyun asked incredibly. There was no way that Jonghyun could be worse.

Key shook his head, telling them the truth. He had never had a relationship. He never found the interest, he had always been too focused on school or work.

“What? You haven’t dated either?” Nicole gasped, there was simply no way a cute guy like Key would stay long on the market. She held her chest. Maybe this was a calling.

“I’m not interested in dating, never met someone that takes my breath away.” Key said as if that was normal.

“That is not how dating works, Key. You will be waiting a long time if you are waiting for love at first sight.” Woohyun was laughing now. Was the other guy really so innocent? 

“Whatever,” He mumbled back, he didn’t like this conversation. It was too personal and all about him. It was just his luck that he had the perfect excuse to end it. His phone was ringing with an incoming call and this time he would answer.

“Hyung.”

“Where are you, Key-ah?”

“Drinking,” Key said with a pout in his voice. Just to hear a husky chuckle on the other side.

“Where, not what. I will come to you.” Jonghyun’s voice was just loud enough to carry over. But it had this gentleness to it that calmed Key.

“Don’t bother, I don’t like the company I’m in. Lets meet up somewhere more private.” Key said with a glare to his friends. But clearly it was the wrong thing to say.

“Private? Hahaha Key, you know there are a lot of nice motels around here with special prices,” Woohyun howled over his phone conversation.

Key’s cheeks erupted into a blush. He hoped that Jonghyun didn’t hear that on the other side. But the giggle he made told him otherwise.

“Why don’t we go for drinks before we go to a motel, hm? There is this cocktail bar I wanted to check out. A friend of mine just opened it.” Jonghyun said, and it was in one of those tones that meant a little too much —like he was flirting.

Even though he did that a lot now. Key still could not get his head straight when Jonghyun spoke like that. It turned out that Jonghyun was really flirty, often mistaking it for teasing —loving how it was making Key shy.

If Key was a girl than he would be his girlfriend already. He would be mad with desire, wanting more than a friendship. Yet he was not, he was going to stay close as his friend. Enjoying Jonghyun’s company over these friends that were bullying him.

“Hyung, send me the directions and I will go went I finish my drink okay?” Key said a little bit hastily. He didn’t want to be the laughing stock anymore and he needed to tell everyone off. 

Jonghyun hummed un the other side and Key hung up to do just that. Even though they just had a new bottle of soju ordered, it didn’t last long for it to be empty between the four of them. And since they had been mean to him, he didn’t feel guilty leaving them. They were going to meet others in an other bar anyways.

Key though didn’t walk with them, he needed to get into one of the side alleys. Jonghyun always brought him to these shady places yet somewhere Key started to like it. He had his trusty Naver maps and he knew who to call if he got lost. He didn’t feel shame if he needed the help.

This time the only tricky bit was that it was an underground bar. The door was not as obvious but the metal stair case was well lighted and cliché looking. Key bit his lip but entered the dark cave. What he found though was pleasant.

It was indeed dark but there were highlights of coloured light of blue and red. There was jazz music in the background and low tables with leather seats. Key looked around hoping that Jonghyun was not wearing a hat. It was much easier to spot a blond head in the sea of darkness.

Jonghyun was sitting in a corner, already sipping on a drink. Key found him soon enough, and sat next to him on the couch. They didn’t really have any formal way to greet each other anymore and it was not needed.

Key picked up a long thing menu up from the black wooden table and scanned through it. Jonghyun had said that it was a cocktail bar after all.

“What do you have?” Key asked while reading the list. There were so many and a couple of them were interesting. But he didn’t really have any ideas about cocktails.

“An old fashioned,” Jonghyun replied, having another sip of his drink. Key looked it up and hummed, that must be strong. And usually Jonghyun was not such a heavy drinker.

“Can I try?” Key asked and without hesitation Jonghyun handed over his drink for Key to taste. Being careful Key only wet his tongue to get the idea. The liquid was cool and citrusy, they soon enough he got the burn all alcohols had and the sweetness of the mixed played with the dry smoky flavour of whiskey.

Key wanted to cough but held it back. No, that was way too strong for him. He much rather take a fruity one. And he knew just the one; one with a funny name that would start a conversation.

“Can I have the Pornstar Martini?” Key asked almost innocently to the waiter that had come around. He ignored Jonghyun’s little cough and only leaned back.

“Interesting choice, do you know the cocktail?” Jonghyun asked, he was already looking at him with dark eyes and a smirk. But this time around Key was not phased. It was just Jonghyun joking about, he had an adult sense of humour.

“It has two things I like, vanilla and passion fruit.” Key answered, “I have never had it but it sounds good.”

“that is funny, pornstars are not supposed to be passionate or vanilla.” Jonghyun noted aloud and took another sip with Key rolling his eyes. He didn’t care that the name was not very fitting. He just hoped that it was going to be tasty. But he was not going to say that, Jonghyun would just make another smart comment.

Instead he let the conversation die, yet it didn’t really stray far, sadly.

“You must be close to your friends if you are so comfortable talking about sex with them.” Jonghyun commented. Maybe there was some jealousy. The topic of their sex lifes was not one they had talked about yet.

“I don’t have any.” Key said a little too quickly. He was still a little shy to what had happened in the last bar and what Jonghyun had heard. It was not something that Key really wanted to share yet.

“What? Friends or sex?” Jonghyun asked, and Key expected the elder to smirk again but when he looked up, Jonghyun’s eyes were wide in curiosity. Now Key couldn’t lie, not when faced with such a sweet face. How dare Jonghyun give him puppy eyes while asking a question like that?

“Sex…” Key whispered, his eyes shying and his cheeks blushing. Of course it had to be the latter. Jonghyun was his friend after all so he could not say that he didn’t have any friends.

“Oh, never had?” Jonghyun continued more in innocent excitement to the size of that truth rather than making fun of the younger. It had not even occurred that it was making Key uncomfortable. It’s not that he was a virgin, it was just that he wasn’t successful.

But the other had a moment to recover when his drink arrived. He picked it up instead of answering and took a sip. The sour and sweetness immediately made him feel better. The alcohol's taste was not as strong as Jonghyun’s and he knew that he would enjoy it.

“Is it good?” Jonghyun had understood that what he was asking might be a little too personal still. And he changed the subject quickly. Though the unanswered question was already enough of an answer. Key didn’t have much experience in the field and he didn’t have confidence. But Jonghyun didn’t mind. It was just another piece of information that Jonghyun would cherish.

“It is really good.” Key offered it too Jonghyun without hesitation. They had been sharing a lot of things. It was just easy like that, they didn’t really have to be shy. After all, that would just be tiring.

It was already late, and Key sank into the soft couch so that he could listen to Jonghyun’s story. Jonghyun had the best ones. Key always said that it was a pity that he didn’t write them all down. But then, again that’s why he recorded them. Still, here with a drink or two, Key lend closer to listen to Jonghyun’s soft spoken voice over the sweet jazz music.

The elder might be a little tired too, he had his eyes closed and his arms relaxed over the backrest of the couch, speaking freely over something interesting that happened years ago. And it just pulled the younger closer that he didn’t realise that their thighs were pressed together. Yet it felt comfortable.


	3. Step 3. Get jealous

Maybe it was all part of the plan. Key was led into a bar like this. Where the lights were dim and the booths private. The music was classy and smooth, and the alcohol sweet and strong. He had not looked around himself much but he was pretty sure that it were only couples.

And they must have looked like one too, at that point. There must have be a number of glasses on their low table by now, the short whiskey glass contrasting with the high martini. Funny, yet his giggle was for another reason. It was all a little bit to hazy in his vision, but he didn’t really need to see.

There was a sweet voice in his ear and it was telling him all sorts of wonderful things. He was trapped, hanging on every word that the other said. Until he looked up again.

Jonghyun had been looking at him it seemed, while he had been too shy to stare at him constantly. Now the blind's lips stayed silent, Key had already forgotten what they were talking about. Still he didn't request Jonghyun to continue.

He was looking at those lips, they were so close after all. Jonghyun had licked them not long ago it seemed. They were still wet, his lips parted ever so slightly —only showing the tips of his lower canines. It was cute, Jonghyun reminded him of a puppy.

Maybe he would bite. What a strange thought. Maybe he was drunk, Key’s thoughts were not really making sense. One train of thought not completely related to the next. How long had he been staring at Jonghyun’s lips?

Should he kiss him? Key was already leaning forward, before he could answer that. Whatever the answer was, it now was a thought of how soft Jonghyun’s lips were.

Key had already pressed his lips against the other’s, silently attacking without asking first. Still there was no complain, no other movement other than the arm that had been on the back rest falling over his shoulder. Jonghyun was pulling him closer, that was his answer. And it was just what Key wanted.

Pressing harder, he held on to Jonghyun’s shirt, still a little bit unsure. What was going on? What was he doing? Still whatever Jonghyun was doing was amazing. How predictable that the lips that spoke so well kissed well too. Gently, sweetly —Jonghyun pulled him closer making Key melt to his chest.

Strong and warm, Key had been fanaticising what it would feel under that leather jacket Jonghyun liked to wear. Now that it was too hot between them, only cotton could protect the elder’s skin from Key curiously shy fingers. it would bee to soon to move under the clothes, right?

Their bodies closed in, intimate and passionate like they kissed before. Perfect, and unreal. Key’s mind was spinning, he might be missing out on oxygen, he might be going mad. This could not be right, they should not be doing this —not even in his wildest dreams.

He should pull back, blame the alcohol and apologise. If only the kiss was not this good. Should he open his lips? How would it be if he let Jonghyun take control, let him taste him? Key moaned, hoping that Jonghyun would react, or did he want Key to dominate him? Key was starting to feel naughty.

“Key?”

The name was far away, his hearing was off. It didn’t fit the situation. It was wrong, but he could not explain it. He whimpered, afraid that after all it was going to be a mistake.

“Key?”

This was not right at all. Key was pulling back but it was stranger than that. Everything changed, he was confused, Jonghyun was shaking his shoulder but instead the darkness surrounding everything was light, too bright.

“Key?”

Key finally blinked, where was he? Who was touching him? It was not Jonghyun’s sweet voice that was calling him. Instead Minho’s large eyes looked at him, just over the bed frame. He was confused and looking slightly worried. 

“Were you dreaming?” Minho asked him, like he and Key had been in conversation before. The other had to get himself out the blue. He was so confused. Just a moment ago he was in a dark bar with Jonghyun on his lip and now Minho was blinking at him looking over his bed frame.

“A dream?” Key repeated, yeah that made sense. A lot of sense —a lot more than making out with Jonghyun over drinks. Key rubbed his eyes, still not clear. “Wat time is it?” he asked, instead. It was started to be more realistic that it was all a dream now.

“Almost nine, I’m going to the gym but you were making really weird noises. I didn’t know if you were in pain or something. Sorry if you wanted to sleep more. You can now, I will leave if you are okay,” Minho said.

Key was somewhere touched with the idea that Minho worried about him already. Still the dream was not scary or anything. It was kind of interesting, dangerous.

“It was a strange dream, but yeah, no worries. I can wake up now,” the elder said not at all angry at Minho. He smiled at the younger just so that he knew that he meant it.

Minho nodded and picked up his bag that he had dropped at Key’s bed before he would say goodbye again.

Key waved him off, but fell back on the bed the second the door closed. What was that? The details of the dream were slowly fading. He closed his eyes and hid the rest of the light under his arm. Kissing Jonghyun, he laughed. That was ridiculous. Why did his mind come up with that? Was it because he had been talking about sex with Jonghyun?

That must be it. He never really been a victim to his own wet dreams. But this was different. He was in control of his body again, noticing that he was not excited or anything. It was all in his head. It was just a dream. and now he should forget about it. He didn’t want to be shy around Jonghyun.

~~~

Jonghyun was popular. Key already knew that soon after they started to hang out. There was always someone that called out to him when they were out, that or they were going to a place that a friend worked or spoke about.

It was clear that Jonghyun knew how to network. Still, Key didn’t know why he was going to be an asset to Jonghyun’s life. After all he was not working in a bar or café nor did he do something interesting like art or music.

Still it seemed that Jonghyun enjoy spending time with him. Maybe it was that he wanted a person from Daegu to be his friend, just to add to his collection. But that didn’t seem the case. Their talks were hardly about fruit anymore.

Instead they had gotten so much more personal.

“You had your ears pierced,” Jonghyun stated, he was drinking an iced americano lounging on a couch of the twosome café near campus. Key only looked up for a second. Had Jonghyun been looking at him all this time? Whatever, the younger focused on his textbook.

“Why don’t you wear earrings?” Jonghyun asked, clearly wanting attention, Key could not win. How was it that the elder always found him in his little coffee study sessions? He had not even settled yet, he wanted to try most cafes out before choosing a favourite.

Maybe Jonghyun was stalking him, as ridiculous as it sounded.

“I once pierced them, but I had to take them out for work and now I don’t know where I have any rings or anything. I didn’t bring them.” Key replied finally closing his book. He had a good two hours of studying done before Jonghyun found him so he didn’t have to feel so guilty to stop now.

Jonghyun sat up, a kind of excitement in his eyes. “You want some, I know this place that has the best things, plus they always gives me discount,” he said too fast.

Key rose an eyebrow. “I don’t even know if they are still open, and do they still suit me?” He said, with the style that he had now he was not too sure about it. He wore too much colour these days, sweet sweaters and fabric pants.

“I think that earrings can be cute too, you need the right ones. Come on, we can just look if there is anything you like.” He was already standing up and gathering his stuff like Key had agreed to it all.

“Fine,” the younger said only rolling his eyes. Maybe this would be interesting. Jonghyun after all seemed to be extra excited. He hoped that later he could get some more work done. It was only Wednesday so he didn’t want to stay up to late. That was a concept that Jonghyun didn’t understand so well.

“So where are we going? Key asked when Jonghyun led him into metro.

“Hongdae,” Jonghyun said hooking his arm into Key’s so that he could not escape.

Key only rolled his eyes. At least that was not too far and he kind of already expected it. the place was filled with shops like that. And soon enough they found themselves in the hills of the little district that Key had not explored before.

Were they even still in Hongdae? The younger looked around himself and was sure that if Jonghyun left for a second, he would be lost for weeks to come. Didn’t they already turn this corner?

“Here we are,” Jonghyun pointed at a building that Key would forget in a second but pulled him to the drive way.

“It is here in the back, they don’t have a entrance at the street so it was even for me difficult to find.” Jonghyun was a chatting mess and Key was a bit worried. This was not a place that he would normally go into. He didn’t fit in.

They had to go through a doorway to the basement what looked like someon'se private home. Until Key saw little flashing light of ‘tattoo’ lighting the way.

“Oh,” Key knew were they were now and why it was so hard to find. He relaxed and smiled as Jonghyun knocked on the door.

“Its open,” someone called from the inside. And Jonghyun pushed in. Key was a little bit more careful but soon relaxed as he looked about. It was a large studio, stylish and spacy though dark. The floor and walls were grey concrete and smooth, framed posters of gothic style cinema hung on the wall and leather black furniture was spaced out to longue in.

The place was clean and some chill music played in the back though it was mixed with a hum of a tattoo machine.

“Jonghyun-ah, that is soon. Do you need a touch up?” A woman greeted them, dressed in daring black clothes and showing off her ink. Key looked at her and couldn’t help to think she was pretty. She was swaying her hips and gave off a vibe of charisma.

Jonghyun took off his jacket as if he was already too comfortable and pulled up the t shirt sleeve so he could show off his shoulder. Key was surprised and more so when the girl took hold of his bicep so that she could get a closer look.

Were they so close? Key rose his eyebrow, did Jonghyun have a tattoo there too? He wanted to see. What did he have? Did he have more than the ones that he could see. What was hidden under Jonghyun’s clothes?

Key watched as her black painted nails slid off his arm the long way before she let go like she wanted to touch Jonghyun more. “It is healing well. You take very good care of them as always.” She smiled only having eye for his hyung.

Key felt awkward again. He didn’t know what he was doing here. He didn’t want to see Jonghyun being so bluntly flirt at, and he like being ignored even less. He started to pout and instead started to look around himself again.

If Jonghyun wanted to show off his girlfriend, he could at least warn Key. Now he felt strange, a sort of sadness and something else too —anger maybe? What ever it was he was upset.

“I brought a friend. I wanted to show him some earrings,” Jonghyun chatted, already following the girl, almost leaving Key behind. Wait where were they going?

The girl moved to stand behind a large glass show case desk, shamelessly leaning over it and showing off the patterns tattooed on her cleavage. “And what style does he like? Does he already have his ear pierced?”

Why were they having the conversation over his head? Was he not there. How rude. Key didn’t want to be here anymore. He crossed his arms and huffed. Wasn’t this a bit too much. Who was the girl anyway?

“Key-ah come here.” Jonghyun sang, oblivious to the change of mood. Now that Key was annoyed he didn’t like being called closer like a child. Still, he did do it. Finally meeting eyes with the lady that didn’t seem phased at all by his glare.

“I do have them pierced,” He muttered, not at all sorry that he didn’t greet her or anything. But his voice was weak, like he was talking to himself or just shy.

“I see, well we have a lot, just tell me what you like.” She didn’t seem at all bothered by his coldness and that somehow bothered Key even more. The shop keeper pulled out a couple of boxes with many different earrings in it and Jonghyun immediately started to shop.

“Key-ah’s style is cute. I don’t think you should wear something too big or pointy. What did you have before?” Jonghyun spoke not really addressing anyone and talking to both of the at the same time.

“I had basics, just stud or small rings. I don’t like stones or strange colours. “Key said, scanning over is options. There were a lot and a lot of them spoke to him. He hated it. he didn’t feel like buying from this girl.

Jonghyun though happily picked up a couple and compared them against Key’s ear. “No I don’t think you should wear bling bling. Simple metal should do.” He said pushing Key’s hair back and behind his ear like a lover would.

Key blinked up at him, why was Jonghyun touching him so freely? And in front of this girl no less. The younger stole a glance at the shop keeper —maybe to see if there was some jealousy. Sadly there was nothing bothering her, or she hid it well.

“These are cute,” Jonghyun continued, not knowing that he was making it awkward all this time. “These too, how many holes do you have again?”

“I have five, I think, I don’t know how many have closed off now.” Key said and Jonghyun looked at him again.

“Five? Where? I can only see four.” Jonghyun lost interest in earrings and instead went for Key’s ears again.

The younger backed off before Jonghyun could get a hold of him, his ears were sensitive. He didn’t need Jonghyun to touch them, he would tell him, show even but he didn’t like it when the elder attacked him with touches.

“I can open them up for you if you want.” The woman said, it seemed she was very entertained with watching them play around. Key needed to look at her again just not to be rude. He was thinking about it. after all he was not sure if he wanted to wear any.

“Key, lets get couple earrings!” Jonghyun blurred out. picking up a pair that he liked.

“A what now?” the younger almost whimpered. What a stupid idea. There was no such thing as couple earrings. They would just have the same rings that was nothing special.

“You are too cute, Jonghyun-ah.” The lady giggled again swooning over the other and all of a sudded couple earrings didn’t seem so stupid. After all Jonghyun wanted them with him.

“Here, look. I like this combo.” Jonghyun held out two pairs. It was a medium thick ring and a simple studs with on both ends a ball.

“They're just basics. It is not like they're couple rings.” Key said, somewhen hiding his disappointment in amusement.

“I know a place were you guys can get really cute couple rings, where your can get you names engraved and anniversary date. Stuff like that.” She continued and made Key’s cheeks explode in a blush. This was taking the joke too far.

“I always wanted couple rings. I want to show off.” Jonghyun laughed, not at all trying to tell her that she was wrong. There was nothing between them. No reason they needed a couple ring or an anniversary date.

“Hyung,” Key whined, this was all wrong. But Jonghyun just smiled at him.

“Don’t you like them?” Jonghyun asked him, still talking about piercings. Key was playing with them, the ones that Jonghyun had picked out. He like them, they would look good on them both. And he didn’t have problem with getting the set, but the younger was still a bit uncomfortablee with the situation.

“I will get them.” He said finally in defeat, Letting the shop keeper have them to be cleaned.

“you should ask her to put them in for you. Just to be sure that they still go.” Jonghyun said in a softer voice now that they were alone. It was like his mood had changed and he had understood that Key didn’t really liked what was going on and that it was a bit too much. 

“Yeah,” Key whispered back, letting Jonghyun put his hand on his back so that he could guide him to a chair. He was going to get his ears repierced and only now he realised that meant needles. Was it too late to freak out?


	4. Step 4. Listen to his problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (This might be a little troubling for some readers.)

“Come have dinner with us,” Jonghyun said over the phone.

Key pouted and looked back at his textbook. Dinner was never a bad idea, but it was dinner with Jonghyun and that would mean that he would be occupied for the rest of the evening. Yet then again, tomorrow morning he didn’t have class and he was doing extra reading material. He might as well live a little.

“Who is us?” Key asked before agreeing.

“Onew,” the other replied fast as if he was waiting for the question.

“Does that mean we are having chicken?” the younger was entertained. He knew already lots about Onew even if they had only met formally. It seemed that Jonghyun was close to the student help.

“Fried, there will be beer too, you like drinking so come.” Jonghyun was chuckling, after all, he knew well that Key would like a drink.

“Fine, give me 20 minutes. I need to change.” Key finally agreed but couldn’t hang up before Jonghyun shot him a smart remark.

“Make yourself pretty for Oppa,”

“Bye, hyung,” Key replied, putting extra emphasis on the word before really hanging up.

He was in home shorts and a graphic tee and even if Jonghyun bullied him for it —he wanted to look good.  
But what should he wear? He ran his hand through his hair. Key chuckled to himself, it was useless if it was not going to be his clothes it would be something else Jonghyun would comment about. 

He ended up with black trousers and a white shirt with a chest pocket. It was simple but stylish when he put on a tailored jacket over it. He was looking fancy but still comfortable after all he didn’t know where they would go after eating.

~~~

“Fashionably late?” Jonghyun said instead of greeting Key. The blond was sitting on the bench seat at the table. Opposite to him sat Onew who greeted him with a smile and a bow.

“Hello, Kibum-ssi,” The eldest said, offering him a place next to Jonghyun since he knew that Key would be more comfortable sitting there.

“Kibum?” Jonghyun asked, “Is that what Key stands for? How do you know?” What was the blond pouting about.

Key pushed Jonghyun so that he would make space for him to sit. “Yeah, you should have known that by now. Do you really think Key was my real name? plus Onew-ssi is my student help, he must have all my official papers.

Onew nodded, “It is nothing personal, I like the sound of Key too. It fits you well.”

“Plus, there are like two other Kibums in my year, it would just get confusing. The name is too common.” Key said. Not really interested in explaining himself anymore. Instead, he was looking at the menu for a drink.

“You could have mentioned it,” Jonghyun grumbled. He had not really moved and was all in Key’s bubble, they were squished together even if they didn’t really have to and Jonghyun used the excuse to he was looking over Key’s shoulder to the drinks menu.

“We already ordered a chicken platter,” he added.

Key hummed, skipping to the beer list, he was not really feeling like something bitter and Jonghyun and Onew were already halfway through a bottle of soju.

“Watermelon beer? That sounds weird.” Key muttered aloud, somewhere a little bit interested.

Onew laughed and took the little shot glass to his lips. “I guessed that you would have a sweet tooth, but that doesn’t sound good at all, it would be chemical, right?”

Well, that was rich coming from someone that was throwing back ethanal flavoured water. But Jonghyun came to his rescue. “If you want to try it, go ahead, Kibum-ah.”

“Don’t call me that,” Key replied and rang the little bell to get his order through.

“You are so harsh to your hyung.” Jonghyun pouted, pulling back his arm and scorched away a bit as if Key had asked him to move.

“It is nice to see that you found someone to bully you, Jonghyun-ah.” Onew defended Key.

“I don’t believe that I’m the only one that stands up for themselves,” Key said a little bit surprised. Jonghyun was always around people, he was popular with his looks and work.

“Oh no, you are special, Kibum-ssi. If Jonghyun would have a lover, they would be jealous.” The elder said, leaning back into his chair just as the waiter came with their order.

“Wow, this looks good. Will it be enough?” Jonghyun quickly said, hoping that the food would change the subject.

It did, for Onew at least, he tried to pick a piece up but hissed at the temperature. It was way too hot and if he would eat it now he would burn his tongue. That would spoil the rest of the food.

“Maybe Jonghyun needs a girlfriend so that he would stop bothering me,” Key said in a harsh accent.

Jonghyun was pouting beside him. That hit a little too close where it hurt.

“I don’t need a lover, I don’t have any time,” Jonghyun defended himself while Key’s chemical beer arrived.

“That is because you spend all your free time with me,” Key said while picking up his drink to smell it before taking a sip.

“It would be good if you make Kibum-ssi your lover then,” Onew joked, taking his chicken again and this time successfully taking a bite.

“If only things were that easy...” Jonghyun muttered. He was getting uncomfortable it seemed and forKey too, he was shy and Jonghyun quickly changed the subject. “How is the beer?”

“It’s good. But it is more a drink for a hot summer day, I don’t think I will take it again with chicken.” Key replied hoping that Onew wouldn’t pick the topic up again. Which now seemed the case as the elder was concentrating on cooling his chicken.

They had a dish with three different flavours, crisp and dry, spicy sauce and sweet garlic. It seemed a bit too much, with the fries that were on their way, still, they would probably still finish it.

Carefully Key picked up a wing of the spicy section but waited a bit more before eating. He let Jonghyun lead the conversation away from love and to the save topic of school and class.

It turns out that Onew and Jonghyun were in the same year and shared an extra philosophy class. They started to talk about things that Key didn’t really understand or care about.

He did feel a bit let out but the chicken was good and he was entertained with the lame jokes that were cracked. Especially from Onew’s side. He did seem like a very good guy. It was clear that he was well-read and responsible.

He was not all that ugly on top of that. He had heavy single eyelids, a little crook in his nose, small scars from acne on his cheeks that now cleared out. His hair was dyed brown and needed to be cut. He had a habit of flipping his head to get the ends out of his eyes. It seemed that he was a little sloppy with his looks.

Key didn’t know but it seemed that Onew was not the one that dressed him. Maybe he had a girlfriend that styled him, or maybe it was still his mother.

“Onew-si, do you have a girlfriend?” Key asked out of the blue and interrupting the conversation that was still going.

“Eh? Ah...” Onew was taken aback, but Jonghyun was entertained

“Onew-hyung is engaged.” Jonghyun spilled, making Onew blush.

He distracted himself with another shot of soju.

“Engaged? To whom? Where is your ring?” Key was very much interested. He loved weddings.

“I kind of have bad luck with couple rings. I always lose them so I got my girlfriend a nice diamond ring as an apology and she took it as a proposal.” He took another shot and poured himself another drink. It was then the Key realised how easy it was for the elder to do so.

“Even if she agreed to marry me, she doesn’t want to until I have a job and place of my own. So I have time to get my things straight.” He smiled yet somewhere it seemed a bit forced and painful.

Key clicked his tongue, if he said it like that, it didn’t seem so romantic at all. But then again, how many people were making decisions like this. Life was not a TV show.

“Onew-si, what do you study?” the younger asked, realising that he didn’t even know that. Now that he knows that getting a job was very heavy on his mind.

“If all goes well, I will be a therapist by this time next year. I just want to help people,” Onew replied with a kind smile, the one he also gave the first time Key had met him. It was such a warm comfortable smile that Key felt easy and inspirited.

“Hyung will be really good at it. He is smart and is a good listener, but the best thing is that he will forget easily too, so he can’t betray you.” Jonghyun quickly said, making Key laugh and Onew blush.

“I need to write everything down or I will forget, there is no harm in that,” he defended himself. “But really, Key-ssi if there is something that bothers you, just come see me, I feel that no one of your year needs me, I think they are hiding, shy maybe.”

“The problem is that you are too formal. I called you both here as friends. Yet you two are still talking to each other formally,” Jonghyun was pouting, looking between the two as if they were insulting him

“Well, if Key-ssi wants to, he is more than welcome to call me Hyung. You do the same even though we are basically the same year.” Onew said, hitting Jonghyun on the shoulder before picking up another piece of chicken. There was not much left on the plate and Key was full.

Onew though still liked to nibble on the now cold chicken while Jonghyun checked his phone.

“I have to go to work soon,” he muttered aloud. And that made Key pout, he was in a good mood and didn’t want to go yet. Onew checked his own phone and grimmest. Was he also surprised at the time?

“My girl needs picking up, I left her with her girlfriends and now she wants my attention. I didn’t reply yet. I should get going or I will get the cold shoulder.” Onew explained, again smiling yet this time not reaching his eyes.

Jonghyun shook his head. “Your stories are the reason I don’t get myself a girlfriend.”

Key was a little bit overwhelmed if it was really that bad than it was better to break up, right? But he was not in any position to advise that to his new hyung.

“Key-ah, why don’t you join me? You can play around in the shop and we can get some extra drinks and snacks just to hang out.” Jonghyun asked Key as they got up. That sounded right and Key nodded, he didn’t want to go home at all. 

They paid their part and separated, Jonghyun and Key going one way and Onew another. Key bowed yet Jonghyun waved, sticking his hands in his pockets of his leather jacket when he turned.

“I want a smoke,” he said and Key rolled his eyes.

“Do what you want, but can we go to a 7/11 first? I can get the stuff and you can smoke.”

It was a plan and Jonghyun nodded, agreeing to wait a moment longer. He even passed Key a ten thousand won note and let him loose in the little store as he put a stick between his lips.

The younger got what he wanted, snacks and beer and soju, way too much for two people but he didn’t really care. He didn’t want to make Jonghyun wait and he didn’t care too much about the food either. He was excited to spend time alone with Jonghyun.

Yet it seemed that Jonghyun was not ready for him, as Key exited the store and found Jonghyun around the corner. Key stud still, his heart beating fast again. He was reminded why Jonghyun was so fascinating to him. The man was gorgeous, dangerous and interested in him.

The elder brought the lighted cigarette to his lips and Key felt green. Those plumb lips were so soft in his dream. They had tasted sweet that night. Now they would only taste of bad decisions and selfish pleasure.

Key licked his lips, hoping that that would entertain them enough to make them stop aching. What was wrong with him, he shouldn’t think like this— not at all. Yet there he was, Jonghyun noticing him just like the first time their eyes met and smirked. Did he know?

“Did you get everything?” he asked, puffing again. He was only halfway through, but Key didn’t mind. The younger nodded and walked closer so that they could talk comfortably.

“Is the studio nearby?” Key asked watching as Jonghyun rushed his last breath.

The elder flicked his cigarette away and straightened up. Again he didn’t finish it completely letting the soft flame feast on what he didn’t want. Jonghyun threw his arm over Key’s shoulder and pulled him closer.

“Don’t worry its close.”

And it was, Jonghyun guided him to a large music store even though it was clearly closed. Still, the elder had the keys to get in and switched the lights on, once they for in. they flickered a moment in their chemical whiteness before staying on and letting Key see what the shop offered.

It made the younger smile, it was a proper old styled record shop with rows of display tables with all the CD's in genre orders. On the back, the booths with CD players and headsets like Jonghyun had described to him a long time ago.

It was large, much more than Key had expected. The ground a simple industrial cement yet the dark wood details on the walls and lighting made it feel modern.

“Come here,” Jonghyun pulled him along, making it impossible for Key to look more. He didn’t have too much time until the broadcast after all.

And it was then that Key noticed the soundproof room in one corner. It was like a little European sauna but instead of benches, it was filled with electronics. In the centre a table where an expensive microphone hung with foam shield.

Key was impressed. He had never been in an official music studio but if he had this was what he imagined.

“What do you think?” Jonghyun asked excitedly, he was bringing in another chair so that Key had a place to sit too.

Key just nodded his expression saying enough.

“You sit here and be a good boy. You can listen and during music, we can chat a bit. I’m really free but I figured that you don’t really want to speak to my audience so just look and listen.” Jonghyun said a little too quickly as if he was scared that Key would be suffering from stage fright.

“I don’t need to talk? Why am I here then?” Key sat back after putting his shopping on the table. He was somewhere glad that he didn’t have to say anything. But on the other hand a little bit excited.

“You are here to look pretty,” Jonghyun replied as if it was obvious while switching on his instruments.

That took Key aback a bit but it was all fixed with a roll of his eyes. He sat back and watched as Jonghyun got himself ready.

“Just in time, Key-ah can you get me a bottle of water?” He asked pointing to where the younger could find them.

“Firm on the path that we have been walking, on the path that sometimes you want to stop, turn your head and go back. Though it sounds like those feelings should not exist simultaneously. We have ambitions to complete in the future and past. We are now going to share them with you, Blue night, we are together now.”

Key looked up, confused. What was Jonghyun talking about? But there was a red light already on and large headphones on Jonghyun’s blond hair. Was it already live? The younger sat back down quietly and gave Jonghyun his bottle receiving a smile in return.

“Today, I feel happy, I have someone with me. Not as a guest but as support. Someone you’re comfortable with and trust. Happy just to spend simple times with and not feel stressed to entertain. He is a dongsaeng of mine.”

Key blushed at Jonghyun’s words. that was a bold statement to make even if it was completely anonymous. It was a confession that Jonghyun had not made before. The younger smiled shyly and didn’t meet Jonghyun’s eyes. If it was going to be like this for the next hour than he needed a drink. 

And it was difficult to stay quiet. Key had listened to Blue Night before and he had loved it. Jonghyun spoke in such a kind voice, he was so understanding to his streamers that commented immediately. He read their letters and gave thoughtful advice.

Yet sitting there with him was something different. It was more intimate. Jonghyun kept looking at him like he was talking just to him. And even if Key didn’t really have anything to say he did feel for the girl that had to send in a letter about a fight she had had with her boyfriend.

How was it that Jonghyun could comfort her so easily? Didn’t he complain moments ago about not wanting to have anything to do with love? Did he lie? Was he just a romantic? In denial with himself.

“I don’t know what love really is. I have read many stories and seen movies. They all so different. Everyone had their own perfect love, one that can never be perfect. That is why I think I shouldn’t try. Love will come, maybe it is already here. Sometimes people fall in love at first sight, others fall in love with their best friend they have known for years.”

Key rested his head on his folded arms, he might be getting sleepy —listening to Jonghyun. The elder was fidgeting with his notebook, and smiling to the idea of love itself.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I must be in a romantic mood. I hope that was not too cheesy. But we have come to the end of our show now I still want to play you a song before I go. It's sweet soft melody to set the mood. Rest up well. Good night.”

Jonghyun quickly pressed play on his laptop and took off his headphones. He stretched and checked one last time that everything was already before switching off the mic.

“Are you tired?” Jonghyun whispered and Key noticed that he himself sounded tired and hoarse.

“Sleepy,” Key confessed. It was late, two AM and Minho must be sleeping by now. After all, he had said he had the morning shift.  
“Wanna stay at mine? It is not far from here so you can rest comfortably,” Jonghyun said as if it was nothing. Yet Key frowned.  
“Don’t you live with your parents?” the younger recalled.

“My mother, but I come home every night at two-thirty, so she is used to it. And I have my room on the other side of the house, so I don’t have to disturb anyone.” Jonghyun reassured Key. He was letting the song play but getting everything ready to go.

Key was biting his lip. Was he ready to take the next step? To sleep over at Jonghyun’s house? He had to calm his racing heart. Don’t be stupid. They were just best friends, Key had nothing to be worried about. Jonghyun doesn’t look at him that way.

~~~

Key didn’t really know what to expect he somewhere knew that Jonghyun was born with a silver spoon, but he had not realised that he was so well off until Key got to see part of the family house. It was too dark to see it all but the house was two floors and easily twice as large as the apartment Key grew up in.

It was just on the foot of a hill too, not too far from the crowded streets, easy to get too and Key understood why Jonghyun didn’t bother living in the dorms. He didn’t really get to admire anything more when Jonghyun was pulling him in.

The blond was ticking in the code in a memory and pulled opened the door. “I’m home,” he still whispered even though he had said that everyone should be asleep. Key followed and took off his shoes. Only now realising that Jonghyun was having a conversation as he heard soft scratches on the wood floor.

“This is my princess Roo,” Jonghyun said petting his dog over the head, she was short and stout, maybe a little too round, with a long snout and triangle ears. She was adorable, slowly swishing her tail over the ground a little bit too sleepy to be excited at the new guest.

Jonghyun took Key’s hand by the younger’s surprise and pulled him up the stairs; Whispering that he slept up there. The younger followed without a word, still hoping that he was not intruding. He had never met Jonghyun’s mother after all. Was she okay with a stranger in her house?

“Here we are,” Jonghyun opened the first door they met upstairs and switched on the lights. Strangely the room stayed surprisingly dark. Key got inside and looked around, it was maybe twice the size he shared with Minho.

The walls were black or at least a very dark colour. There was a desk like any other but what was interesting was a framed poster that stood on the floor next to it. It was a picture, an artistic poster of the back and shoulders of what seemed to be a man, at least half naked talking intimately with another. It was romantic, a red-orange warm piece that made you wonder who they were and what they were talking about.

“You want a shirt to sleep in?” Jonghyun asked him and Key was broken in his spell. He had to turn and saw that Jonghyun had already found him the article. He must be tired and wanted to sleep. Maybe Key could ask about it tomorrow.

“Your room is really big.” Key stupidly said as Jonghyun gave him a fresh shirt to sleep in.

“It used to be my parents but when they separated my mother didn’t want to sleep in such a big room, so she took mine since my sister’s is about the same size.”

Key didn’t really know what to say against that. He didn’t know if he was allowed to ask more. But Jonghyun had already changed and climbed into bed, Petting the sheets a couple of time to show that Key should hurry.

The bed was a big twin and Key had figured that they would have to sleep next to each other. But the bed was large enough for the two to lay without touching. So Key turned his back on Jonghyun and changed himself hoping that Jonghyun didn’t think strangely about his action or body.

He was surprised to see that his place in bed had been taken by the sweet puppy that had followed Jonghyun from the door.

“Roo always sleeps next to me, I hope you don’t mind,” Jonghyun said and Key didn’t mind at all, on the controversy, it calmed him. Having a dog there would calm his nerves too.

“Do you still see him? Your dad?” Key asked, a bit unsure. He climbed in bed and face Jonghyun who was facing him. Just like the people in his poster.

Jonghyun seemed to think for a second, judging if he should tell Key. “I don’t. I’m glad he isn’t here anymore. Nobody was happy when my parents were together. It is not that they fought a lot. There was just no love between them. They lived together so that people wouldn’t talk, so that my sister and I had a proper family. Even though it never felt like that for me. I don’t remember ever seeing my parents in love.

They were getting really icy at the end too. It was when I was sixteen when they really broke apart but only when I left high school was it official. No one would judge them anymore. And I really think they were both stupid. I’m pretty sure that I was made in a drunken night when they tried to feel anything for each other again.”

Key had stayed silent this entire time. The story seemed to flow out of Jonghyun now like he had been waiting to tell someone. That he had to get it off his chest and had not found anyone to trust yet until Key came along.

Jonghyun was slowly stroking his dog who had laid down on her side. Slowly, also the younger started to pet her.

“And even if my mother is still not happy, she is a lot calmer. It only upsets me that she wasted her years with a man like that. She was too young when she got my sister, and it was the worse idea to get a second child.”

Key bit his lip, he didn’t like how Jonghyun was talking about himself —like he pitied himself, thinking so lowly. Didn’t he know how popular he was? How many people admired him? Instead of petting the dog, Key touched Jonghyun’s hand.

Finally, their eyes met and even though Key didn’t know what to say he smiled. He was happy Jonghyun opened up to him.  
“Thanks,” Jonghyun whispered as if that was going to close the topic. And it did, at least for tonight. Jonghyun turned to be on his back and reached to turn off the lights.

Realising that it was enough talk for now. Key let him cover him with darkness. He too wanted to think things over. He closed his eyes and sighed —finally calling it a day. He found himself smiling, Jonghyun’s sheets smelled really good. yet that smile fell too quickly when Key heard Jonghyun sigh.

Too much at once was not good and that second Jonghyun had looked so upset. Was he going to cry? No, that was not the reason Jonghyun turned off the lights. Jonghyun had no reason to hide fromKey. Or was Key now thinking too highly of himself? His bit his lip, he wanted to hold Jonghyun’s hand, maybe tell him that he had done well. But pride didn’t let him, and he was too shy to confess it. He wanted to tell Jonghyun that he had done well, that he worked hard. Yet his lips stayed sealed.

“good night,”


	5. Step 5.  Get to know his family

Key woke up in a bit of a panic. It was only natural that his fight, flight, freeze reflexes were activated. Never did he have to share a bed and he sure wasn’t used to being stepped on. Even if it was a small dog that was trying to get over him.

Key moved suddenly and Roo froze, her eyes bulging a bit but not moving like she was just as surprised. It was a moment until she figured that it was her chance to jump over his leg and out of bed.

They met eyes once more before her short legs carried her away. Where was she going? How late was it? oh god, Key just remembered where he was. He turned his head and sighed. Jonghyun had turned away from him during the night. The blond was still sound asleep, not even the sound of his breath.

Key figured that Jonghyun deserved to sleep a little moment longer. The younger turned wondering what time it was. He needed to go to the bathroom and he didn’t know where it was —Jonghyun had forgotten to tell him that last night. And it was not such a good idea to be caught sneaking around the house by the elder’s mother.

He looked at his phone only to find that it was dead. He sighed, he should have also asked for a charger. But luckily Jonghyun had left his phone on his side of the bed and so he picked that up instead. He wouldn’t mind if Key checked the time, right?

Lighting up the phone he got distracted by a text still showing on the screen. It was from his mother and Key didn’t know why he read it but he did.

“I made breakfast for you and our guest, come down when you wake up <3”

Key read the text once more before he looked back at the sleeping body next to him. Did Jonghyun send a text last night to his mother telling her that he was staying over? Maybe just to warn her, but the text seemed so sweet. He smiled, he didn’t really need to be afraid.

Maybe it was best to go on a little adventure. Key let Jonghyun sleep since he was the one that always had to work so late. And if his mother already knew that he was there, then there would be no problem if he was caught.

So he sat up, stretched and silently followed the dog out of the room. He looked around himself, noticing that the floor had four doors. One of them should be a bathroom, but another could be the room of Jonghyun’s sister. Weighing the odds he didn’t think it would be good to guess.

Instead, he took the stairs down, getting a strange hope when he heard the sound of cooking and smells of a promising breakfast.

“Pardon my intrusion,” Key said just loud enough to be heard. Hoping that he wouldn’t give a fright to the small lady cooking.

“Aigoo! Come, come. Sit. Is Jonghyun still sleeping?” She had turned in a bit of a shook even if Key didn’t mean to.

“Ah, I think I need to go to the bathroom, but Jonghyun-hyung didn’t tell me where it is…” He started, realising that this was the most horrible way to greet his friend’s mother.

“Aish, my Jonghyun must have been tired last night, did you get home late? The bathroom is there, next to Roo, where she is eating,” she chatted, pointing at the dog that looked up and around, disturbed in her breakfast.

Key bowed wondering if he should introduce himself now or after releaving himself. Choosing for the latter he hurried to the bathroom hoping that by the time he got out, Jonghyun would have woken up and was ready to explain himself.

It was not Key’s lucky day. But he felt better after having washed his face. Slowly he opened the door hoping that the dog was not in front of it. Roo was nowhere in sight and Jonghyun’s mother was adding the finishing touches to a table full of food.

It would be rude not to sit down and share it with her, it seemed that Jonghyun and his sister were a little bit of late risers.

“Don’t worry, my Jonghyun will come down soon. He can’t sleep past nine thirty, he sets an alarm, ” The lady said, inviting Key to take a seat just like she had .“I didn’t know what you would like so I made a little of everything, don’t be shy.”

It all looked amazing and it made Key realise how long ago it was since he had had a home-cooked meal. All of a sudden, he missed it. He formally thanked her and took his chopstick to take a piece of mackerel.

“I was wondering when you would come over, Jonghyun talks a lot about you. And even though he never brings people over I knew that you are not from around here so I knew you would come. Please see this as your second home in Seoul. I know that the dorms can be a bit much, Jonghyun always complained when he lived there.”

Key didn’t have the chance to say anything. Jonghyun’s mother had said everything so lightly. He didn’t know what to reply first.

“Thank you,” he said, kind of interrupting the lady’s sentence. It made her fall silent for a moment before she smiled. That smile that Key knew all too well —the one that made him feel so calm. Jonghyun got his smile from his mother.

“Umma, good morning.” The mood lighted up again, and Key turned to see Jonghyun hop down the stairs. The blond had put on a sweater over his back but left it hanging open.

“Hyung, ‘morning,” Key said, letting his accent out this early in the day.

“aigoo, did you sleep well?” his mother asked him.

Jonghyun nodded but was distracted with soft scratching paws that moved over the floor. Roo greeted him with a wagging tail and excited noises. He had no choice but to pick her up and cuddle her close.

“Jonghyun spoils her too much,” the lady muttered to Key before she turned to get her son a bowl of steaming rice.

The blond sat down next to Key and offered a smile. “Did you sleep well? I was a bit worried when I woke up and didn’t find you. I don’t want this to be a one-night stand,” He said dead serious while moving his head around to avoid his dog’s kisses.

Key’s face exploded into a blush and he shot a look of disbelieve between Jonghyun and his mother that had her back turned to them and humming happily.

“You idiot. Nothing happened like that. Don’t get any funny ideas, your mother is right there.” He hissed to Jonghyun who just shrugged. The elder took a spoon and took a sip from the stew in the centre of the table.

“Where is Noona?” Jonghyun asked his mother when she gave him his rice. “We should tell her that we have a guest, she will freak out otherwise.” He said just so that Key understood. “she hates it when someone sees her without makeup.”

“I really don’t mind,” Key said, he, of course, would not judge and Jonghyun had always said that his sister was pretty. So, he was expecting so much. Just as there was a noise by the stairs.

It seemed that someone had gone down but before Key could turn the person was running up them again.

“She saw you,” Jonghyun said with a wicked grin. Key felt a bit guilty though. She didn’t need to be shy with him.

“She is probably putting on some makeup, she works in cosmetics after all,” his mother said, getting up so that she could prepare a bowl of rice with purple beans for her daughter.

“Look at you, all dressed up, are you going to go out today?” Jonghyun’s mother said when Sodam finally appeared downstairs.

“I might as well,” she commented with a pout before she turned to Key who had stood up. “Hello, I’m Sodam,” She greeted him and nodded her head a bit to receive Key’s bow.

“I’m Key, Jonghyun-hyung let me stay over,” he said and Jonghyun chuckled.

“You have never been so formal when you met me,” the blond said embarrassing Key. But the comment was mostly ignored by all of them, she instead smiled at the younger and invited him to eat more and sending a glare at her baby brother.

“Noona is upset that I got to take a man home before her,” Jonghyun joked, trying again to be the smart one. Key hit his thigh. These were not the things to say when in front of his mother. Though, the lady could see the humour in it. She had to hide her giggle behind her hand. 

The little family was comfortable and often joked about all these types of things. It was fun even if for Key it was strange. His household was never so open. It was something that he had to get used too, but he couldn’t fight the blush that was constantly called onto his cheeks.

~~~

Jonghyun fell back on to his bed and stretched. “Stay here.”

They had finished with breakfast and Key was planning to not overstay his visit. Even if it was Saturday, Key didn’t know what the other people in the house would be doing.

“Here? Why?” The younger asked already looking for his shirt. He was not going to give into Jonghyun so easily. The elder might be sulking but his puppy eyes were not going to make him stay. But when he turned, Jonghyun was pouting at him. Key had to look away again just to hold his ground.

“I don’t want you to go, what will you do today? Are you meeting someone?” Jonghyun almost inquired.

Key cocked his head, not because he didn’t know what he had planned for the day but some strange feeling, that the other was jealous.

“I don’t really have something, but I do need to finish a paper. That is all, yesterday I started but you called me for dinner.” He explained, Jonghyun didn’t really need to be so whiny. He already paid attention to his hyung.

Like a little child, Jonghyun rolled over his covers. “I don’t want you to go.” He repeated like that would make Key stay.

It kind of did. Key put his shirt back down, he was, after all, more comfortable in Jonghyun’s.

“What do you want to do?” The younger asked.

Feeling like he won this round, Jonghyun turned and petted the bed so that Key would come and sit down, just like his puppy always did. Key rolled his eyes before he sat down too,

“There is this old movie I downloaded and wanted to see. Do you like classics?” Jonghyun said already pulling out a laptop that Key had not noticed.

“I have not seen any, but if you want to. But first, can I charge my phone?” Key said truthfully. Jonghyun nodded and went to look for a cable for him. that gave Key time enough to get comfortable behind the small screen.

“You good?” Jonghyun asked, and he sat back down, almost laying with his laptop on his lap. The younger really needed to squeeze up against him to see properly. It was not his fault that he was getting too comfortable cuddling up to his hyung.

Therefore, it was not really Key's fault that he fell asleep again.

~~

‘I’m working the closing shift, where were you last night? You didn’t reply to my text.’

Key’s eyebrow rose as he read the little note left on his desk. Minho must have been lonely. He might as well send him a text even if he was not allowed to check his phone when at work. Still, it was warming that the other was a bit worried about him. He should be nicer to his roommate.

Though now he had the room all for himself this evening. Key took off his jacket and stretched. He didn’t feel like he could do any work. He was just not in the mood. And it was okay to relax so once in a while. He moved back to bed, taking his phone with him so that he could browse a little on the internet.

Maybe to see what was the latest trends on naver, or just look at Instagram. But soon enough his mind was wandering to other places.

He locked his phone and sighed, what was going on? He was tired and he knew why. It was too nerve-racking. His poor heart had been working overtime. He had been on his toes, his stomach tight.

Key rubbed his eyes. He was going to be in trouble like this. he couldn’t keep his feelings at bay like that, not if Jonghyun did everything the way he did. Was it fair? No, it was torture. Jonghyun was a person that made people fall in love with him even though he had made it ever so clear that he was not interested in a relationship.

It surely only ended in a heartbreak if Key asked for something new. It was after all clear that Jonghyun was not interested in him or he would not so openly joke about it. And even if it was Key was slowly coming to terms that he had a crush on his hyung, he somehow hoped that those feelings would soon calm down and he could enjoy Jonghyun as his best friend.

That day was not now. Key closed his eyes and took another deep breath. His shirt —no, Jonghyun’s shirt, it was toxic. Warm and heavy, Key breathed in deep. It was a fuel of something that he had held on it very carefully.

What if Jonghyun was happy to share more than just his clothes? It didn’t matter how Key thought about it. It was all wrong. Why did Jonghyun smile at him, why did he open up to him like that? Why was he so comfortable?

Where was the line Jonghyun had? It was all so foggy to Key, and it was unfair to expect so much. He was feeling hot and cold at the same time, he must be blushing, just like when Jonghyun smirked at him. He was imagining a thing, no —it was a memory.

The way that the elder looked at him in the dark room. It was like Jonghyun wanted to see more from Key like he knew his secret already and was waiting for Key to break.

His hand moved over his chest, the fabric of Jonghyun’s shirt soft and clean. Key had nothing, a complete difference of Jonghyun. The blond was fit and short, his muscles trained and tight. Key had felt that when he reached once or twice to his bicep to get his attention.

It had always been just the quickest touch even though Key would like to cling to him, feel skin to skin and all that danger. He was burning, sleeping next to the one he wanted. Key didn’t know that it had gone well passed his limit.

Jonghyun’s room had been dim, full secrets that Key wanted to know, or maybe he wanted to add some more. He didn’t know how many people had been lucky enough to see the place where the blond rest —the den of the monster that had a smouldering stare.

Key was hot, panting already while his imagination got the better of him. He had been in Jonghyun’s bed, captured in the scent that had his hormones on edge. The entire time he had been a good boy, frozen in fear to be exposed.

Now the shook and nerves were morphing into something more hazardous. His heartbeat was loud in his ears and his breath short when his hands move down his chest again. He knew what was aching and needed his attention.

He didn’t even care that his mind was playing his heart. he didn’t have to tell anymore. He was only human after all.

He hissed when he touched his erection, tight and hard and hidden. No, that was not right. He needed to get more comfortable. He was alone, finally. He sighed when he eased out of his jeans.

He closed his eyes and listened if the coast was clear before he put his hand down his briefs. It made his stomach flutter and he realised that he had been too tens for too long. It was not healthy, not when he was spending every second with his crush.

His fingers run down the underside of his length, he should take care of this now, he didn’t need to have any more strange dreams. And he knew that his dirty mind just got a lot more juicy details. What could he do if only Jonghyun would want to?

Would it not have been perfect if Jonghyun had pulled him down onto his bed? If he would have looked at him with his dark eyes, his plump lips apart as if he would recede some poetry, it would have all been lost on Key’s mind. He didn’t want anything complicated.

He was a man, healthy, he wanted connection, a kiss, the heat of skin. Body to body, wouldn't that be good?

Key was already moving his hand up and down his manhood. Pulling his skin, making friction as he wanted it. The drag of excitement when he finally let his fantasy play out. There was simply no way that Jonghyun would not be a good lover.

The blond had gentle hands, large palms with short fingers. They would feel perfect running down Key’s thighs, opening them apart so that he could lay between them. Or maybe Jonghyun would turn playful like he often did and tease Key from a distance, only touching when Key moaned.

With the games he played this morning, it was almost certain that Jonghyun would be frisky. Somehow the idea turned Key on more. Jonghyun would pleasure him, his lover, to his point of begging.

But it was not something Key now could play at. He had always been impatient, and this was just him and his fantasy. Knowing full well that Jonghyun always paid attention to detail. He would just touch every part of his lover’s body. Key’s imagination would be so far from the truth that it would only make him more excited.

Key could only speed up his hand, jerking off to the memory of Jonghyun's dark room. No, this was not enough. Jonghyun would not have any shame, he won’t make Key’s life easy —he never did.

The younger turned onto his stomach, the t-shirt Jonghyun had given him riding under his chin as he kept his hips high. That way he breathed in that toxic scent that had made him all hot and bothered in the first place.

Terrible, Key was not wasting any more time. His hands were working hard as his desperation grew. He needed more, he wouldn’t be satisfied like this, it would only give him a moment of peace. Jonghyun would never do half the job Key was doing now. 

Key now also wanted more, he wanted Jonghyun. Even if it would never come true. His left hand travelled passed his penis and between his legs. It was after all nothing new for him to do so. Even if now he realised he didn’t have lube or anything, playing around his rim was making his erection twitch like it didn’t care.

Would Jonghyun like it? It would not surprise Key if it did. He was open for anything if Jonghyun wanted to play with him. And even if it would be Jonghyun’s first time with a man Key wouldn’t mind teaching him. Not that he knew much about it either.

That was if he was able to keep sane —not like now. When his hand sped up and thump pressed hard against his rim.

Quickly, he thought, taking a deep breath of Jonghyun’s scent. Oh, he had waited too long to do this, it was embarrassing how fast he came. But here he was milking himself, realising only after the high that he was spilling on his sheets.

Reality came crashing down like the night Minho had woken him up from his naughty dream weeks ago. Key turned and looked in guilt at the mess. He hated this, there were no sweet post-sex cuddles when alone and he needed to destroy all the evidence.

It was not as good as he had hoped too. This was just because he had been at his limit. He was not a virgin or was satisfied with just his hands. Maybe he should get himself a toy —or at the very least some lube.

But where would he hide it? It would be terribly awkward if Minho would find a dildo in the room. Maybe first he needed to confess to his roommate on which team he was playing. Key sighed, all of this was so stressful.

He hated living in dorms.


	6. Step 6. Question him

‘Where are you?’

Key ignored the text this time and took a sip of his iced americano. He was waiting for Minho, who was changing. They were in the cafe the taller worked at, but his shift was over, and they were going to go eat together.

Jonghyun knew that; Key had said it before. And he knew that if he told Jonghyun where he was or going to be, he would invite himself there. And that was not what Key wanted —not tonight.

Key wanted to hang out with Minho, alone. They never really did it, just the two of them. And when Key proposed it yesterday to the taller, his large eyes grew so much that Key needed to call him cute.

“You ready?” Minho appeared in front of him, changed out of the shirt and barista apron. He was wearing simple clean clothes now. Jeans and grey cotton shirt with a single pocket on his chest.

Key could say that Minho’s style was a bit boring, but it suited him. He looked the perfect boyfriend type, one that would open all the doors and tie your shoelaces for you. A lead actor in a popular drama.

“Help me up,” Key ordered, during waiting he had sunken into the comfy armchair there.

Minho chuckled and pulled Key’s arm so that he could get up.

“These chairs are really dangerous, have they eaten any customers yet?” Key asked as if he was serious.

“Not yet, but I do have to wake people up, they just fall asleep and stay for hours, so we have to check every 2 hours,” Minho said jokingly even though it was very true.

“Wow, and you don’t remove the chairs? If it is such an effort,” Key asked not really knowing why they would need sleeping customers.

“No, because it is best to see someone comfy in a cafe, it sells a good image. That is why they are so close to the windows. It pulls people in,” the taller replied as they walked out of the cafe.

It was dinner time and a Friday. They didn’t have any set plans, but Minho knew a place he wanted to go. So, Key didn’t ask more about it. Though, they did take the metro to another part of town.

“My brother works around here, so he showed me the place. You like Yukgaejang, right. I’m taking you to the best place for that,” Minho was chatting as they checked into the metro.

“Its something that I never really thought off, but sure I like it. And I didn’t know you had an older brother.” Key said again realising that they should have hung out sooner.

"I do, he is only two years older and he is working as in intern. Do you have any siblings?”

Key shook his head. “I’m an only child,” he simply said, not really knowing how to share more. He just grasped how bad he was at opening up about himself. He tended to be all private and let people only know what they asked.

Minho didn’t seem to mind it. The taller was smiling at him and was easy going, just as easy to talk too. So, they had small talk all the way to the restaurant, slowly sharing details. Though Key could have guessed that Minho was a person that was excited about sports, he was surprised about the fact that Minho liked to sing too.

“I’m not really good at it, but I do go Norebang alone just so that I can sing. Please don’t make fun of that.” Minho confessed shyly when they got seated. Key had to hold back his giggle, this was perfect blackmail material even though there was no other way but to think that it was terribly adorable.

“I’m a very good singer, and if you buy me some soju I will sing with you. It is good fun.” Key replied being guilty in pleasure but behind the microphone. “Should we go after dinner?”

Minho looked a bit unsure but ended up shrugging. “Do you want a beer with your food, I think I need one.” And it did fit, something spicy and a cool beer.

“You are always out, I mean also on weekdays. Do you hang out with your teammates?” Key asked, knowing that Minho was often out late.

"Yeah, I do have basketball twice a week so I eat with them most of the time. But it is not as much as you. You are out more, I see you around campus so much with your friend, that Kim Jonghyun, right?”

Minho asked and even if it was meant to be nonchalant, Key knew that the other wanted to know more.

“I have been hanging a bit too much with him, he is a bit demanding,” Key tried to joke but it didn’t seem to fall too well.

“Well, yeah I was glad you asked me out. I-” Minho seem to be a bit uncomfortable. It made Key’s eyebrows pull together.

“I mean, a hyung from my team doesn’t seem to like him much and he told me to be careful. I don’t know if I’m now overstepping my bounds.” The taller bit his lip, glad that he was interrupted with the food arriving to their table.

“What do you mean?” Key asked when Minho didn’t continue.

“Well, I think that Kim Jonghyun makes either friends or enemies. I have heard that he is quite cold when he doesn’t care about you. And that he does that even to people that he was warm to before.” Minho confessed to Key.

“I don’t want you to fall out with him and then have no one here. So please hang out with me too. I too get lonely,” Minho said and it was a bit too serious to be a joke.

It took a moment before Key really knew what was asked. He blinked and then swallowed. He looked away and then back to Minho. Was Minho worried about him? 

“I don’t know Kim Jonghyun, but you are always kind to me, so I wanted you to know both sides of the story. I don’t know what my hyung and Kim Jonghyun had been through. But I know that they don’t like each other. And just to know that Kim Jonghyun has a rival, well I’m probably putting my head in things I don’t know about. I just don’t want you to get caught up in all of this.”

Minho lowered his head, taking his spoon and turning his soup just so that he could do something else. Key realised that it was just as hard to say as for him to hear. So, taking the message, Key coughed and picked up his own spoon.

The elder wanted to change the subject and Minho was grateful for that too. He took the spoon to his lips and took a sip, already knowing that it would be good, still, he was not ready for it to be that good. His eyes grew, and he damn nearly moaned.

“This is really tasty!” He exclaimed making Minho smile and his body relax.

“I’m glad you like it,” the taller replied and took his first bite too.

~~~ 

“Can we have two bottles of soju and the shredded fish, thank you,” Key asked on their next stop. The spicy beef stew had given them a good base to drink and Key was on a plan to make Minho sing.

They had been joking about it all night. Laughing so loud that they would have gotten strange looks from others. Maybe it was the loud laughter when Key threw his head back or Minho giggling and excited clapping.

Whatever, they had gotten into a place where most people were drunk. It was loud here and Minho didn’t care. He was telling Key embarrassing stories from his childhood.

About a time, his mother had caught him wearing her bra, he apparently couldn’t get it off before his mother got in. A struggle that seemed to stay a challenge, since the first time Minho got to play with a girl he had the same scuffle.

It seemed a bit unfair that Minho was telling him all of that and Key didn’t share any of his. He was too busy laughing —holding his middle because it was hurting too much.

Minho took his shot of soju and hissed, his back straight and his hands resting on his knees, far apart like he was a man proud of himself.  
“And do you disappoint women still? What do you do?” Key asked sleazy as if he was greedy for his secrets, leaning over so that he could pour Minho another drink.

“I can not do want a can’t see, so I mostly play along until they do it for me,” he said and hiding most of it in a cough. Key had a good time laughing about it, it didn’t seem to hurt Minho’s pride though.

“What is your weakness? In the bedroom, now that I have opened up to that.” Minho asked and he had all the right to have his turn laughing. Key fell silent, not out of embarrassment but in thought. He didn’t really know, and that was also a thing.

“Well, I don’t think that have anything I’m good or bad at. I have not dated or done much to know. I’m really picky and was always busy. Though from some one night stands, I gor the feedback that I'm too demanding in bed.”

Minho’s eyes grew and he pointed at Key as if he thought that the other was pulling his leg. The younger started to wave in hand in front of his own face like that meant something. It was not something kinky that he demanded his lovers to do.

“It is nothing weird, I think that in my hometime people are just not that open. I don't like starfish though.” he explain, of at leasttried to with out giving out too much of himself

"You be already here then. Girls tend to be more kinky in the city. we have more strong women here. and with your face you can pick them up. But I do see why only sweet and shy girls would like you. you are too pretty." Minho completely misuderstood but that was alright, Key could play this better.

“Ah, maybe that is why I didn’t find many people that I was interested in, Strong women don't like pretty men.” Key took his glass in his fingertip but didn’t take it to his lips yet. rying to find a way to chance the subject from his ideal types to something saver.

“I lost my virginity because I thought I needed to get it over with. But I have never been in love.” Now was the time to take the shot. Key shot the heavy drink back and Minho followed him.

The talk was serious again and Key pouted before shrugging. “I was hoping that I would get lucky here,”

Minho poured him a drink and smiled as if he got a plan. “There are many like you, many lonely people," saying a line that could have come form Jonghyun's lips. But Minho continued, "That is why I’m a barista, I get a lot of numbers. Maybe we should do a meeting.”

Key had to think about it for a second. He bit his lip. Should he come clean? Was it easier to confess to Minho? What if it was Jonghyun sitting there tonight, just like so many night they have been drinking together.

He could imagine it, Jonghyun, his finger playing with the shot glass, leaning on his elbows, only looking up to meet his eyes. Teasing Key in so many other ways than Minho had, putting him in other situations.

Dark large eyes that always said something different than his lips. His words heavy and easily misunderstood. Jonghyun’s brought chest and toxic sent. If Jonghyun was sitting across from him, he would be drinking less. He would talk about other things. He would be nervous.

Key shook his head, no, he was not going to think about Jonghyun now. He didn’t even stand a chance anyway. A smile was faked on his lips, looking at Minho's large expecting eyes. Strange, Key just notice that Minho didn’t have a cupid’s bow, never the less his smile was friendly.

“Sure, but I’m really picky,” he said, it was not really a lie. He knew who he liked, and at this point, he didn’t think he could like anyone as much as he had crushed on Jonghyun. Especially if it was a girl.

~~~

3 missed calls and 7 texts. Key blinked slowly, were they all from Jonghyun? He clicked on all of them and saw that they indeed were. He started to frown. Why was the other so desperate for his attention? Did he do the same with Onew? Was Jonghyun just so petty when he was being ignored, was that why he was acting up?

“Is it alright to turn off the lights?” Minho’s voice came from the door,

“Yeah, go ahead,” Key answered him even though he didn’t look up. There was a small snap and the only light in the room was the harsh light of his out of date smartphone. Key opened the text, biting his lip, only now regretting that he didn’t answer his hyung before.

“Hey, wanna hang out?”

“I found something tasty.”

“I’m eating with Taeyeon Noona, she wants to meet you. come!”

“Are you out with friends too? where about are you?”

“Don’t treat your hyung like this....”

“Is your phone dead?”

“Key-ah I'm drunk.,”

The last text was only twenty minutes ago And Key didnt know what to do. Was this normal? He turned on to his back and felt the bed under him move. The drinks were still playing him too, making it feel more like he was on a ship rather than land. Maybe it was also playing his mind.

Jonghyun now knew that he had read the texts, he should answer too. He didn’t want to be rude. It would be better if Jonghyun would wake up with a text. But shouldn’t Jonghyun be working? Key didn’t understand it. Did Jonghyun do shows when drunk?   
That couldn’t be, Jonghyun was not so careless,

It was clear that Jonghyun missed him.

Key rubbed his eyes. He was tired, it was too late and he had been staying up too often. It was a terrible habit. One that he had gotten from Jonghyun. Even if he was not with him, Key had stayed up to listen to his broadcast.

He didn’t listen today. And he didn’t feel like starting now. He wanted to clear up his mind but no way around it he ended up with that blond in his head.

How? He turned in his bed, looking but not seeing Minho through the dark. The other was already asleep. Or at least he was quiet and relaxed.

Key wondered what it was that made Jonghyun unpopular or dangerous. There was nothing in his mind that came. Those sweet puppy eyes, his soft voice. No, Jonghyun had never been mean to him. He would never be unless he found out that Key had a crush on him.

Was that it? Jonghyun was a person easily loved but never loved back. Jonghyun sometimes didn’t understand someone else’s intentions. As if Jonghyun was blind to feelings other than his own. Was that the reason why he always so lonely?

He had an idea of love that was meant to be broken. He was obsessed with loneliness. Even if Key wanted to give it all, he could not bear have his heart broken by someone with such obessessions.

~~~~

Starfish - a woman or man that do just lays there during sex while the other does all the work.

Meeting - a get-together with an equal amout of men and women that have a meal together looking for love.


	7. step 7. Be too busy

“Hey, do you mind if I sit here?”

Key looked up kind of already guessing who it was from the soft gentle tone.

Onew was smiling down at him as if he was sorry that he had to ask. So Key only nodded, making a little bit more space for his hyung to sit down. He was hugging too much space anyways and the common area was crowded.

Next week midterms would take place and everyone was starting to panic. Even Jonghyun had hit the books, yet preferred to stay home rather than be tempted to chat with people passing by.

Key, of course, didn’t have that luxury. He had to make do with the study hall and share his large table with Onew.

The elder sighed and sat down, taking out his own books, much heavier than Key’s and scaring the younger about what would come.

Strangely they went back to studying. Not talking at all and fully relaxed with their space. 

Key smiled despite the tedious situation. He didn’t understand how Onew could be such a calming presence but he was and Key was glad. It was much easier being with him than with other people from his class that might have questions about the material they needed to know.

~~~

Did you know that a person can only study for three to four hours efficiently? The rest is just wasted time and loss of energy. The fact started to swirl in Key’s head when he found himself forgetting the information he knew he should know.

He checked his phone, already amazed that it was passed eight at night, the on-campus cafeteria was already closing and he was dying of hunger. Now he had to go out of his way to get some food. Maybe instant ryamun at the closest store.

He groaned, he really did not want that again. It had been his dinner for the last three days and lunch too.

“Do you want to have dinner together?”

Key looked up surprised as if he forgot that there was a person in front of him. Onew was smiling at him sweetly, not one of his dazzling ones, but one that was gentle and understanding. One that said that he knew, that he understood.

“I do,” Key said already agreeing before he thought about it. He might be tired but Onew was soft and comfortable, he would not push Key into anything extra, the younger didn’t have to impress him.

His hyung started to pack up his things and Key followed his lead like a little duckling would his mother. They went out the common room and off campus.

“Do you mind taking the metro? I'm really craving something, it’s not far, I promise,” Onew said looking back to see if Key was following.

He shook his head, he was craving something too. Something more homey or warmer, he couldn’t really put his finger on it either, but there was something he trusted Onew with.

So, they check in to the metro and let them be taken to where Onew wanted. A place that Key had not been before, not even the station. So he didn’t really know what to expect. But when they got back on the ground they were in a poor part of the city. One with old houses fast built after the war, nothing too fancy.

There were no bright lights trying to get customers into anything, shops were already closed, and there were not so many people on the street, and when there where they were men the age of Key’s father, with well filled stomached and thinning hair.

“Just in here,” Onew pointed out, a side street that seemed to have a bit more life. What seemed like a small family owned eateries littered here and there. Key could feel himself smile, yes that is actually what he wanted.

He wanted an auntie to fuss over how skinny he was, he wanted home pickled kimchi and some old tv flickering in a corner.

“Here we are,” Onew pushes aside a door and took off his shoes so that he could feel the matted floor. The place was bright and busy and just what Key had imagined. With its old cream wallpaper and low tables.

“Hi noona, how are you?” Onew was already making small talk, he must know the place well. Key had just taken off his shoes and joined Onew at a table that was a bit too large for them.

“A guest I see, you are not getting distracted with studying, are you?” An auntie said as she kneeled down next to them.

Key smiled shyly and bowed, helping the lady sort the side dishes, around the grill in the centre of the table.

Onew poured some water for them both but seemed to ignore the comment. Not even bothering to tell her what he wanted to eat.

Key didn’t really dare ask now, it was the first time that he had seen the older so cold, even though he had seen a glimpse of it last time they had chicken with Jonghyun.

Instead, Key laid the table with chopsticks, already eyeing the amassing side sleep littered there. There were two types of kimchi, one pickled, red and spiced and the other fresh, clear and crunchy.

Pickled mushrooms, silk tofu, raw garlic, salad with sesame sauce, roasted potatoes and cooked zucchini. Was this not a bit too much? No there was more, auntie came back with a hot pot of dubu Jichea and rice with beans.

“Careful,” The noona that had greeted Onew before was back, this time handing a put with burning coal. Onew almost jumped, opening the grill so that the girl could place the coals in.

“You should be careful, really, we need men to do these things, next time just ask me, I will do it.” Onew scolded her even if he was younger.

Key watched it all, knowing fully well that he was missing something here. The question was short lived though.

“Son, my Onew~!” Another lady rushed out of the kitchen and pressed herself against Onew, their cheeks squeezed together. And that split second Key saw how much they looked alike.

The younger guy hit his knee trying to get up and bowing. What was it and getting to know everybody’s mother, was next week Minho’s turn?

“Annyoungheassyo,” Key said loud and clear this time.

“Oh hello, welcome eat! I will get you something tasty. You are a student like my Onew too? You must be studying hard for the exams, I will get you some cow! Something healthy and good!”

Onew’s mother was a merry chatter, small and stout, she was the sunshine that her son had inherited. She only pecked her son’s cheek lovingly and giggled before disappearing again.

“I’m sorry, I should have told you but I don’t think you would come if I ask you if you wanted to eat at my parents' restaurant.” Onew smiled, this time apologetically.

Key bit his lip but smiled none the less. He shook his head, accepting the apology and understanding. He sure as hell would not have come.

Now he was glad though. He was in a home, spoiled as a son would get, he took his spoon and picked at the soup, turning it twice so that the base was mixed well and he had found a piece of mushroom.

He hummed after he tasted it. Well, Onew was lucky to have this as his home. But Key didn’t feel out of place. Not when he looked around himself, noticing that people were comfortable too. There was no form of faked politeness. It was the rawer feeling of home, people speaking loudly amongst tables like they were families that knew each other.

“I like living alone but once in a while when I study too much I miss being at home,” Onew said to start the conversation.  
Key looked up at his hyung, noticing that again Onew’s face was a little too dark in these bright lights.

“Don’t we live in the same building? You don't have a roommate?” he asked now that he was not so sure anymore.

Onew shook his head but let Key wait until he finished his tofu before he answered. “If you volunteer like me, you can ask the uni for a private room, though it is not really a luxury. It's not much bigger.”

The meat arrived, and Key couldn’t hold the growl in his stomach. Onew smiled at him but focused most of his attention on the thick pig belly that started to hiss on the hot grill. “Can I have a bottle of soju?”

“You sure? Your mother doesn’t like it when you drink.” The lady replied but Onew waved her off, after all, he was with a guest. Key didn’t really feel like drinking but Onew was his elder and host so he would be polite.

They made small talk while watching the meat change colour. Onew was a bit of a funny man. It wasn’t really something that Key didn’t know before, but it was the first time they were alone. Onew spoke differently to him.

And the conversation did turn more serious after the meat was grilled and mostly eaten. It turned into something that made Key a little bit more nervous.

“I’m glad you and Jonghyun are so close. He gets lonely quickly, so you have to pay him a lot of attention.” Onew said, in a joking manner when the conversation turned to their mutual friendship.

“I don’t really understand why me though, he was just there one day.” Key voiced the question that he had forgotten so long ago. They after all met due to Onew’s party.

“He thought you were really cute, that is why I send him to check on you when you went out.”

Key coughed when he heard that. He didn’t expect that Onew would have the answer. And if he had he didn’t expect that he would answer so truthfully, he had said it so easily.

“Cute? He thought I was cute? He knows I’m a guy, right?” the younger asked as if he didn’t like the way Onew was pulling his leg. That couldn’t be the real reason. No, really, because if it was than Key was in really big trouble. Onew was giving him hope.

“Jonghyun never cared for that, he calls anything cute and then he wants to collect them.” Onew was speaking without care, not knowing that Key’s life depended on this information.

“Am I an object to collect now?” this was getting really confusing. What was his hyung talking about?

“You know, he collects cute things. He cannot say no to them. And if he finds a person that he finds cute then he wants to protect them. Just look at how he treats his sister or his dog. I say he has a little obsession. He just wants you to be happy. I think if he would have a lot of money, he would be a sugar daddy.” 

Key wanted to choke again but he had nothing to do it on. The idea was so —hot. He could feel himself blush but just as quickly he dismissed it all, maybe for some other time when he could fantasise about it properly.

No, this was not the time and place. He instead looked at Onew who was innocently eating a piece of pork. This was the time that Key could ask something that was plaguing him awhile and get away with it without too many strange questions to counter it.

“I have never seen him dating, did he ever have a girlfriend? Or does he like cute boys too much?”

Onew took a second and Key got really worried that he had asked the wrong person, or asked the wrong way. He didn’t really know how close Jonghyun and Onew were.

“He had a girlfriend, didn’t last too long. I think he was a little overwhelmed by her. I think he didn’t have control and that scared him away. Or it was that she liked him too much and he felt guilty that he didn’t like her that much back. But I don’t really remember now. It was like three years ago. After that, he had been staying out of relationships. I think he is waiting for the one, or something so romantically stupid like that. That sounds very Jonghyun.”

Onew took a sip of soju and took Key’s silence just out of politeness.

“I really would not be surprised if it is a guy though, Jonghyun had this thing that he looks at people the same. Sometimes he gives compliments to guys that are a little too flirty. But I don’t know, on the other hand, he is just social and thinks that every human is deserving of love.”

Key felt strange, it was not that all hope was lost but he was hoping that he could have a clear answer. Even though he didn’t really know what it would change. If Jonghyun was open to dating boys than Key still didn’t have the courage to confess. So, it would not really matter?

“You know, I have a funny story. I once got really drunk with Jonghyun and when he gets really drunk usually, he gets emotional but this time we were in such a good mood he kissed me and he said that if I wanted he could be my girlfriend while saying at the same time that I had a weak heart and I should never get bullied. He didn’t want to see me cry. Though I doubt that Jonghyun has ever seen me cry.” Onew was laughing at the memory —clearly a dear one. 

Key faked a laugh, not hiding his worry too well. This was a joke that was too serious. Onew knew that Jonghyun didn’t agree with his girlfriend and it was true that the older one always seemed overworked, even when he was here in his own home, there was a certain distance between Onew and his family.

Jonghyun was a person that felt, that pitied and then sacrificed himself for the comfort of others.

“I think that that’s why my girlfriend doesn’t like Jonghyun, I have kind of cheated on her with him. But I didn’t expect Jonghyun to get on me like that. He just did, and when he was sobered up, he didn’t say he was ashamed of it.”

Now Key was frowning. This was interesting because no matter how you would look at it —knowing Jonghyun, he was serious about relationships. He would not just kiss Onew knowing his girlfriend, this could not be a drunken mistake.

But that would mean that Jonghyun liked Onew, more than just a friend? No matter how much Key wanted it, he was not as impressive as the elder. If this was a competition between him and Onew for Jonghyun’s affection than Key might as well sit down again.

“I have never seen Jonghyun drunk before, only tipsy,” Key said, kind of down, he was already defeated in battle. He didn’t know how to change the subject. Not without letting it known that he was upset about it all.

“He doesn’t really do it often, he is afraid to do something stupid,” Onew said without thought while he poured himself another shot of soju.  
Key joined Onew this time with a shot of cool alcohol and let it all sink into the pit of his stomach. This dinner had such a good start but now it was uneasy and he knew that he was going to have trouble getting to sleep tonight.

“But you?” Onew turned the conversation, not really in the direction that Key wanted it to go. And him? What about him? There was nothing interesting about him. Onew shouldn’t ask about him. “How do you get when drunk?”

“I get pretty when I get drunk.” Key whispered only to hit himself just a second later. Why did he say that? Why did Onew need to know?  
“Pretty?” Onew was giggling now, “what do you mean pretty?”

How should he explain this, well, this was embarrassing. He took another shot as if that would make him pretty.

“I get pretty, when I get really drunk, I always gloss myself up. I see a mirror and check myself out. once I got really drunk in a club and went to the bathroom. I didn’t get out again because I was so obsessed with my looks in the mirror, all the girls I went out with thought I had left.”

It was not the alcohol this time, Key was really blushing. It was right that Onew was laughing his head off too, he was after all a rare drunk.  
“You’re so cute, I have to tell Jonghyun that, he will like you even more!”

No, Key’s eyes grew, that was not a good idea, he really didn’t need Jonghyun to know. But instead of defending himself Key’s mind hung at the last part of Onew’s line. ‘he would like him more’? Somehow that made the younger sad. Even if Jonghyun knew, he wouldn’t like Key the same way.

“Why do you have to bring Jonghyun up in this?” Key whispered not really wanting Onew to hear him. It was just his luck that the elder would hear.

“He would absolutely adore you and you would make such a cute pair.” Onew was still snickering, picking at the kimchi just to get a juicy piece.

“We would?” Key looked up, the first time in a long time and just caught Onew's eye; the mood fell then. He had understood wrong. Onew was playing with him, nothing was serious. How did Onew see through him? Key bit his lip. All of a sudden he didn’t know if he was welcome here.

Onew’s dark look seem to disappear just as quick as it appeared and he cleared his throat, turning his back can calling for the auntie.  
Key pressed his eyes closed for a second and clenched his fist under the table. The was a dangerous game he was playing and Onew was important. He should be more careful, he shouldn’t be a fool.

“Shall we go? It is late.” Onew’s voice was gentle again and he looked up to see that his hyung had gotten up. He did the same, bowing to the mother who was waving them goodbye.

“I have eaten well,” Key called out and bowed a final time before following onew out of the restaurant.

The way back to the university was mostly quiet and Key realised now how tired he was. He took his phone out of his pocket and noted the time, it was well past ten. Minho would probably be getting back at this time too.

Key spared a glance to Onew to see if he was watching him but the elder had his own phone out. So it was only fair that Key could stay on his. Without much thinking, he was already on the kakao app and opening the last chat he had.

Jonghyun had not texted him in two days. That was normal for friends, right? It was not normal for them. They were different. This wasn’t usual for them and Key felt sad, cold and guilty. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to lie to himself, he didn’t really want to hide. Maybe he was just tired —his head full of information he didn’t really care about.

Key scrolled up the conversation, reminding himself what he had written the last week. It was nothing important, just silly jokes and slight bullying. It was always so playful, harmless. Now that it was so quiet it seemed serious.

Was Jonghyun also thinking about him? Was Key popping up in the conversation too? Did Jonghyun’s mother ask Jonghyun how he was doing? Key wanted to know all these things. He really wanted to know if he was important in the other’s life.

Maybe as a friend yes, but he wanted to know if he stood a chance. Even if the world wanted to keep them apart. Would Jonghyun choose him? But the most important question was ‘Did Jonghyun miss him too?’

Miss him, Key missed him so much. He missed how easy it was with Jonghyun. The elder had a strange comfort. A safe scent that made Key relaxed, a carefree laugh. When did Key become so comfortable? His fingers were typing before he knew it.

“Hyung sleep well,”

He even pressed send before he thought about it. That was stupid, not only was it so random, Jonghyun still had to do his late night show, the elder would not sleep for another 3 hours.

Maybe Key could have some luck in his life and have Jonghyun forget his phone, or better ignore it. But to his horror Key saw the little ‘1’ disappear on his message and he knew that Jonghyun had opened it.

Will he reply right away? Was Key holding his breath? He peeked over to Onew and knew it was time to hide his phone. They were at their stop, they needed to get out.

The walk back was less awkward since the elder had found his voice again. He was telling Key some tricks to study better but pressed on the fact that they had to head straight to bed. It was not good to tire yourself out just the night before exams.

Key thank him for everything. Even though the whole evening ended up being a bit awkward, Key was glad that he had spent the night to eat good food. So he accepted Onew's next invitation and bowed, letting Onew walk him all the way to his door before saying his real good night.

The room was dark when he entered so out of respect he only put on his desk light. He peeked over and saw that Minho had made it an early night.

“You back?” the deep voice asked and Key was guilty of disturbing him anyways.

“Yeah, I’m just going to get ready for bed and then turn off the light. I’m sorry, did I wake you?” he replied but saw Minho shake his head.

“I literally just turned off the lights five minutes ago. So don’t worry.”

Key nodded and went about his way so that before long he too was in bed with his heart beating fast for just one reason. He pressed on his phone screen, checking the time and reading the last message that was sent to him. One that Jonghyun had left him.

“I miss you.”


	8. Step 8. Make him worry about you

“How did you do?” Jonghyun asked him when Key reached him. It was Friday and exams were for the most part done. Even though the next week still had some Key was not too worried and right now too tired to do anything.

“I have to wait and see, I never know how I do. It will be alright.” Key shrugged, waiting for Jonghyun to get up.

They were going for a coffee then movie and food, probably. Maybe even drinks. Well, that was what Key wanted to do anyway.

“How were your midterms?” he asked Jonghyun when they started to walk to the metro. But Key had to look at Jonghyun since he didn’t answer in time.

Jonghyun was not really paying him much attention and that made Key pout. There was something more interesting on his phone it seemed and it took all Key’s will power not to look what it was.

“Projects,” Jonghyun muttered, and the younger blinked. What about them.

“We don’t really have exams anymore, they are not important. We do projects and right now there is this girl stressing me out.”

Key felt his face drop. A girl? Who? Did Jonghyun meet someone when he was studying? That fast? But he said nothing and let Jonghyun finish his text before they reached the metro stop.

“She is not doing her part of the project, and it is really annoying me since she always sends her parts in so late that I need to work after blue night. I can’t do anything. So, I have been prerecording my shows instead of being live. I don’t like to that since a lot of my inspiration comes from the immediate feed on twitter and kakao groups I have on when doing it.”

That sounded frustrating, but then again, Key didn’t listen to the show for a week now so he couldn’t say anything. Should he apologise? Key felt guilty —because he didn’t listen to the show and because of his instant jealousy of the girl.

“Did you tell her and your other teammates?” Key asked knowing that it was a bit of a stupid question but he had no other way to continue the conversation. After all, he didn’t know of any solutions but maybe getting the frustration out would put Jonghyun in a better mood.

“Yeah, I have told her every time that she is late. But she is a girl that doesn’t care. She is like a bit famous on Instagram and now everyone needs to treat her like a princess.” Jonghyun complained.

“Is she pretty?” Key asked even if he didn’t really want to hear the answer. He didn’t know what to do if she was. Somehow he was still feeling green. Even if she was annoying, Jonghyun swayed by cute things.

“She is a pretty I don’t like,” he said as he took out his phone again when they were in the metro. “Here.” He continued, handing his phone to Key and showing him an Instagram account. Sure enough with more than ten thousand people following she was someone but then again she had this feel to it.

Her face was small and light skinned, the latest make-up trend on her cheeks, she was thin too and tall. Even though that could all be in the angle of the photo. And Key understood, she was pretty but it all looked so fake.

“She is a model and one of the things she models for is the plastic surgery down in Sinsa,” Jonghyun stated almost bored.

They were standing in the metro, with no place to sit and because Key was still holding onto Jonghyun’s phone, The blond had taken it to himself to hold the younger stable.

Key mostly ignored Jonghyun’s touch looking a bit more at the pictures, hating to agree to himself that she was pretty. But when he looked back at Jonghyun he noticed that he was not looking with him.

Did he really not have an interest in pretty women? Maybe it was just the annoying nature of the girl.

“What is your ideal girl?” Key asked without thinking. He knew that Jonghyun always got a lot of affection from girls, he still wondered why he didn’t find it even if he knew Love was difficult for Jonghyun.

“Ideal, I like a cute person, cute as in pink and sugary. I guess like an innocent person. One that will get upset and then feel guilty about it. I think being shy is cute, but then again they don’t have to be afraid to be who they are.” Jonghyun was thinking aloud and slowly understanding that whatever he was saying did not make sense.

Key laughed when the elder started to pout. It was not really funny? If he didn’t know what he wanted then how was he going to find someone he liked?

“What about you?” his hyung changed the subject. Not really knowing what Key looked for either.

The question was met with a blush and Key looked at his feet, holding out the other’s phone in a way to distract him.

“I- I don’t know, someone that is easy to go around with and makes me laugh, playful but can have deep feelings,” Key said truthfully but hoping that Jonghyun didn’t catch on.

“No, I mean looks! What type of girl do you look for?” Jonghyun asked again this time pulling against Key’s shoulder. And that was not really what Key wanted, he already had a bad balance and the closest thing he could hold was Jonghyun’s shoulder. He moved closer to Jonghyun, their chest almost touching.

Key blinked taking aback but pushed back just as fast, giving the people that had to get past them just enough time to get out of the train. “I like chests,” he said without thinking, not realising that they should be talking about women. And the chest of a woman was not really a good thing to start with.

Jonghyun couldn’t hold his laughter. That was ridiculous and Key hid his face. “That doesn’t fit you at all, Bum. You like pan pan girls?”

“You don’t have to put it like that, I just don’t really know. I thought everyone likes boobs.” Key hissed, happy that it was a stop so lots of people moved about and nobody paid attention to him. He really was not interested in breasts but if he said it to any other person they would believe him.

“Why would you say that. It is perfectly fine not to like boobs,” Jonghyun said like he knew all of Key’s secrets. Jonghyun was annoyingly bright now. Key bit his lip and looked around himself for a girl so that he could just describe her.

“I just want someone with good style and an outgoing personality. I don’t care about the rest since there has never been a girl that caught my attention.” Key said and it might have been a bit too aggressive since Jonghyun’s smile fell for a second.

“You never liked anyone?” Jonghyun asked, a bit more carefully, now knowing that he was treading on nerves. But there was something else behind the question. Something that was not picked up by either of them.

There was a silence between them, but their eyes never left the others.

“Myeongdong station. This is Myeongdong station, you can trans-”

Key didn’t get to hear the rest of it when Jonghyun snapped out of his gaze and pulled Key to the door, “We need to get off here.”

The conversation was dropped so suddenly that Key didn’t know how to start something else. He was not willing to add, and it was best that they would leave it like this —at least for now.

“What movie are we seeing?” Key asked realising only now that he didn’t ask before. He was only happy that he got to spend time with Jonghyun that he didn’t care for the details.

“A Korean one, I don’t feel like listening to a language I don’t understand,” Jonghyun said as if he had never heard of subtitles. But Key could understand. His brain was a bit fried too, a Korean movie was easier to understand.

“You don’t speak any English?” Key asked in English this time. He was after all always top in his class in the foreign language and often impressed people with his skills.

Shame that Jonghyun was not impressed, instead of looking at him like he had insulted his heritage. “No,” he muttered back to the bilingual. “I hated studying it. It makes no sense, so I studied Japanese instead.”

“Japanese? That is so cool, I did too. I think I do better with languages so that is where focussed on when I was in high school. I’m useless with numbers or science. If I didn’t do marketing, I would just study a language in university. Be a translator or something.” Key was chatting again.

Jonghyun was smiling, knowing that this was an easy conversation and interested in the topic. High school memories were safe and they talked about it all the way into the cinema and only when the previews end did they stop.

It was only a shame that Key was not into the film so much. Maybe it was interesting, but he didn’t pay attention at the beginning and now he didn’t understand the plot. There were too many people involved and he didn’t know where they fit in the story.

Jonghyun was having fun though, Key peeked over when he heard the elder snicker at a joke. Key felt himself smile but the expression fell from his face when his mind remembered what they were talking about not so long ago.

Jonghyun wanted to know what his type was, didn’t he? Why did he do that? How could Key say that he was not interested in anyone when he had to lie to the one his desired. Jonghyun was smart enough to see that he was lying.

What would happen if Key told him? Not that he liked Jonghyun but that he was gay? Would Jonghyun fear him? Even if Jonghyun had said many times that he believes that love came in different shapes and sizes, and different didn't mean wrong. Did that mean that also Jonghyun’s love would bend to Key?

What was love even, could Key really say that he loved Jonghyun? No, he would not be so stupid. It was just a crush, a foolish crush just like the one that he had back in high school. There, where he fell for the charms of another boy.

It had confused him, and he was shy. He never acted on it and let it die out. Just like he was hoping his crush on Jonghyun one day would. He could not be best friends with the person he masturbated about.

And that was what it was. Jonghyun seemed to be a healthy man, so it was only natural that their conversations would steer into the taboo topic, sex. Key never had it the way he wanted it. It was too dangerous to let himself do what he wanted. It was just a silly fantasy at the time, kissing boys, touching, now it was dangerous.

Key moved in his large seat in the dark cinema room, so much so that Jonghyun glanced over, bending over to ask if he needed something. Key shook his head, not wanting to disturb the other people there with another whisper.

Key couldn’t keep his mind on the movie, instead going back to the embarrassing time when he accepted a girl's feelings just so that he could set his own head straight. It was only now that he knew that he was terribly selfish to play her.

He used the girl to lose his virginity to —doing a terrible job. But what could he have done at the age of nineteen? He was already a late bloomer in his class and this point he just wanted to get it over with. It had been horrible, and the girl had dumped him two days later but he had no hard feelings over it.

He had shrugged it off, knew now that he had a worse problem. Having sex with a girl was not his thing. What did that mean? Key didn’t dare go out and explore, not in his small city. Instead, he concentrated on getting out, and by doing that he had forgotten about love.

And when the need came, he just did it alone, secretly downloading videos of foreign men that were not cowards like him. To the point that he once or twice booked a trip to Seoul to meet men. Just so that he could have that same feelingless sex.

Key bit his lip, but now he was in Seoul permanently, now he knew people here. A place that seemed a place a world away and he was here next to the person that had shown him more affection he had ever had, was it so bad that he wanted to hold his hand?

The past months had almost been too much for him. But he would have expected as much. He signed and heard Jonghyun move next to him. All of a sudden there was a warmth pressed against his arm, Jonghyun had placed his arm on the armrest next to his. And even if Key shouldn’t care, he smiled.

~~~

“What do you want to eat?” Jonghyun asked him when the movie was over. The blond stretched when they got out of the dark room. Still, he didn’t get a reply from Key. The boy had been so far away for him in his mind that Jonghyun needed to pout. What was going on?

He really felt like a burger but just as he wanted to recommend a place Key looked at him and said. “Soju,”

Jonghyun blinked, he didn’t think that burgers and soju suited each other. But then again, he didn’t tell Key that he wanted some American food. One of them would have to bend to the other will. Jonghyun smiled, well, if Key wanted soju they would have to go eat something Korean.

And to get Key back in a happy mood Jonghyun knew what to do.

“Dakkalbi,” Jonghyun replied, smirking.

“I don’t think that is a good idea,” Key almost whimpered, knowing well what the dish would mean.

“Come on, I know such a good place.” Jonghyun didn’t even listen to Key’s complaining. He had already taken the younger’s wrist and pulled him to walk with him, out the cinema. It was Saturday and just in time for dinner.

The hour made the street overly crowded. Shops keepers were calling out about the latest sale while food vendors called out orders. It was hard to move between the people that all had a place to go. And it was not odd that Jonghyun’s hand had slipped into Key’s.

The grip that the elder had made Key’s idea of escape fly out of the window. His eyes were locked in their hands instead of the ground. He bumped into a number of people yet none of them expected an apology.

The sky was dark but the lights from the shops were bright and colourful, nobody cared that Jonghyun was holding Key’s hand. It was making the younger weak, only now realised that this was what he wanted.

This was a date. They went to the movies, touched arms like shy strangers and now they were holding hands moving through the city where no one knew them. Key smiled as he felt his heart fluttered. Jonghyun stopped for a second, maybe to get his orientation, but turned around to look at Key with a smile.

Instead of letting go, the elder pulled him closer, locking their arms together and moving again, Key hoped, was very far away.

“Over there, the second floor.” Jonghyun pointed out and Key pouted. He had half the mind to tell Jonghyun that he didn’t want to eat and they should go around looking for another place. But the elder had already let go of him, so it was really no use.

Key shrugged and walked into the building with a happy Jonghyun on his heels. He didn’t have to right to bring the mood down any longer after all that was not fair on Jonghyun.

~~~

“Why do Koreans eat food that hurts us?” Key said when he had another mouth full.

Jonghyun was not don’t so much better, he was hissing, letting the soju take away the spiciness of the chicken, if only it was for a second. “I want to stop but this is so good.”

The younger was whimpering as he picked on the melted cheese as if that would help. He could feel the tingling in his mouth, his lips must have swollen so badly. He was going to have a bad stomach ache tomorrow.

“This is too much, who thought it was a good idea?” Jonghyun complain clearly forgotten how they got here, it was his fault. He put down his chopstick and refused to eat anymore. Still, he was smiling, finally, have Key’s full attention even if at this point it was getting a bit sloppy.

“Bumie, don’t drink too much.” Jonghyun sang when again Key poured himself a shot, missing and getting a bit more on the table.

“It's okay, its peach flavoured soju, it is not so strong.” The younger whined ignoring Jonghyun’s advice and down the glass.

“Stop it,” Jonghyun said again, this time taking the bottle away from Key and giving him a stern look. This was odd, Key was not someone that would just get drunk but today it seemed that he had that plan. He had after all been acting strange all day.

“You shouldn’t get drunk.” Jonghyun continued not really knowing why he was using this tone. And it didn’t sit well with Key at all. The elder knew that once he saw the look on the other’s face. Key had never given him that look.

Disgusted, and Jonghyun pulled back, still holding the green bottle. Why was Key overreacting like this? What was going on?

“Sorry, are you okay?” Jonghyun said, all of a sudden feeling guilty for a crime that he didn’t know he had committed. Key placed his chopstick down and lend back into his chair. All of a sudden making the atmosphere strange and unwelcoming.

“Shall we go get some ice cream?” Jonghyun tried a final time. He was worried that everything he did at this point was wrong. And he didn’t know why he even tried. Usually, when it was a girl pouting at him for so long, he had already lost interest.

Men and women were just so different and would have such a different view it got annoying to keep everyone happy. Yet here he was trying so hard to cheer Key up, not because was a man, no because this entire evening it had felt like a date.

“Bapbingsu,” Key muttered as if he had been grumbly because they had not eaten it yet. Jonghyun felt himself smile, weak to Key’s cuteness and nodded. This was just the effect something cute had on him.

‘Love is blinding,’ Jonghyun had heard the saying so many times but did really know why it came up now. It was a stupid thing. Love was not blinding, feeling good was, cute things made him weak, Jonghyun just wanted Key to be happy.

It must have been stress that made Key so irritable. It was after all the first exam period he had since getting out of high school. The younger wanted so badly to do a good job at it that Jonghyun could understand.

“Come on, let's get bapbingsu.” He said taking the cheque even though he really wanted to take Key’s hand. 

~~~

Key sighed now filled up with food and sugar. He finally started to feel better, but then again he started to feel guilty too. Jonghyun had tried so hard to make it a nice evening, but here he was snapping almost twice in the span of four hours.

“Thank you,” the younger whispered. They were now outside the little dessert café in the dark night. He had been acting unreasonable and unfair to Jonghyun.

Yet the elder didn’t seem upset about it. He instead pulled Key closer, hiding him for the falling temperatures and laughing it off. Key was taller than Jonghyun but that still didn’t stop Jonghyun’s arm from the other’s shoulders.

“You have been stressed and now it will be okay, so don’t worry about it. And I can get grumpy too so you owe me one. Next time when I’m in a foul mood you will have to deal with me.”

Key only sighed at the comment, not knowing what he would do. “You know that my patience is very thin so I don’t think I would be any help cheering you up,” He said, telling Jonghyun the truth.

This time Jonghyun pouted, looking up to the younger because they were so close. “Come on, you have to put up with me even if I’m upset.”

“And how do I do that? Buy you ice cream?” Key said sarcastically. Not realising that it helped when he was in bad mood. It made Jonghyun chuckle and he petted Key’s cheek, not thinking that the smart remarks needed to be answered. 

“Come, I’ll bring you home,” Jonghyun said. Steering Key into the direction of the metro. It was not too late but it was clear that Key was tired.

A good night’s sleep might do the trick. And tomorrow Jonghyun was going to text him only. It was the weekend after all, and that would mean Key could laze in bed as long as he could. Maybe that was more effective than ice cream.

“Are you going to bring me all the way to the dorm?” Key asked when Jonghyun followed him into the metro. Maybe Jonghyun forgot that they didn’t live together. But Jonghyun only nodded.

“I will, I have time to kill before my broadcast.”

Ah, it was Key who was an idiot. “I’m sorry,” Key said when Jonghyun brought him all the way to the door. He had been rude to Jonghyun, petty even.

Jonghyun shook his head again. He didn’t care about all of that. Even though they had better days, this was also part of a relationship. It only made Jonghyun more motivated to find better ways to cheer the younger up.

“You look tired, I’m sorry that I pulled you out to hang out with me. Maybe next we can just watch a movie at my place, order food in and relax.” The other replies, also liking the idea more. They were already in front of the dorm at this point.

Key look at the ground, playing with some stone with the tip of his foot. That did sound nice, but also dangerous. He didn’t know what he would do alone with Jonghyun anymore. Maybe all of this was a bad idea.

The lack of an answer worried Jonghyun, even if he didn’t really understand why. The look what the other had could be explained. Key was really feeling sorry yet was not looking for pity. Key was lonely, in need of some love maybe, understanding. It was the same face Roo made from time to time.

Jonghyun pulled Key closer, knowing that a hug might do the trick. He didn’t want to explain, nor was he waiting for Key to question him. And just as he had guessed, the younger melted into him.

Though Jonghyun’s arm was over his should and another over the upper of his back. Key hugged his middle. It changed the friendly embrace into something more intimate over time. Jonghyun signed and closed his eyes. He didn’t even realise how long it was ago that he had hugged someone. And maybe Key was trying to remember the same thing. It was comfortable and they should have done it before.

“Key?” There was another voice and as if the younger was burned he pushed Jonghyun away.

Jonghyun was hurt, he wouldn’t hide it. Now, the moment when he was allowing himself to be selfish. He wanted to glare at the younger, but his face fell as he saw him. Key was paying the newcomer attention, and he looked worried —scared.

There was something wrong. Jonghyun turned around and looked at the person that had called Key. A tall dark haired guy. Maybe the same age as Key, was he a classmate? Why was he looking at them like we were doing something wrong? Jonghyun hated it, this person was probably thinking something strange. They always did.

“Minho, you finished your training? I was just getting home.” Key said and it was all so fake. He was nervous. Jonghyun could hear it. Key’s accent was stronger than usual. What was he scared of? Jonghyun looked at the stranger named Minho again.

Handsome, that was for sure. He large eyes were confused, holding the blonde's gaze. Should he introduce himself? Yet there was something that stopped him from doing so. The tall guy was not smiling at him —he was not welcoming him as a friend or hyung from Key.

“Yeah, just finished. Should we go in?” Minho said, finally breaking eye contact with Jonghyun and looking at Key with sad eyes. Why was that? Jonghyun looked at Key and somehow felt his heart sink when the younger nodded.

Why was Key leaving him to go with this guy? Why did it feel so wrong? Minho started to walk, opening the door so that Key could follow and when Key did Jonghyun somehow got hold of Key’s hand.

The younger just looked it before looking at Jonghyun. He smiled but his eyes didn’t. “Good night, hyung.”

“Good night, Key.”

Jonghyun said before letting him go. His head already filled with questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like some classic Minho cockblock actions


	9. Step 9. Find an other point of view

“You do that often?” Minho asked when he unlocked their room. Key looked at him, not really knowing what Minho wanted to hear.

“Hug? No, I just needed it.” Key confessed, telling Minho the truth and knowing that he should thank Jonghyun for the night.

“Are you drunk?” the taller asked him, but Key didn’t really want to talk to him anymore. Minho was being nosy, and he had no rights to. Instead, Key had taken his phone out of his pocket and opened his text chat with Jonghyun.

His fingers were already typing before he removed it all. What would he say? Somewhere he thought it was awkward, Key bit his lip.

“Did you drink?”

Key glared at Minho, the taller was getting on his nerves now, why did it all matter to him? Why was he so concerned about his and Jonghyun’s relationship?

“No, I’m not drunk. I was upset and hyung was comforting me. And why do you care? Why is it that everyone says that I have to be careful around Jonghyun?” Key snapped, finally wanting the answers. He owned Minho nothing.

“People will talk if they find you hugging around campus. I just want you to be careful.” Minho explained but it was all such a weak argument. Key had to roll his eyes at that.

Jonghyun was deemed a weirdo because he confessed everything wrong with society and who didn’t want to play by the rules. He had made a lot of enemies that way. But didn’t people understand that he also stole a lot of hearts?

“I’m sorry, I’m just wanted to look out for you,” Minho hung his head, maybe now understanding that he had crossed a line. It made Key sigh and look back down at his phone so that he could finish his text.

“Thank you, hyung. I’m sorry that I was so petty today. Can you spoil me again next time?”

He added some cute emojis to the text, hoping that the joke fell well with the other and that there would be no hard feelings. It was already past eleven so there was a good chance that Jonghyun would reply before doing his broadcast. 

“Look Minho, I know you get nervous when I’m around Jonghyun, but I really don’t understand. If your hyung has a problem with Jonghyun, they need to figure it out by themselves. Jonghyun has never hurt me and he is really kind. He is my best friend and so I will be alright if they start some stupid rumour behind my back.”

They were standing in the middle of their room, unable to go anywhere. And now that Key had it all out Minho sighed. He knew all along that he had no power here.

“Minsuk-hyung had a girlfriend that ended up falling in love with Jonghyun. Even though they had not met. It was all that radio show he has. Anyways, she confessed with a letter to him but Jonghyun shamed her for having feelings for him while being in a relationship. He called her stupid and selfish. He didn’t have to do that on his radio show. He didn’t say her name but she knew it was her letter he read out loud. Minsuk hyung hates Jonghyun for that since it destroyed his relationship and he is now all bitter about them.”

Minho told him, turning on his desk light, pausing to see if Key wanted to say something but the other stayed silent.

“I just didn’t want you to get hurt. You seem to like him very much. And even if Jonghyun doesn’t mean too he can hurt you. The girl left the university and then the country, too ashamed to face all the people that know what she had done.”

Key didn’t lie, that had surprised him. He bit his lip and looked away. No matter how he thought about it, it sounded like something Jonghyun would do. It was one of those many stories he read out on the show. Just pen on paper and story to tell. But the thing was that they were all feelings. Feelings of people that they confessed after hiding them for so long.

Would Jonghyun do the same with him? Would he not understand the position that Key was in hiding them all now? The frustrations he had and the fear that came with it. He was not a girl. His love life would be a little bit more complicated. But he already made his peace with that.

“Please Minho, you really don’t have to worry about me,” Key said feeling exhausted at this point. If it was not Jonghyun, someone else would break his heart. This country was just not open yet for same-sex relationships. Not in Daegu or Seoul.

Maybe he should have gone to Europe, as far away as he could, where he could be proud. Just to be himself, to feel not ashamed. Was that too much to ask for? Frustrations were running high and Key felt as small as ever.

“Are you okay?” Minho asked quietly, now really worried about how defeated the other looked. It was not normal, especially when he saw Keys eyes glistening. Did he make him cry?

“I just want to rest, not think about anything,” Key said. All of the feelings finally boiling over. This was getting too much and he would have a breakdown. He had forbidden his own thoughts for so long.

“Do you want a hug?”

Key blinked, not expecting that Minho would offer. Jonghyun had not asked, Jonghyun was more in tune with his feelings but than again the elder had been a big tribute to his state of mind.

Minho was different. The room was dark but the taller was looking, trying to see every detail on Key’s face. So Key smiled, a second that he used to relax and then nodded. 

He nodded, knowing that right now that sounded like a good idea. Without anything else, arms wrapped around him again and Minho pulled him close. Maybe paying Key the hug that he had broken up just before.

There was nothing said, mostly because they didn’t know what to say. They didn’t want to make it awkward. And even if Minho didn’t understand what was going on, even if he didn’t know Key for long, he wanted to be there.

It must be hard, being so far away from home. Key had not gone home once in five months, even if Minho went home from time to time, sometimes once a week. Didn’t Key want to? Was he not on good terms with his parents? Or was Minho just overreacting? Was there another reason?

“If there is something that bothers you, I can listen to you. I mean, if you want to talk. Not now, at any time.” Minho continued —squeezing a little more, just like his mother did with him.

Jonghyun might be a sensitive guy but he might not be the right person to talk too. Onew was the same, he was trained into listening, but he was Jonghyun’s friend. Minho was here offering. Minho could be neutral. Key almost wanted to spill everything.

But there was something holding him back. Minho was his roommate. Confessing to him could make a lot of things awkward. Would Minho be alright with having a gay roommate?

Now things were comfortable, Minho changed the subject. “Maybe later, let's go to bed.” he finally said, letting Key know that he was safe. He didn’t have to confess anything tonight. Minho let go of him slowly letting the other have the time to pull him back if he needed it.

Key let him go though, as much as he was craving the connection of someone, it was Jonghyun’s touch he desired. Even if Minho was tall and well build. Key smiled to himself. He was in trouble, if he had never met Jonghyun than Minho would be in danger, Key would have fallen for him. Yet here he was together in a dark room, only a desk lamp on, touching and there was no spark.

Key met Minho’s eye and smiled. “Thank you,”

They got ready for bed separately and said good night.  
Now it was dark and there was nothing but soft breathing. Minho could not have fallen asleep yet and Key would stay awake for a long time.

He rose his hand, barely able to see it, through the dark. He spread his fingers playing with them so that he could think of something else.

“I think I’m falling for him.” He said loud and clear as if there was no one else in the room. And for a moment it seemed there was no one.

“In love?” Minho whispered back, clearly wide awake.

“Yeah, and I want to,” Key confessed, to himself as much as the other in the room. “Does that disgust you?”

There was silence again and this time he was holding his breath too. He might have murdered a friendship. He might have distorted his happiness that he felt here. The freedom he had while hiding.

“No.” The answer was clear and there was no lie in it. Key sat up turning to where Minho was in his own bed. Even if he heard it, it could have been all in his imagination.

“I don’t mind, I don’t believe that I have to rights to keep you from loving who you want. I don’t understand why people would get disgusted with it. You never made me feel uncomfortable. And this is not going to change. I’m your friend and I don’t think that it is good that you hide any longer. This is your home now. Be who you want to be.”

Key let out a sob. His breath was shaking and his eyes were streaming. Never had he imagined this.

“Are you okay, Key?” There were some sounds and then a thud. Minho had climbed out of his bed and snapped the little light on his desk back on.

Key had broken down, finally letting all of his frustrations out in another sob. He sat up but at once curled up. He felt so bad; his own heartbreaking. He said it, he had done it. That fear that he had had for all those years. All these moments that he kept himself from feelings. Was this the first step?

“Key, move over. I’m coming in.” There was a hand that pushed him to the side, the dip of his bed and Minho’s arms were back around him.

“Key, shush. It's okay. I really don’t mind.” His deep voice was soothing, and Key lend into the warmth. There was no way that Minho was lying to him. This would not be a joke, he was really worried about him. He wanted to know.

“Is Jonghyun the first guy you have liked?” Minho asked just so that he could know more. Maybe to know why Key was so upset about it all. After all, he was taking a real interest.

Even if Key couldn’t get out of his words, he shook his head. Now that he had made the first step and he had not lost Minho he wanted to spill everything. “I knew since middle school. I never told anyone. I have always hidden it.

“Do you want to start a relationship with Jonghyun?” Minho asked after a while. There was silence after that too, Key only hiccupped, raising his face to look at Minho.

It was a forbidding question, one that he didn’t dare ask himself but now that Minho had asked it he found himself thinking of an answer.

“I am really not sure. I don’t think I’m ready. I have never been in one and I don’t know how. I never dared to hope.”

Key spoke the truth. Finally letting out what he had surpassed. Still when Minho spoke so easily about it than it must be fine to do so.

“Well, relationships are always tricky. I have only been in one that I think was real. It lasted 7 months so that is why I count it. It's just —if you want it you take it. You will be hurt, you will cry and it will be scary but on the other hand the joy, fun and good feelings often make it worth it.”

Minho scratched the back of his head, “I think Jonghyun is better with words than I am though. I have heard that that is his thing. Talking.”  
Key had to giggle, it was nice after that fright. Even if Minho didn’t think he was, he was comforting him a lot.

“I think that was really romantic that you said that,” Key said, realising that it might be a better idea to fall in love with Minho instead. He looked at his friend, the first time with tears still wet on his cheeks.

Minho would make a good boyfriend. But he was just not Key’s style, he was an open book to him and Key wanted a mystery. Jonghyun was everything that he wanted, after all, he could not help himself for falling for Jonghyun over and over again. Like a rebel, sinking in deeper when he forbade himself to like Jonghyun. 

“Do you feel better now?” Minho asked, to Key’s surprise laying down on his bed. It was tight and Key looked at him, no way that this would be comfortable.

“Are you sleeping here?” Key asked him, not really knowing what the other was doing. Did Minho not understand that this could be taken as? Key had just confessed that he liked men. Now the other thought it was a smart idea to sleep next to him. Did Minho trust him so much?

“I usually sleep with a body pillow. I don’t bother you, right? I won’t do anything. And I don’t think you will confuse me for Jonghyun. I’m a lot taller.”

Key laughed even though he shouldn’t have. It was not fair on Jonghyun. Still, he did, hitting Minho’s chest for the joke. Then he laid down not really thinking about anything else. If Minho was okay with sleeping next to him then he was not going to complain.  
After all, Key had been so lonely lately.

~~

That night, out of exhaustion, Key fell asleep next to Minho. He didn’t know if the other had stayed the night by his side or if he went back to his own bed. Whatever it was, Key felt better. He was not so down as he had been the night before and when he woke up, he could smile.

Minho was already up and changing his shirt turning only when Key said his croaky good morning. The younger smile sweetly and closed his top two buttons. “Hey, I have the morning shift, so I’ll be heading out soon. It’s still early so sleep some more. If you want, we can have lunch outside. I get off at noon so it will work out well.”

Key nodded, staying in bed a moment longer sounded wonderful. And Minho’s friendship had not changed a bit, or maybe it even became deeper.

“I’ll pick you up at noon then,” Key said letting Minho go to work without asking more. He was too sleepy anyways. He yawned and turned around hearing the door closing.

The room was dark again when Key opened his eyes. Cool light of the morning sun already trying to get up. What was the time? Now that he was awake his brain started to work and Key started to be restless again.

His phone was right there, uncharged but still alive. Key picked it up and attached the cable so that his phone too could have his energy back. The screen lit up showing that he had messages that he had not checked yet.

A small smile formed behind a little bit of guilt. Jonghyun a send him a number of texts and he had not seen any of them. He was too scared to look last night but now they were making him warm.

“Are you okay? Did we get in trouble? Was that another friend of yours?”

“Don’t be upset anymore. I hope he can cheer you up a bit more. If you need me just call.”

“Bum bum, did you fall asleep? I finished my broadcast now, heading home. I hope you sleep well.”

“Can we meet tomorrow? If you want to.”

Key had not replied to any of them but that had not mattered to Jonghyun it seemed. He was worried about him and was not afraid to show him.

“I’m good now, I had a good rest and feel better. Sorry for being so difficult yesterday.”

He replied, and send a cute emoji after it again, knowing that Jonghyun would be more forgiving if he acted cute.

Not even a minute later Jonghyun replied like he had been waiting with his phone unlocked all this time.

“Everyone has their moments. Don’t worry about it. So what are you doing today?”

Ah, yes. Jonghyun had asked him to meet. Still today he had plans with Minho.

~~

I thought you said you were busy.” A voice said one that Key knew all too well.

Jonghyun sat down on the chair next to his, just as if he was waiting for the elder instead. Key was used by now that Jonghyun tended to invite himself.

“I’m waiting for a friend to get off work so that we can go for lunch. I meeting you for dinner. So don’t pout at me.” Key huffed playing annoyed like he always did. But today his acting was not good and his smile was breaking through.

No matter what, somehow Jonghyun’s attention was making him feel better. It was his guilty pleasure.

“Recovering?” Jonghyun asked and Key turned to him, he owned Jonghyun an apology for his behaviour from yesterday. He had been terribly grumpy.

“I do, I’m sorry, I was just upset with myself. I had a little breakdown.”

Jonghyun shook his head like he didn’t want to hear it. “I’m just jealous, is all.” Leaning closer so that it looked like the other would tell him a secret.

Key frowned. That was an odd thing to say. But he stayed silent so that the blond could explain himself.

“I wanted to be the shoulder you cried on.” He said, taking his hand and touching Key’s face. Not with his fingertips but with his palm, stroking with his thumb just under his eye.

Key’s shook look formed into a smile. “Of course I can’t hide the fact that I cried from a professional cry baby.”

Jonghyun chuckled, a low and husky sound that was pulling the younger closer. He felt warm loved and comfortable. Jonghyun cared.

“Jonghyun-ssi?”

Their moment was broken and they broke apart, looking up and seeing Minho.

Again.

The tall man gave Key a sheepish smile but turned back to Jonghyun. Only then did Key notice the annoying buzz on the table. Jonghyun’s drink was ready but he didn’t pick it up.

“Americano,” Minho held out the cup and placed it on the table before hurrying away with the buzzing disk.

“I’m really unlucky,” Jonghyun muttered and it didn’t seem that Key should have heard that.

Key coughed. He somehow agreed but felt for Minho too. What must he be thinking? That was the second time in less than 24 hours that he interrupted a moment.

“What were you planning today, Hyung?” Key asked to change the subject. He didn’t know what else to do anyways

“Get coffee, I need to bring some books back, then go to the studio. I want to update some things, and I’m guessing it will be dinner time by then.” Jonghyun replied, leaning back into his chair.

“What time does your friend come?” He added while taking off the lid of the to-go coffee letting the steam out and dance in the weak sunlight coming into the shop.

“Well, he is here already. The guy just now. That’s the one I’m meeting. He still has ten minutes of his shift left.” Key explained. Did Jonghyun not recognised him?

“That’s your roommate right? The one from last night.” Jonghyun asked the thing Key was a bit afraid of. After all, when his voice was so cold like that Key knew Jonghyun well enough that he knew that he was annoyed.

“Yeah,” Key replied “Why don’t you join us for lunch, Hyung? I’m sure that he doesn’t mind.”

But Jonghyun shook his head. “I can’t now, I have planned everything around dinner. I won’t have enough time. I want to prerecord some shows before.”

Key nodded and felt himself pout. He wanted Minho and Jonghyun to get along. Minho didn’t have to think that Jonghyun was a bad character anymore.

“Maybe next time, Bum. You don’t have to spend all your time with me. I can handle myself.”

Jonghyun was serious, but that confused Key. Usually, they were joking about things that serious but when the younger met Jonghyun’s eye he knew that Jonghyun was more upset than that he was letting out.

“Hyung, I really like spending time with you. Yesterday I just… was tired of everything. I think Seoul is a little much and I have not been in school like this. It is so different from just a mindless job. But I don’t regret spending time with you. You make me so happy. And well, I had to have my cry one way or another. Minho was just there because I don’t have privacy.”

“You don’t need to be uncomfortable around me. If you need a moment. Just tell me. You can come to my house. Have my room while I do blue night. Be alone for a little while.” Jonghyun interrupted him. He was almost angry, and Key didn’t understand why. There fell a moment of silence.

But Jonghyun covered Key’s hand, just so that the younger would look at him. “You are not alone, and you have places to go. don’t bottle up your feelings. Even if you don’t want to share them with me. I promise I won’t ask, but please don’t make me worry about you.”

Key’s heart fluttered, his breath hitched and he felt his eyes burn again. Was Jonghyun real? What was he asking Key to do? Why was he feeling so safe? Was Jonghyun breaking down his walls, why would Jonghyun do that?

The younger lowered his eyes, whispering his ‘thank you’. He meant it. Though it was too soon. Jonghyun was playing with his feelings, not even knowing about them. Key didn’t know why he was so scared about them. Jonghyun’s hand was still over his, the contrast between them so high. Funny how they complimented so well.

Jonghyun’s palm was large and warm, tanned and short fingered. Key smiled, his long fingers thin and apart so that it looked that they were holding hands. Was that what Jonghyun was hinting at? Did Jonghyun want to hold his hand? This could not only be friendship. It was confusing Key.

He smiled and lifted his head. “Thank you hyung.” He repeated. Right now, he was happy that Jonghyun was here for him even if he didn’t really know what it meant. He was just proud to have Jonghyun’s attention.


	10. Step 10. Linger in his touch

“You look good together,” Minho said when he finally was off from his work. He had changed from his dress shirt into his simple t-shirt like the ones he always wore, the one with a pocket on the chest. Key cocked his head, what did that mean?

“I thought he was going to kiss you, I’m sorry that I interrupted.” The taller now apologized.

“Kiss? Jonghyun was not going to kiss me.” Key laughed, saying that was just ridiculous. Minho knew nothing about Jonghyun. “Jonghyun is always very touchy feely. But he never means it.”

Minho rose an eyebrow before they started to walk. He was starving, he worked hard today. Saturdays were always busy. “I don’t know, but I never touch my friends like that. Do you know if he does that with other friends too?”

Key fell silent for a second. Now that he thought about it, Key never had seen Jonghyun touch Onew like he did with him. Sure, Jonghyun petted his hyung, but never did he place his hand on top of his. Still, Jonghyun only did it when they were alone. And Onew had said that Jonghyun craved touch. So, for Key it was not a surprise that Jonghyun did it to Key, otherwise, how did Onew know?

“I never thought about it.” Key confessed and Minho smirked as if he had his own ideas.

“I think he likes you back,” he said, and Key exploded into a blush. This was not what he expected from Minho. Why would he be so interested in his love life?

“Well, clearly you don’t know each other. I did kind of ask him if he wanted to join lunch.”

“We should, but I have the idea he doesn’t like me.” Minho sighed. Saying something Key was also worried about. But he shook his head.

“Jonghyun is difficult. I didn’t think he liked me when we first met. But here we are.” Key shrugged. Following the taller into a back alley short cut.

There where there were a lot of traditional style restaurant that sold food a tourist didn’t dare eat. Key though preferred these meals, Feeling more satisfied after some stew and side dishes too smelly for most people.

They were going to eat fish this time. Since Minho had grown up near the sea, he had a better taste for them. He wanted to eat this with Key for some time now.

“Let’s sit here.” Minho pointed out at the table in the corner. It was already crowded and most of them were middle-aged men.

Key didn’t mind the fact. No, he liked it even. This was normal, this felt more like Daegu.

“What are we having?” Key asked, not even bothering to look at the menu hung on the wall.

“Boiled anglerfish. I hope it good. But I think it is since the place isn’t smelly.” He said before repeating the order to the lady who was covering their table with traditional side dishes.

“But to get back to it. If it didn’t know any better, I would think it was the other way around.” Minho continued when they were in private.

“What is?” Key asked already picking at a pickled leaf.

“Jonghyun was looking at you, I can’t describe it differently. He looked so worried like he really cares about you.” Minho told him. This time dead serious.

“That is because he was really worried. And I don’t think you love me in that way. Still, you slept next to me yesterday because I was crying, or are you saying you are gay for me?” Key rolled his eyes.

He understood that he was interesting, but he didn’t really want to speak about his love life. Especially with Minho that never thought about it all.

“Ah, Yeah. I see your point. It’s just you have a way to attract men. We both care for you.” Minho said in a way that was clear that he knew that Key was done with the conversation. He lowered his gaze and picked another side dish to taste.

“What about you? Didn’t you think being a barista would give you the chance of finding a girlfriend?” Key turned the table. Hopefully not making the other too uncomfortable.

“Well, yes. I got some numbers, but I didn’t really go on a date. Most of them I find boring after texting. And I’m having more fun hanging out with friends that I just didn’t have the time for a girlfriend. Maybe when I settle in better.”

Key smiled and nodded. After all, that was his plan before he met Jonghyun and even now. He just wanted to get around.  
The conversation changed topics a couple of times, but love didn’t really play much part in it. It was more about silly childhood memories that shared an interest that Key almost forgot the time. After all the food was now cold. They had eaten their share.

“It’s past three, when are you meeting Jonghyun?” Minho asked him.

Key bit his lip, even though he had seen the other just in the morning, he didn’t ask him that.

“I don’t know, I should text him,” he said pulling out his phone and not even surprised anymore that he had texts from his hyung. All of the questions that Key wanted to ask him.

“Let me reply real quick.”

Where should they meet? Jonghyun was in his studio so it was best that Key went there, and then what time? Well, he was free now but knew that the other had a lot of work to do he thought it was best as late as possible.

“Come Minho, I need to get some studying done before I meet with Jonghyun.” They should go home for a while, surely Minho too had some homework or sporting event.

~~~~ 

There where two other people in the shop when Key walked in. Jonghyun was sitting behind the counter, typing away and only looked up when Key reached him.

“Anything specific you are looking for?” the elder played in with a smirk. And Key already knew that was expected.

“I’m looking for something new and exciting.” He said, wondering if Jonghyun was smart enough to get him something.

The blond looked him up and down, checking out what the younger was wearing before thinking of the next response. “I think that I have something in the back that might be interesting for you. But we will have to wait until closing time. Why don’t you come here behind the counter?”

Key huffed, it was clear that Jonghyun's foreplay game was not that strong. Still, the younger unzipped his jacket and took the other chair that was behind the counter he shouldn’t be at.

“Have you thought about taking a job here? We can entertain each other and make some extra cash. I know my uncle doesn’t really pay much though.” Jonghyun said as he made more place on the table so if Key wanted anything, he could place it there.

“And see you even more than I already do? Really, that is a bad idea,” Key laughed. He only placed his phone on the table top, there was too much on it already. Notebooks with Jonghyun’s scribbles, his laptop and a couple of books.

Key pick one up, a thin, large one with a colourful print on it. It was a children’s book though Key didn’t know it. It must have been new, this copy was at least.

“The little prince,” Key muttered the title before opening it, pretty sure that Jonghyun wouldn’t mind.

“It is one of my favourites. Even though I never read it when I was young. It is French, at least I think. But the story is beautiful.” The blond said. His eyes were soft, and he was smiling as he watched Key flip through the pages.

“Will you read it to your children then?” Key asked, paying more attention to the book than his question.

There was a husky chuckle and the younger looked up. “I will first read some of it to my listeners.”

There was a moment of silence that Jonghyun really didn’t notice, yet Key bit his lip.

“When do you think you will get married?” the younger asked, now that they were on the topic of children. Key wanted to know if there was even chance. Had Jonghyun some hopes and dreams?

Jonghyun was typing away on his laptop again. A word document with some kind of script there. “Married? I don’t think so, I don’t really agree with it.”

Key wanted to roll his eyes but this was more serious than that. He asked what that meant instead.

“I don’t think it has anything to do with love anymore. It is purely political and financial. It is all in a system I don’t agree with. I mean there are a lot of people that can’t marry, because of who they love, or their age, or just money. People get married for the wrong reasons too. Just because they don’t want to be under any pressure. A baby, or religion. I want to make a statement with it. I want to be with someone that I love, I don’t want to government involved.”

The younger was another moment silent, not really knowing that that was the answer that was going to help him. Yet it was such a Jonghyun thing to say.

“Excuse me?” A customer called out and Jonghyun stood up at once, answering. He hurried to her to respond to her demand about some CD and let Key alone to shake his head.

Jonghyun was a daydreamer. Even if he was there to make the world a better place. Key, on the other hand, had lived with a secret for almost ten years; he was suffocating in his own home, never had anyone to share with, he had been too afraid to cry. He stayed silent.  
It was all too simple for Jonghyun to speak out and somewhere Key felt jealous. But a sigh helped him. No, it was unfair to feel that. Just because Jonghyun was there for him might give him the courage he needed that one day he would need.

Even if their stories were not the same, they had their own battles to fight. Key was not going to judge Jonghyun for choosing the ones he did. Even if it had given him many enemies.

The elder smiled at him as if he knew that Key was thinking about him. He was innocently blinking at him from afar while his custumer was thinking. It seemed so impossible that Key had felt intimidated by him before.

Still now, that Jonghyun was slowly opening up to Key, there was no way to understand why he did the things he did. Key should be satisfied with that, maybe one day he would just shrug and admit it. If he wanted to start a romantic relationship with Jonghyun would it be enough to just accept the fact they would never think the same way?

They were too different. Even as two men, they would never see eye to eye. When would that become annoying? When would Jonghyun have enough of him? Whatever the answer was it would show itself one day.

Jonghyun hurried back to his place, passing behind the younger and letting his hand slide over his lower back. The girl had decided to take the album and Jonghyun wanted to finish the deal. Key bowed his head for a second but didn’t know what else to do. He just let Jonghyun do his job.

“I don’t miss being behind a cash register.” Key finally confessed as they watched the girl leave. Slowly the shop was emptying, and it was time to call it a day.

“That is a pity, but I was not going to ask you twice. Don’t worry.” Jonghyun said, turning back to the other. The shop was now vacant, and Key was very aware of it. Only because there was not much space behind the counter so Jonghyun had placed one knee between his.

“Is there something you want to eat, Bum?” Jonghyun asked as he clean and tidied about. Turning off the computers and lights one by one.  
Key smiled at the nickname. It didn’t bother him when it came from the blond. It was so endearing even that his shoulders softened. There was a warm hand placed on his thigh and he looked at it— large palm and short fingers. 

“I’m not too hungry. I had a lot for lunch but I really don’t mind. I just don’t want to drink.” Key confessed looking at Jonghyun again, a bit shy. It must be a bit out of character that he didn’t want to drink. He followed Jonghyun around now, not wanting that the other would have to wait on him.

“What about bingsu? Do you want some desserts?” Jonghyun didn’t even have to think, he didn’t blink or look surprised. It was almost like he was excepting it. Or maybe he wanted to avoid what happened last time.

“Are you not hungry? I’m up for some ice cream but I think we need some real food at least first. I didn’t have breakfast since I slept in.” Key asked.

“Can I take you to another type of bingsu cafe? They are not that big but they always have interesting flavours.” Jonghyun asked him as he locked up shop, ignoring Key’s statement completely.

The younger sighed and just nodded. Fine then, have Jonghyun’s way but Key was going to remind him if he got grumpy when he would get hungry.

~~~

“Stay here,” Jonghyun said and Key looked confused. They had finished their sweet and there was no reason to stay any longer.

“Here? Why?” He asked but Jonghyun shook his head. He might not have made himself clear.

“We are close to my house. Stay there. Rest and spend the night. My mother is at my grandma’s and I don’t think my sister is coming home. You will have a moment for yourself. I need to work anyways.”

Jonghyun was blabbering. But it was sweet, Key had to smile. That did sound nice, a moment just for himself. Key always treasured those.

“Only Roo will be there. And I’ll come back at 2 am. You can even take a bath!” Jonghyun tried more, not even hearing if Key had anything against it.

“Will your mother be alright with that? I mean, it is your mother’s house,” Key said not really sure if it was Jonghyun’s invitation to give out.

The elder shook his head. “My mother keeps asking when you are coming over. She would only be disappointed that she is not cooking for you.”

The other laughed shyly. The idea that Jonghyun’s mother was worried about him made him feel warm. It was really something to have a mother’s love.

“Thank you,” he whispered only now thinking that he might indulge. Jonghyun’s puppy eyes were too strong and the hand that had slid over to his thigh was making him weak.

“Come, let’s get you settled then,” Jonghyun’s voice was now soft and deep, impossible not to follow orders from. The blond even held out his hand so that the other could get up easily. And to make it all more confusing when Jonghyun held it for too long —after someone had given them a strange look.

The rest of the walk was silent, it was not too far after all and when they got to the front door. Jonghyun told him that he needed to text his sister if she had taken Roo out for her walk yet.

“If it she has not, I will do so. I’ll take her with me. We can have a walk and she doesn’t mind sleeping in the studio a bit.”  
They entered the house, of course being greeted by a wagging tail. Key bend down to give her the attention she wanted. Her wet tongue kissing his fingers as he offered her his hand.

~`~

“Here are some clothes, you know where the bathroom is? Take a long nice bath. No one will be here.” Jonghyun was talking fast not wanting that Key could find a moment to hesitate. The elder should slowly be going now. but he was so focussed on getting everything ready and comfortable that there was not enough time.

Strangely, Key felt very calm. He only nodded and noting where everything was what he needed. He also petted Roo when Jonghyun put her on her leash. He followed Jonghyun to the door when he got ready to head out again.

“Rest well, and don’t go to bed too late. I will be home around 2:30. Don’t wait up,” Jonghyun’s voice was soft and he touched Key's shoulder giving it a squeeze before opening the door.

The door fell shut and Key was in a strange house. He took his long bath like Jonghyun had advised him too, and since he knew that Jonghyun would be upset if he had not done that. Not until he stepped out of the bathroom did he finally felt calmness break him.  
He sniffed, listening if there was someone. But there was only the ticking of a clock somewhere in the house. Was this what alone was? He had forgotten it. Getting so used to the background sound from someone speaking in another room of some music from outside. Now his only noise was time.

He next bit his lip, hurrying upstairs as if he would be scolded if he stayed there. He could calm his heart when he finally entered Jonghyun’s room, there in the dark room that strangely gave him peace. Maybe it was the scented candles there, none of them were lit yet their smell was sweet mixing well with the sent Jonghyun had left there.

Key closed his eyes before looking around again. Had something changed since the last time he was there? He couldn’t find anything new that he didn’t remember but surely the papers on the small desk were different, the books on the ground had changed order, the clothes on the chair were different.

Funny how it all was the same. Key didn’t feel like disturbing the room. He didn’t want to look for Jonghyun’s secrets. He wanted Jonghyun to keep him welcome, treasured that. So, when he found a piece of paper he picked it up, noticing that it was a piece ripped from a note pad or something, a single line writing in messy handwriting.

‘A flower that turns transparent in the rain.’

Key let his eyes read it over, briefly thinking if he knew the name of the plant Jonghyun was trying to remember. Or maybe it was a feeling that the elder was trying to get across. It was clear to Key that that too he didn’t want to guess. He didn’t want to read into Jonghyun’s feelings —to taint them with his own ideas.

Jonghyun was complex. His work could easily be misunderstood Key didn’t want to be that fool. Not when Jonghyun trusted him to be there on his side. He therefore put the paper back on the table so that Jonghyun could continue his thoughts. Only hoping that one day that poem would be heard by the blue night’s listeners.

Key laid down in bed, sighing at the softness. Jonghyun’s sheets were black with an accent of dark grey. It fitted so well that to Jonghyun, the dark contrasting against the warm nature of the blanket. This was safe, he could feel himself start to feel heavy.

He must be tired, or the scent that was so strongly Jonghyun, comforting him. This was like the hug they had shared, but Key this time was not nervous, he didn’t feel that shame that he was so used too. Maybe he even smiled at the memory of Minho telling him that Jonghyun liked him back, would kiss him even.

In this bed, he would let himself dream it.


	11. Step 11. Get drunk with him alone

Key didn’t really wake up, but he did stir when something jumped on him. It was not heavy or big, yet it startled him to look around himself. There was a sniffing sound and small movements getting closer to his face.

It only took a second before Key realised it was Roo that was as confused as him. It must not be common for her to share her bed with someone other than Jonghyun. Still, she didn’t seem to complain after he had paid his due with a scratch behind her ear.

If she was here than Jonghyun was home too. Should he stay up? Go down and greet him? No, the bed was too warm, and he was too sleepy. He would wait here and close his eyes a moment longer.

He didn’t really mean to fall back asleep. But Jonghyun had been so silent. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could feel his body being moved a bit. Was he in the way? But he really didn’t have the energy to turn. Not when he was pulled closer to Jonghyun's weight.

That was how gravity worked. It was not Key’s fault to snuggle closer to the warmth and the centre of the bed where their joined bodies dip in the mattress.

Key felt that breath of fresh air on his forehead. Jonghyun’s minty breath was deep when he sighed —tired like he too had fought a battle that day. He just wanted to be comfortable. And that his arm was in the way was not his fault. Key felt Jonghyun slide his arm under his neck.

It only caused Key to snuggle closer. Too sleepy to realise that it was not the most comfortable. Jonghyun’s arm was too hard and surely both would regret it in the morning. With both a stiff arm and neck.

The next thing he realised was light, nothing too bright but it did do the trick of guessing what time it was. Key closed his eyes again, he knew that he slept through the night. He felt that well rested feeling of a good night sleep, yet he was not yet ready to get up. Not in the warmth of the bed.

It was those small moments that made him selfish in the now, it was simple to forget anything. Jonghyun moved and Key froze. Was he waking up? Should he move away? Key did, too worried about Jonghyun’s comfort at this point. He shouldn’t be misusing Jonghyun as pillow anyways.

A deep sigh fell from the blond lips when the younger sat up a bit. Key looked at him, checking if he was really sleeping. The door of the bedroom was open for Roo to come in and out as she pleased, but also light intruded.

Jonghyun looked peaceful. Completely relaxed and breathing deeply, only the slightest sound. It was unfair how handsome he was. But he was not a beauty, his face had imperfections that made him so real. His nose was not high and didn’t sit straight on his face, it caused his nostrils to be different sizes. Jonghyun’s lips were too plum, as a man, he won’t be proud of that.

He had thin eyelashes and thick eyebrows. Maybe that was the feature that Key like the most. It was a shame that he often hid them. Now his hair was soft and parted, showing Key that indeed, Jonghyun had a strong bone structure in his forehead.

Funny. Jonghyun seemed to have very good skin, did he even have problems with acne or things like that. Even now nowhere there was a redness or irritation. He did have some facial hair, yet it was not anything to be proud of either. His moustache didn’t reach all over his upper lip. And even if he would let it grow, he wouldn’t be able to get a beard, only a little stubble on his chin.

Now, all Jonghyun had was a shadow of hair on the upper corners of his lip. Key never even thought about that. Often girls would complain about the prickling kisses they would get from their lovers in the morning. But now that he thought about it there was nothing sexier than Jonghyun rough sleepy voice and untamed hair. He would give anything to get good morning kisses, even if they hurt.

Key sighed, he should get up. It was not safe for him to stay in bed with such a defenceless Jonghyun sleeping there. He might just as well follow Roo downstairs and give her the cuddles that he wanted to give her master.

~~~

“Where did you go?” Minho asked him casually after a while. Key had got back to their shared room more than an hour ago and freshened up.

The taller had told this animated story about his last night where he went all the way to Gangnam and into a disco that was crazy. He was certain that he had too much to drink and he was certain that he had met the girl of his dreams there. So sad that she didn’t share the same thoughts and didn’t even give her phone number and Minho had been too gone to remember her name.

That sure as hell seemed to be a party and even if it had made a fond memory, Minho didn’t seem upset that he didn’t remember half of it.

“I came home at like 5 AM and I was worried that I would wake you up for a change, but you were not even there. Where did you sleep?” Minho asked again when he realised that Key was not really following the conversation.

“I stayed at Jonghyun’s. He asked me to sleep there and it was late, I didn’t feel like going home, he let me borrow his bath.” Key replied, almost bored. He didn’t expect that Minho would drop whatever he was doing and bang his hands on Key’s desk.

“You slept with Jonghyun?!” he gasped, clearly not understanding what Key had said.

“Slept as in sleeping, you pervert. No touching or dirty stuff like you did in the club.” Key rolled his eyes. And now only realising that he couldn’t lie to Minho. He could feel his cheeks heat up like god wanted to punish Key for his sins of lying to his friend.

“Nothing happened? Like you didn’t try?” Minho sighed, turning so that he could lean on Key’s desk instead. “Are you a saint? How do you do it? If a girl I liked asked me to stay the night I know what I would do.”

What was the best object to throw at Minho’s head without hurting him too much? Key didn’t really know, whatever it was he wanted to hit him with something. Maybe a notebook would do.

“That is creepy, and no, I’m not that desperate. Jonghyun would only be disgusted with me if I pulled something like that. Plus, this is the second time that I stayed over. He has a big bed and lets his dog sleep on the foot end.” Key said as if the addition of the puppy detail made it impossible for them to do anything naughty.

Minho shook his head. “He lets you sleep in the same bed, and you do nothing. It is like Jonghyun is waiting for you to give him the green light. You know he is not going to spell it out for you.”

“Shut up. I won’t do anything. For the last time, I just want to stay friends with him. I’m not ready for all this drama.” Key hissed at the taller, poking him with his pen to get him off his desk. He really needed to get some work done and he was over this conversation.

“You are a terrible liar.” Minho snapped back but got the point and pushed off the table to get back into the corner that he belonged.  
Still, Key’s concentration was gone. He closed his books and gathered his things. Maybe the library was a better place to study. He checked his phone if it was fully charged by now and was not surprised when he saw that Jonghyun had left him a message.

“Working?” The text was just a way for Jonghyun to get the attention he wanted. Somehow now Key didn’t want to answer. Of course, he was working. Still, he picked up his phone. He would send an emoji just so that Jonghyun couldn’t complain that he was ignored later.

But his concentration was hopeless. He needed a break for a moment, a moment to recharge. A smile formed when he just knew the thing to do. He scrolled through his phone and clicked a contact before he got up.

“Kibum-ah,”

“Halmeoni, I miss you.”

~~~

“This weekend I will go home. I won’t be around.” Key confessed on Wednesday when he was on the phone with Jonghyun. He had not told his hyung his plans before but now, just after he had reserved the tickets it was almost rude not to tell him.

“Did something happen?” Jonghyun was immediately worried and Key could understand. It was a bit sudden and he had not expressed anything like he missed his home city at all.

“No,” he said truthfully. “But I was talking to my grandmother a couple of days ago and then I just wanted to go. I have not seen her in four months, and she misses me. So, I thought it would be nice to surprise her.” He continued. It was not a lie, but still, it was not the full truth either.

He didn’t feel guilty. It was only normal to want to go home once in a while and even if Jonghyun would ask for more reasons he didn’t have to give it to him. Key was biting his lip only now realising that his thoughts were silly. Jonghyun was not looking to control Key’s life or that he was demanding to be in every part of it. Jonghyun only had an intersest in his wel being.

“Good, that is good that you are going home. I was kind of wondering why you didn’t. Maybe you were avoiding someone.” Jonghyun was wondering aloud and Key liked that he was allowed to listen to it. He relaxed and fell back into the desk chair he was working on.

“No, I just thought Seoul was too interesting, so I stayed. Now that it is getting colder, I miss my grandmother’s white broth soup.” Key giggled. Jonghyun shouldn’t think so far about all these things. And now that he heard a husky chuckle on the other side, he knew that the elder realised it too.

“Alright. But the week after we are going to eat something really good, okay?” Jonghyun demanded that it didn’t even come to a surprise to Key. He must be used to it by now.

~~~

“What did you plan to get me?” Key asked him a week later. He didn’t really get to see Jonghyun for more than usual and that showed. Jonghyun hooked his arm into Key’s when they met that evening again. They had texted, called even once during the week. But somehow, they had been unlucky and did not see each other on campus.

Now Jonghyun didn’t want to lose any chance not to touch Key. Instead of telling him where they were going, the elder was pulling the younger alone by his arm steering him around the place while distracting Key with questions about his home town.

“Hyung, I said I was hungry, where are we going?” Key asked again, this time getting a bit annoyed. He didn’t really mind Jonghyun being all touchy-feely, especially now that it had gotten so cold that they needed padded coats to keep warm.

Jonghyun too had given up on his leather and instead looked like a black marshmallow. Letting his breath out in a puff of warm air. “We are getting meat, lamb. I found this grill place that I thought was cool. It's not far.”

‘not far’ Key rolled his eyes because they were already far from home. But Jonghyun did tell him the truth since they did get in the warm restaurant not much later. And of course, it was something new tand stylish. Key opened his coat while looking around.  
Well, it was not really that special. Nothing really stood out in the end and Key’s eyes fell back to Jonghyun’s that were looking at him expectantly. “I hope the food is good.”

Key smiled and let Jonghyun order only frowning when he ordered two bottles of soju. That was a bit much to start off with, still, maybe Jonghyun wanted to celebrate their reunion. It was harmless enough.

It was not though. The food arrived and the soju was already running low. Key tried to slow down, he was drinking on an empty stomach and he knew how dangerous that was. Still, five shots down they only had two more to go before they ran dry.

Jonghyun knew that, nit picking at his food while Key accually enjoyed it. The elder ordered two more before the server could get away. She bowed, not seeing the problem with it all.

“Hyung you are acting weird.” Key pointed out, more so scolding him. but Jonghyun didn’t mind it. He placed some new meat scorers on to the coals for Key to enjoy. Taking another gulp of the clear drink, Key didn’t join him this time.

“I’m not acting weird, I have a plan.” The elder said as he finished the first bottle into his class, looking at Key’s and frowning at it as if it needed to pay for not being empty.

“Oh? And that is?” Key said taking the glass and only sipping at it so that Jonghyun couldn’t refill it.

“We are getting drunk,” The elder stated as if it was already a fact. Turning the new bottle of soju around and giving it a swirl before cracking it open.

“Why?” Key asked, with a raised eyebrow. They often got tipsy but that was never part of the plan. And with the things Onew had told him this might not be the best idea.

“My sister got a boyfriend,” Jonghyun confessed before the younger could think to change his mind.

“Congratra-”

“We are not celebrating, we are mourning.”

There was a moment of silence and then Key brought his eyebrow up. Jonghyun had never been that odd. What had gotten into him? He was so agitated like he was about to do something illegal. He was not planning to murder the poor lucky man?

“Why?” Key finally asked. Slowly and lowly like he wanted to tell Jonghyun to think about it once over again.

Jonghyun sighed and shot back a glass. “I hate it. It is all too easy. It is unfair. I don’t understand it.”

Key sat there again not really sure what to say. There was something really complicated in it. Why did Jonghyun hate it?

“Are you jealous?” Key said, again too slowly. He felt like he was walking on thin ice. Maybe this would give him the answer he was wondering about. Why was Jonghyun so against relationships.

“No, not jealous. I’m annoyed. I hate that it is so easy. I'm worried.” Jonghyun huffed telling what Key knew was the truth.

“You’re scared she gets hurt?” Key asked more, no shame in prodding Jonghyun more. It seemed that the elder needed to get it out and that he had been waiting for someone to pull at it. The blond instead took another shot. Jonghyun didn’t answer.

“Why are you obsessed with being solo?” Key next asked getting a bit annoyed. Maybe if he was straight forward, he, after all, knew Jonghyun well enough to know that it was about him.

Again, Jonghyun brought the glass to his lips but hesitated a second before throwing that back too. “I want to do something stupid,” he ignored to question, and Key rolled his eyes taking the meat off the grill before they burned.

“Sure, drink yourself stupid then.” Key fingered the glass that he had not touched in a while. Jonghyun had poured it for him but he didn’t drink it. He was not in the mood. He was too worried, it didn’t sit well in the pit of his stomach.

“Have you never wanted to be a rebel? Do something people disagree with or something that you should not do?” Jonghyun tried so hard to change the subject that Key followed it.

“I have wanted but I’m not a hero. Instead, I learn to make my peace with it.”

Jonghyun hit his fist of the table making the dishes clutter and some people turned around to stare at him.

“Hyung, calm down.” Key hissed. Maybe it was time to go, they were not going to eat anything anymore. He really didn’t want to cause a scene either. “Don’t you need to do blue night? It is getting close to 11.”

Jonghyun looked up and blinked. Right, blue night. He nodded and looked a bit soberer then. “Let’s go to the studio.”

Key nodded and followed, letting Jonghyun pay with his credit card and linking arms to make him more stable. They had a bit of a walk and he hoped that the elder would sober up a bit. He was not going to do the show with slurry speech, right?

Maybe Jonghyun was thinking the same thing, but Key didn’t really want a piece of his mind. He let the other in peace to figure out the way since he had no idea where he was. Slowly they got to places that Key started to recognised and he started to pull Jonghyun to walk faster.

“You have less than ten minutes,” Key hissed when Jonghyun felt through his pockets for his phone. Where did he have it? He opened his bag and started to pull things out. Key’s eyes widening when he realised that Jonghyun had been caring at least three more bottles of soju in his bag before he found his phone.

They were inside the studio with all the tec starting up, Key was biting his lip, but Jonghyun was not worried. Somehow, he seemed more sober. Should Key get him a bottle of water just to be sure?

“Three, two one.” Jonghyun counted out loud while Key stood up to see if they had any behind the counter. “It is finished uploading.”

“What?” Key asked, there was no show tonight? Jonghyun reached to a green bottle instead of the water Key had just found.

“I made it this afternoon. I got a bit pissed about it too. It’s all about relationships.” Jonghyun explained and Key started to piece together the pieces.

“Still, now you have done that why don’t you forget it for a moment?” Key tried and realised that as soon as the words left his lips it was what Jonghyun hated.

“I can’t. When things bother me, I let them mould and fold into my mind. I need something to distract me. Something stupid.”

“So, you called me to keep your hair out of your eyes when you puke out your guts?” Key was now sarcastic, and Jonghyun glared at him.

“Will you shut up and drink? I need you off my back.” Jonghyun hissed, opening a bottle of soju and drink in from it before he offered it to Key.

“No cups?” The younger asked but still taking the drink.

“There is nothing fancy about getting shit faced. And it is not like we never share anything.” Jonghyun said before pushing them through the studio and sitting down at one of the booths. He sighed and Key softened his eyes. Maybe it was time to be there for Jonghyun.

“Hyung, I’m worried about you. You know that I’m here for if there is something that bothers you, right?” Key sat down next to Jonghyun and placed his hand on the elder’s thigh.

Jonghyun smiled looking up to Key before he pinched his cheek. “I’m lucky to have you. I think that being apart from you really bothered me. I felt a bit lonely, just because I knew that you were so far away.”

“I have been away for five days and we kept texting. Why didn’t you call Onew or someone?” Key asked Jonghyun couldn’t be that dramatic, right? But it did make Key feel warm somewhere and a blush burning up that he wanted to hide behind the excuse of alcohol. He took a large swig of soju, coughing when he went a little overboard. This was not a shot glass but a bottle, there was a lot more in there.

Jonghyun chuckled, helping Key clean up the mess the ran down his chin. Too late again, the younger realised that the blond had him in his hands. Key stayed still, not really knowing what else to do but Jonghyun continued to talk like there was nothing strange.

“I didn’t want to see Onew. He would just try to fix me. He would not understand.” Jonghyun sighed again but then smiled when he realised that Key was paying attention to him. “I’m a rebel. I don’t want to take any advice from someone in a relationship on the rocks.”

Key frowned. Jonghyun was hinting that whatever was bothering him was some kind of relationship, or love. But Key didn’t really figure it out. Was he just a loner in Jonghyun’s eyes? Was that why he was drawn to him. Two loners would be less lonely.

“That is why I like you,” Jonghyun said and it was so perfect with Key’s train of thought that it freaked him out. Did the elder just read his mind? Don’t be stupid.

“You are not drunk enough to say that.” Key huffed, trying so hard to make light of the situation.

“Well then,” Jonghyun countered taking the bottle back and bringing it to his lips. “I will have to change that.” He threw his head back and Key’s eyes widened when he realised that Jonghyun was gulping down the strong drink.

Without thinking Key hit the bottle out from Jonghyun's hand. Making a mess on Jonghyun's face and chest but that was not something he cared about.

“Are you mad? What are you doing?” Key yelled. Even if Jonghyun was his hyung and he should be respectful his hand formed a fist and he hit him, on the chest. Not hard but Jonghyun was shocked that Key laid a finger on him like that. As if he now realised the burn, he started the cough, as any normal person would after downing that.

“Jonghyun!” Key was hissing now. but the elder didn’t pay him any attention when he curled his own hand to cough into. Shaking his other had so that Key knew that he had to wait, that there was something wrong.

“Oh god, you are not going to be sick?” Key’s anger seemed to melt into concern but Jonghyun didn’t answer. He needed a moment before he could lift his head and take a deep breath.

The danger now passed he looked sadly to the soju bottle on the ground and the spilt drink. He was in trouble. Key would not let him get up to grab another one, would he? He was already worried to be scolded like a little child.

But when he met Key’s eyes his annoyance melted. Key touched his cheek this time, probably to wipe off some wetness but what caught Jonghyun’s attention was the worry in the younger’s eyes. That was real, innocent and sweet. Jonghyun didn’t move away, he didn’t feel the discomfort of his wet clothes. He wanted to lean into the touch, he was finally starting to feel dizzy.

“Don’t do something so stupid.” Key’s voice was so soft, worried and trembling like Jonghyun had been in real danger. Did he scare the younger? That was not Jonghyun’s intention. But with a reaction like that Jonghyun wanted to do it again. Key was leaning into him, looking at every detail of Jonghyun’s expression as if he was trying to understand his reasons.

Key moved one arm over Jonghyun’s shoulder and had forgotten that his hand was still resting on Jonghyun’s cheek. But that didn’t matter when Jonghyun’s vision was swimming. Maybe the younger was too close to him since he could see two of them.

“Stupid?” the blond muttered? Jonghyun placed his hands on Key’s thigh, just trying to get his balance back, his grip on reality. He was going to do something stupid again.

“Hyung?” Key only had to whisper, Jonghyun was so close now that he was scared that he was going to faint on him. The elder’s lips were parted and wet, his eyes slowly closing —and he was falling.

Lips touched him, Key gasped wanting to pull back. Jonghyun was accidentally kissing him, it must be a mistake. This was not right. But Key couldn’t move away. Not because he froze but because of the hand that slid over his body. The tight warm grip curling over his lower back, the pull on his shoulder.

Jonghyun had strength, and he used it. Pulling him closer and to the younger surprise into him. It was not Key’s mistake that he opened his lips.

"Oh,"

It was Jonghyun’s mistake that he tasted like alcohol, tobacco and everything Key wanted.


	12. Step 12. Oh, fuck

Key couldn’t pull away. He didn’t have the mind to nor the strength. Jonghyun’s grip was tight, his hand on the younger’s hip not only pulling him closer but forcing Key to obey. There was not a nerve in Key’s body that dared to challenge Jonghyun’s actions.

Jonghyun was forcing himself on him; strange because he had pulled Key on top of his hips. Yet there was this pull his lips made, a force that they could not separate. Maybe if Key really wanted to fight against it, maybe if he knew that this was all wrong. Maybe if he was a coward, he would pull away from Jonghyun’s lips.

But he wouldn’t. No, now he was selfish, hungry even when he fisted Jonghyun’s blond mane in his hand; Trying to hurt Jonghyun in all the frustrations he had caused him. It only proved to excite the elder more. His hand moving where it really should not be.

This was not friendship anymore. If Jonghyun’s hand moved lower, just a centimetre lower, Jonghyun would not be able to joke away his reasons. Then his interactions would be crystal clear.

Jonghyun shamelessly groped Key’s buttock. Key moaned, his body moving closer not realising what that would mean. Body to body, this was not a freak accident anymore. There was not one to blame, they were both guilty.

Their lips had not even stop pressing against each other all this time. Only small puffs of air freed their mouths only to close around each other. Minutes, Key didn’t really know how long they were kissing about this point. It was long enough to figure out that this was a very big deal.

“Jonghyun?” His voice was soft, innocent even. And in such contrast to the things they were doing. Their foreheads were pressed together, Key shamelessly sitting on Jonghyun’s lap with no recollection of how he got there.

Their breath was laboured and Jonghyun’s eyes were closed not even opening when the younger called his name so sweetly.

“Are you drunk?” There was a tremor in Key’s voice as if he was scared. He had every right, this could be a mistake, a dream that Minho would wake him up from.

“Yeah. I have to be, to be this honest.” Jonghyun said as if he just realised what he had done. Key could feel his heart drop and he got up. Maybe it was time to go.

“Come with me,” Jonghyun said quickly and grabbed Key’s wrist as if he was scared that he was going to run away.

Key had half the mind to do so. But the grip was too tight and Jonghyun took him back of the studio just so that he could turn off the lights. The elder was still in the right mind to do that, he was not unreasonable. But Key was not reasonable enough to argue his case. Instead, he was too shy to ask where they were going.

Even outside Jonghyun didn’t let go. He only let his hand slid down so that they were holding hands and ignoring the stares that were thrown their way. The streets were full after all. But they were too full, in a way. The people were people they didn’t know and would never see again. Key didn’t really bother looking them in the eye. His eyes were trained on the back of a blond mob that was messier than usual. He could feel a blush creep up when he realised that it was his doing. That distracted his mind enough to not realise where they were going.

There were too many coloured lights here, it was all on a black background. Also, it was all too quick for Key to read in what part of town there were. And he didn’t really care at this point. Only when he was almost hit in the face with something.

“Ah, hyung?” Key whimpered, but realised that nothing had happened, and they were now in a garage, where were they? Jonghyun didn’t check on him until they got to the building and through the door into a dark lobby.

“You okay?” He asked, a little out of breath. Key nodded, whatever it was, he avoided it at the last moment.

Jonghyun nodded before he turned and bend down a little too confused Key even more.

“The night,” the blond said and Key realised that there was a lady sitting behind a screen well hidden. The dark place, the uninviting garage should all have been hints.

Jonghyun did the exchange of money and got a little bag and instructions. And before Key knew it, he was again pulled to an elevator this time. He didn’t feel drunk anymore. And now he thought that Jonghyun couldn’t possibly be either. His movements were shaking, nervous but calculated.

Key figured it was best not to speak. He didn’t know what to say after all, Jonghyun owned him the explanation. But Jonghyun had nothing for him, no words at all. And when they found their room for the night. Jonghyun pulled him closer before they could take off their shoes.

Key didn’t have a reason to complain when his hands found Jonghyun’s chest and he didn’t have the power to push him away. His knees even betrayed him, buckling when Jonghyun kissed him again, this time hard and unforgiving —not leaving room for questions.

This is what Jonghyun wanted. His arms around Key’s narrow waist, the weight he had forcing Key back into the wall. It was like their lips had missed each other. That moment that they had been apart had been too hard on them.

After all, they didn’t really know what to say, and kissing didn’t seem to be a problem at all. Only until them standing was deemed not so handy. Jonghyun pulled back a bit shyly and took off his bag and jacket. They were going to stay the night, right?

Why would they stay in the entrance hall? Key got the hint and also took off his shoes so that he could put his jacket on the only chair there was. It was a bit too warm in the room so he took off his jumper too.

The room darkened when the automatic light of the entrance switched itself off. Still, it was not completely dark. The room lighted only by a chemical red light that shone from under the bed in an attempt to be stylish, but it only played on Key’s nerves.

He turned around again, not sure if he wanted to get on the bed now. He was scared that it was all a bad idea again. Maybe too fast, that Jonghyun was doing this for different feelings than him.

But he could do nothing when Jonghyun embraced him, his head buried into Key’s shoulder. “Don’t go,”

All of the muscles in his body relaxed —just as if he was put under a spell. Jonghyun’s words cut deep. He was scared, maybe as scared as Key was himself. Then why were they doing this?

When their eyes met in the dark and only a glint was seen, Key knew that he couldn’t say anything. He had nothing to say but so many things to show.

He lowered himself, guessing and guessing right that the bed was there. He pulled Jonghyun by his hand, shyly. His first sign to him that he was okay with it all. Jonghyun’s knees hit the bed and he walked on them forcing Key to lay down.

They were not going to talk about it. Their lips were too busy. They were kissing again, and now that Key knew that this was not going to be the last time, he tried to at least enjoy it.

The only thing was that Jonghyun didn’t seem to be such a good kisser. Maybe he just didn’t do it enough or maybe he was too nervous, but Key took his face in his hands pulled away just a second so that he could start a new kiss.

A sweet one, soft and slow. One that he controlled and Jonghyun followed. Finally, one where tongues would meet. Shyly, not hungry at all, sweet like lovers did. Key moaned finally excited more than scared.

This started to feel good, and his thought were pushed away when Jonghyun lowered his body onto of the younger’s. The elder sighed as if he could relax now too. They were on the same page. It was just best to leave the words and questions for another time when they were done being stupid fools. Key just didn’t want to stop the hand that was travelling up his sides, pushing his shirt up for the next time Jonghyun’s hands would come back to touch his skin.

He would have thought that he would be shy, even if it was something that he had done before. This was now with someone he really liked. He didn’t feel shy; he was excited with the thrill. Maybe he had already turned completely mad. But he felt desired.

Perhaps it was the way Jonghyun’s fingers felt electric on his skin. His fingertips gently exploring the ticklish paleness that made Key weak. Was there still a hint of shyness in Jonghyun’s action? Something sweet and innocent that simply would not do.

Key’s fingers went on their own path, grabbing and pulling the elder’s shirt up so that he could do nothing but break their kiss to escape the torture Key put his cotton through.

He was sitting on his knees again his hair a mess and now that Key was used to the dark, he was surprised how much he could see.

He was in trouble. Jonghyun’s skin was tight over his tensed muscles. Key sat up enough so that he could touch, there, where four muscles met, disappearing every time Jonghyun breathed in. Just with the tips of his fingers, lowering over just before his bellybutton.

Jonghyun’s jeans were low on his hips. The waistband of his underwear playing peak-a-boo on the left side. Jonghyun’s hands made a fast job of the buckle of his belt. Pulling the leather out with figure eager, and letting it fall with a clatter on the ground.

Key swallowed, realising that he was in danger. But most of all in awe to the sear sex-appeal. Jonghyun had done that so easily, he must be sure that his body was something to be admired. He was daring Key to touch him. And it was not like Key was going to play a game with him. He lifted his fingers again.

The movement of breathing was motivating his fingers to go up, finally onto the elder’s chest, his palm laying flat now where Jonghyun’s heart beat. It was fast, nervous or excited Key didn’t know.

A hand took his wrist though and he could only meet Jonghyun’s eye before he was pushed down again. Lips kissed him and he could not move away. Jonghyun's other hand moved up Key’s side, moving the shirt up, up until a thumb met a nipple.

Key gasped, not excepting the boldness of the other’s action, turning his head out of reflex but Jonghyun didn’t mourn the broken kiss. His lips travelled Key’s cheek over his jaw and there where his neck was soft.

“Oh,” Key moan softly. He didn’t expect Jonghyun to move so quickly. Yet he could not bring himself to warn the elder. He found himself relaxing in to the soft bed and closing his eyes. He wanted to know where Jonghyun would go next.

It was not for long, at least not for a while. Key’s neck was long and elegant, Jonghyun wanted to admire it. Kissing or tasting it, Jonghyun relaxed as he breathed in deeply. Key smelled so good, strangely sweet and eatable. Jonghyun bared his teeth, taking a little bite and the muscle that the younger showed off.

A hand grasped at Jonghyun's bicep but nothing else. Like Key didn’t want to give too much away, pressing down his noises and but not moving away. Jonghyun could not get more skin though, Key’s shirt was in the way but somehow it didn’t bother him, because his hands were free to touch his chest. Still, he was holding one of Key’s hand against the mattress so that he could not get away.

Jonghyun didn’t hesitate to go down to the other's chest. It didn’t seem that he missed breasts. Still he didn’t ignore that Key was sensitive there. He pressed kisses on the flat of the younger’s chest, that was a little too sweet and soft.

It was giving Key so much more pleasure. He felt safe, like this was a good idea after all. He was being taken care of. It was not that Jonghyun was seeking his own selfish pleasure, he didn’t want to get it over with. The kisses were so precise that Key had to wonder how drunk Jonghyun really was.

Key felt completely sober; he could feel every touch. How Jonghyun didn’t shy away from touching his nipple with his finger, circling the nob with the tip of his digit. His lips pressed in the dip in the middle of his chest. Slow going down, down.

Key shivered but then sigh, his body opening to Jonghyun to play with. His knees falling apart even more, hips turning up and his member now swelling in his pants. He couldn’t help it, now that his nerves melted away with every kiss southwards.

The hand that had been holding him down now let him go. Jonghyun used it instead to climb down a little more on the bed so that he could easily reach the waist band. That was something that made Key crush down to reality.

“You don’t have to,” Key whispered. His hand reaching to the button of his pants. He really didn’t want Jonghyun to push himself more.

“I want to,” Jonghyun’s voice was low, determent and didn’t leave any space for arguing. Only if Key was not hard headed. Of course, the younger had to ruin it.

“No,” Key sat back up moving a bit away from Jonghyun’s touch. He didn’t want Jonghyun to do anything he would regret. He was not a woman. He was his best friend. Had Jonghyun realised that?

He had. It was written in the eyes he gave Key now. The sadness, his loneliness. Jonghyun was scared, and it was not fair that Key kept stopping him. He didn’t want to listen to the voice of reason. Jonghyun was passion, his skin was burning. He would fight Key if he needed to.

“Trust me,”

Why didn’t Key believe him now? Why could he not turn off his worried mind and enjoy the night? The thing was that Key didn’t want the night. He was here with Jonghyun on his hands and knees, begging him. And he still could not tell Jonghyun what he really wanted. He could not confess.

The only thing he did was nod and Jonghyun saw that as his green light. The tanned broad body lowering so that he could hug Key's slim middle making escaping impossible. It was easy now, all the elder had to do was blow Key’s mind. Make him feel save and cared for; Take all these worries away.

So, Key closed his eyes letting Jonghyun underdress him to his boxers, now a bit ashamed of what the nerves had done to his excitement, he was not hard anymore even if Jonghyun had touched him. Key opened his eyes to see what Jonghyun was doing next, what his reaction was at is failed attempt.

The elder didn’t seem worried, it was only a bit unfair that Key was the only one nearly naked, Jonghyun could understand why he would be nervous. So before continuing he worked at his own clothes; At least the little that he still had on.

And then there he sat on his knees, naked and bare in front of Key, showing off everything he was. Taking his erection into his own hand and slowly giving it a stroke so that Key could see that Jonghyun was ready.

Without thinking Key was sitting up again, his lips dry and his breath stolen for a second. He wanted to feel it too. “Let me,” he whispered, already touching Jonghyun before the elder could give his blessing.

But it was not his hands that were going to touch. Key’s mouth was open, and he had turn to be on his hands and knees, his breath was hot on Jonghyun's member. He wanted to know that it tasted like. Would it be so sweet as Jonghyun’s lips?

Key took the crown, sucking at once as if it would give him more flavour. Jonghyun had to moan. It was not common that someone had jumped him with such eagerness. He was used to doing all the work but Key, he wouldn’t mind doing anything for him. 

If that was sitting still and enjoying the way Key was lapping up the underside of his penis than that was the thing he would do. Even if it was getting harder and harder to stay put when Key sank in deeper. The younger was pulling his head back just to open his mouth and sink in again. He was not getting enough; he was getting sloppy even.

Key relaxed his throat so that he could nuzzle in Jonghyun’s private hair without giving up his treat. It made Jonghyun startle and stumble. Never in his life had he had someone do that. He was moaning, his eyes closed because he could not bare it to watch Key giving him head.

If only he had that much will-power not to peek. Yet this was the stuff made of fantasy and he was letting go of a good chance. He regretted it at once though, once he peeked on the view; biting his lip and taking a shaky breath. He had not noticed that Key was touching himself.

Key had automatically started to do that, his arm was bend backwards touching his entrance rather than his erection. It was a bit of a reflex of the younger or a need, but last time he masturbated he didn’t get the satisfaction from there so it was only fair to do so now. But Jonghyun didn’t know that detail.

Though it was not really working, his fingers were dry, and his mouth was busy. He could not push in like he liked too. It was making him frustrated at this point. His eyes tearing and a whimper travelling to make Jonghyun moan.

“Wait, Key-ah,” Jonghyun said breathlessly. He needed the younger to stop or this would not last. And he was glad that the other did stop. Though Key let his mouth hang open when he let go of the penis, a trail of saliva falling onto the bed. Now that was not pretty, it was downright erotic, panting a little.

Jonghyun coughed before he remembered what he needed. He reached out the little bag he had gotten by the check-in and took out a little bottle. Key’s eyes lit up when he knew that it was. Thank god, lube Jonghyun could only crack open the seal before Key held out his hands.

“Please?”

What happened? How was Key now so eager? It was adorable, even though, Jonghyun knew he was a pervert for thinking that. The younger must be blushing, but Jonghyun didn’t see it, it was too dark. He let Key have the lube while he moved to find a light on the bed side or something.

He found it, a little lamp that he switched on before he was pushed back to lay on the bed. He didn’t mind it. The positions had turned, now that he was almost laying down and Key was sitting between his legs.

It was better now what he could see in colour rather than a silhouette. And he regretted it that he didn’t do that sooner. Key didn’t bother with wasting time or being shy, he dove down probably worried that Jonghyun’s member had gotten cold.

Jonghyun shivered when Key took him back into his mouth. This was doing wonders that the elder let him. Maybe he had become a selfish man, wanting pleasure more than anything. Only to realise that Key was moaning, a bit distracted with what he was doing behind.

If only Jonghyun could see that. But in a way, he was glad that he couldn’t. He wanted to keep himself in check for now, it was after all their first time together. He would just imagine it and be happy with the head slowly bopping up and down between his thighs.

It would not stay like that though, he knew that. And a couple of minutes went by. Or at least he thought so before Key sat back again. “just a second,” he whispered. His voice breathless and lips glinting. Key was not looking at him, his eye lashes were fluttering, and his blush was so deep that it had spread to his ears and down his chest where just the tiniest tint was seen. Key was playing deep inside of himself.

He was in danger, Jonghyun was. Could not take his eyes off the other yet he was not only feeling hot due to pleasure. There was still this part of him that called it all adorable.

Key was showing off his chest, those cute pink nipples while his shoulders were rolled back. His one hand holding his balance and the other one playing behind. Jonghyun could barely stay still and watch. Finally, he moved forward, his lips back on Keys chest. His hands pulling Key close and up so that Jonghyun could taste some more of sweet skin.

Though Key was whimpering. He had no way to fight his pleasure. He was slowly pumping two fingers into himself. Too shy to make Jonghyun do such a thing. But he didn’t mind the elder finding a patch of skin to claim for himself. Jonghyun left his mark on him, making it impossible to deny this tomorrow. Yet that thought did not register in the younger's mind.

Not while Jonghyun’s hand moved over his hips and took hands full of his buttock. Jonghyun spread him apart, only to make it easier for Key's fingers to go deeper. Key let out a little cry, feeling too hot now and his eyes teary.

Key’s free hand grasped into Jonghyun’s mess of a mane. And oh, Jonghyun was started to be a bit too excited. Even if he could not see anything, his fingers touched Key's. He wanted to know how deep Key was, and maybe push him a little bit further.

That idea of doing it all himself went flying when Jonghyun’s fingers joined. It seemed that shyness was pushed away by arousal and Key was losing the will to deny Jonghyun anything.

So Jonghyun’s finger wondered, carefully moving in and out before realising that Key would not get pleasure from something so simple. Maybe two? Jonghyun moved quicker and was met with a little grumble of frustration.

“Am I hurting you?” He asked but Key shook his head where he had hidden it in Jonghyun’s shoulder.

“Sit back,” The younger whispered and he pushed Jonghyun away so that he did that.

He let himself fall against the headrest, conveniently padded, maybe for that reason. Key leaned over, looking what the bag they had gotten by the check in had gotten them. Only taking a foiled package with him and the little lube bottle in his hand.

Then he moved back, settling just under Jonghyun’s hips with his. He had enough thought to make the other realise what would happen next. Jonghyun’s eyes grew and his hand flew to cup the younger’s cheek —he needed to check if it was all right.

Key didn’t say anything about it as he tore open the condom wrapper and pinched the tip. He rolled it on Jonghyun’s erection and made him hiss when he added cold lube over it all.

“Be careful,” Jonghyun whispered and Key blinked. It couldn’t be about the condom, that was already on. Was he talking about him? Should he be careful?

Key felt his heart flutter a bit. Even if the moment was a bit odd for now. He was going to be careful, now that he moved to hover over Jonghyun’s lap. He took Jonghyun’s member and aligned himself as Jonghyun held his thighs.

Slowly, sinking, stretching himself over the crown again. Key closed his eyes, sighed. Finally getting what he wanted. That feeling that he had been craving too long now.

Maybe it was a bit harder for Jonghyun, he had a tight grip in his hands, moving them up to curl around Key sharp hipbones. Not ready for that heat to surround him. He didn’t want to blow now —not too fast

Key hissed when he settled, his body relaxing when he could rest a little bit on his hips, all fulled up but Jonghyun had understood wrong. He sat up, pulling Key close and listening with his ear to the younger’s chest.

So close, just like lovers, Key’s fingers passed through Jonghyun's blonde mane, pulling his face up so that worried puppy eyes met his. He smiled leaning down to kiss Jonghyun’s guilt away.

Strangely, this kiss felt cool, compared to the heat of their bodies. Oddly it only made their kiss more frantic. Key moaned when Jonghyun’s hand ran down him back making his curve it.

He tightened around him, making it hard for Jonghyun not to lose his mind. He couldn’t hold it, the kiss. He moaned, lowing his head and letting it rest on Key’s collar bone. Only to give the word for the younger to start moving.

Slowly up, harder down. As if he wanted more inside. Again and again, Jonghyun could do nothing but groan, he was in trouble now. He didn’t want Key to have to do all the work, yet his body was weak with pleasure.

He only could press his lips against Key’s moving chest but even that started to be too sloppy. His hands somehow finding the strength support the younger’s slim hips again when the movement became more rhythmic. Jonghyun fell back on the pillowed only using his arms to help Key up.

The younger seemed to enjoy himself like that. He was blushing, panting while bouncing. He didn’t even feel discomfort anymore. Jonghyun slipped in and out easily now. Stretching him in the best ways. It was addictive, how every time he lowered down the pleasure grew.

He challenged his own power, opening his body until he would not have any control anymore. He was looking for that moment when Jonghyun had to take control over him. Or would the elder break before him?

Key opened his eyes, looking down how the golden light played on Jonghyun’s soft skin. He was tanned, rippeling muscles that Key could never have imagined in his wildest dreams. The body of a work of ancient art, something that should be studied. Key’s fingertips touching the other’s abdomen, noticing how Jonghyun had trouble breathing every time Key moved.

“Oh?” Key whispered, as if he only started to understand Jonghyun’s frustrations. What if he stayed put and only rolled his hips? The elder hissed at him, his hands tightening, nails pressing into his skin probably making little marks. Was it selfish that Key wanted more than the imprint of his nails?

Key’s finger took hold of Jonghyun’s hair and pulled a little too hard. It made the other gasp, lips apart and asking for it. Key kissed again but it could hardly be called that. It was all slopp, Key was not sitting still, and Jonghyun didn’t have his mind in the right place. Every roll of those damn hips.

It was getting the better from Key too, he was sweating, not satisfied with just teasing even if that was the only thing he was doing. There for it should not have been a surprise that Jonghyun had enough. He was after all the one with the plans. The elder finally found the will power to turn the tables.

Pushing Key up a little too much, Jonghyun used the youngers surprise to force him on his back. Once Key knew what Jonghyun was planning, he didn’t struggle. The younger relaxed and sighed, letting Jonghyun open his legs more and even pulling him closer.

The elder slid in easier in now that he had added a little bit of lube. He didn’t even bother with being sweet either but then again Key had also not been the nicest, he had been a little bit selfish in getting his own pleasure.

Jonghyun started with a simple thrust, maybe to see how it was like. And because the younger started to moan quietly he knew that it was alright.

Yet ‘alright’ was not enough. Not in a long run. Jonghyun moved closer, spreading Key’s legs so that it started to look a little painful. Yet the younger only moan louder, taking the sheets under him into his fists.

Jonghyun knew then that he was doing good. He took one of those long legs under his arm, thinking that it would be more comfortable. But Key didn’t want that, he moved his leg free and placed his foot against Jonghyun's shoulder.

It causes Key to bend more and Jonghyun to have more power into his thrust and he was going to use that. It started to be a power struggle again, and the movement was faster than ever. It was like Key was pushing him away even if he was grasping at the elder’s bicep.

Their bodies started to be sweaty at this point. And even if their feelings were tender toward each other, their frustrations were making them move into each other frantically. Jonghyun had closed his eyes when Key started to whimper his name.

He was so incredibly tight now. Jonghyun didn’t know what to do but give up to his own desire. He was not registering what was going on. He didn’t see how Key was thrashing about his head, tensing his muscles or rolling his eyes. He was too busy.

He was losing his own mind at that moment. He didn’t know how the orgasm that Key had, worked. How could he have known that it was so powerful. Something that moved and hit his own nerves in such a way. He had lost before he knew he had to fight it. The way that Key was pulsing out his seed was the way he was milking Jonghyun's own orgasm. It was all so unfair, it was all too fast. 

Key was still gasping when Jonghyun lowered himself. His wrists were complaining about holding too much pressure on the soft bed. He was spazzing in to the rubber what he really wanted to give Key in his naughty fantasies. Yet now this had to do.

He didn’t lower all his weight on Key though, he didn’t want to crush him, yet when his breath got more and more steady so did Jonghyun’s weight on him. It was like the elder wanted to melt into him. 

It was just too comfortable. Laying there warm and well satisfied. With the head in the foot end of the bed, Jonghyun could have slept there but Key moved under him. The younger wiggled, like he tried to get away. And a bit upsettingly Jonghyun let him go, groaning when his member slid out.

Yet that was it, now that Key could lower his legs and relax his back, he pulled Jonghyun back on top of him. Just like a blanket, he sighed at the warmth and closed his eyes.

Would it be alright to go to sleep? Or did they have to have the talk now? Jonghyun pulled back enough to see what Key was thinking if only he could read it from his face.

Somehow, he did. The younger’s face looked beautiful, relaxed and calm. There was still a blush on his cheeks and his lips wet and apart. Was a good night kiss acceptable? Or would that cause too many questions?

Jonghyun didn’t know what to do but look. He watched how slowly Key fell asleep with no worries. Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe Key was happy. He didn’t know, and even if he wished he did, his lips stayed sealed.


	13. Step 13 Give up and confess

“Key-ah,” the voice was soft and sweet and Key knew it well. Still, he didn’t want to answer it. He was so sleepy still. He body was heavy, and he just couldn’t bring his eyes to open. He brain was not even working properly.

“Key, we have to go soon. Don’t you want to shower?” Jonghyun said and Key realised that the other’s breath was fanning over his face. Was Jonghyun that close? Key turned his head, facing Jonghyun him giving him a sweet smile. “Good morning.”

His blond hair was damp, and he was wearing a black shirt. One that he was wearing yesterday too. Key frowned as if he wanted to disagree with Jonghyun on his ‘good morning’ but rather he was thinking about all the things that didn’t fit in his head.

Where were they? Why were they here? It seemed to be all a bit of a dream, but Key soon realised that it was not the case. Instead of freaking out though, he was surprisingly calm. Maybe it was because some part of him did not really believe it.

“Come on, Key, go take a shower. You’ll feel better after that,” Jonghyun said, reminding Key of what he should be doing. Should he be feeling bad? Key moved, trying to sit up before he knew that it would hurt him. Oh, that meant that without a doubt last night really happened. Key all of a sudden started to feel really shy.

“You okay?” Jonghyun asked he was sitting on the bed, a bunch of clothes in his lap. Key’s underwear neatly folded on top. The younger felt the heat of a blush on his cheeks. But still he nodded, and Jonghyun gave him his clothes before getting up. The elder busied himself with something unimportant and Key took the change to hurry to the bathroom.

Should he be upset that Jonghyun showered without him? Why was he so relaxed? Key turned on the water and waited until it was warm enough. This was strange. It was all so different than he thought it would be, but then again. What was he thinking would happen?

Would Jonghyun confess his love for him and the would walk hand in hand into the sunset? Key huffed, he was not that stupid.

Was Jonghyun trying to think of a way to tell Key that they could not be together? That it was all a mistake. The younger’s shoulders fell. Why did that seem so more likely? Maybe Key should beg him? Confess his feelings? Ask him to reconsider?

Or should he protect his heart and laugh it off? Would a night with Jonghyun be enough for him to heal a broken heart? No, that would kill him, he couldn’t be friends with Jonghyun like that. Key staggered, his knees buckling. Did he just lose his best friend?

“Key?”

The younger turned a bit shocked, did he not lock the door? Or did Love hotel not have those. But there was no one there. Jonghyun was talking to him from the other side of the door.

“Are you sure you are okay? Your back? Does it not hurt?” Jonghyun seemed really worried and Key bit his lip. Yes, he was sore, but there were more pressing matters. The throb in his chest was far more painful, the sting in his eyes.

“I can help,” Jonghyun continued, maybe Key had not heard him. Yet it only made Key panic, he was about to cry and it must be showing on his face. In a rush, Key turned off the water and grabbed a towel.

“No, really, I’m fine. I will just be a minute,” he rushed, he didn’t have time to cry over poorly planned actions, and the night that ruined his life. He didn’t want Jonghyun to leave him without a word. That would make it all too clear that it was all over. They just had to talk about it, was all.

“Alright. Are you hungry? I’m starving. Is there something you really want?” Jonghyun called out letting Key have another breath. Did that mean that he was not running away? Key thought this time for an answer to Jonghyun’s question.

“I don’t really know, I really feel like a stew, you know something traditional,” Key said, drying himself and hearing Jonghyun hum at the other side. The younger cleaned the mirror of the bathroom after he dressed. He wanted to check that he looked alright.

He looked terrible, but at this point what could he do? He was pale, too skinny, tired, the scares on his cheek and eyebrow an added imperfection. Was he always so self-conscious? He signed and turned.

He opened the door but almost got a heart attack when he saw Jonghyun sitting there on the phone. The blond looked up, his pretty puppy eyes closing almost fully when he giggled. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What are you doing there?” Key asked when he was over the first shook. With a bit of difficulty, Jonghyun got up again, his smile turning sheepish.

“I was looking for a place, and I wanted your opinion.” He said as if that was logical, sitting on the floor while there was a messy but comfortable bed not even two meters further.

“Well, did you find it?” Key asked, letting Jonghyun’s weird behaviour go so that he didn’t get any funny ideas like Jonghyun wanting to be close to him. That was just nonsense.

“I did, are you ready?” Jonghyun was really happy about it. So, they got their bags and left the room. Even though Key was a bit sad to see the door fall shut. There on the messy bed, he had Jonghyun.

It had felt so good, his hands, his kisses, his body. Now Key was cold even if Jonghyun stood a little too close to him in the elevator downward. There was no conversation between them. Key didn’t know where to start and well, he didn’t want to. Words were Jonghyun thing. He should not be the one starting it.

Key lowered his head when they walked out of the building in shame. Everyone that saw them would have known what had happened. But maybe it was only because Key was such a private person that he felt the need to do that. Jonghyun, on the other hand, held his chin high, smiled and took a deep breath.

“Come, this way,” Jonghyun said pointing in the way they should go. Somehow Key was starting to feel less cold. Jonghyun was still acting so friendly. He didn’t feel disgusted with him. Yet was it not a bit strange? Was Jonghyun going to ignore what happened? Was Jonghyun to ignore it all?

That was going to kill Key’s appetite for anything. He felt tired again and unsure. He wanted to go home, not to his dorm but home home. Take a train and stay with his grandmother, away from the world.

“What are you thinking about?” Jonghyun asked him, a little bit softer this time. Key pulled his mind back from going three hundred kilometres an hour. The younger met the other’s eyes and all of a sudden they burned.

“Key? Key?” Jonghyun continued to repeat his name but that didn’t stop the other’s lip from trembling.

Oh, how humiliating. Now, here he was, one fine Saturday morning, crying in front of his crush too coward to confess his feelings. Even after they spend the night together and even an idiot would understand it. Jonghyun was just blinking at him, putting his hand’s on Key’s shoulders and shaking him a little.

“Are you alright? You are not hurt?” Jonghyun asked and Key sniffed but nodded. He was fine, at least his body was. But he didn’t know what to do. He wanted Jonghyun to understand. To be once in his life not so dense.

Maybe someone was smiling down on him. The elder grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a building and just like yesterday, Key didn’t pay attention to where he was going. But when he looked up, he saw Jonghyun putting down some money on the counter again.

Key relaxed when they were guided to a private room. One with bad disco lighting and a screen showing so scene of a forgotten drama. Key, at once, sat down on the couch, realising that he was beyond tired, completely ignoring the cheap background music.

Jonghyun sat down, next to him. Close yet not touching him. Which by now was strange. The blonde sighed and finally opened his mouth.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to force you to stay with me. If you want to go home, you can. I even understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Jonghyun’s voice was broken. Barely audible over the music. But still loud and clear for Key. He looked up, lips apart when he heard that. There was a moment of silence while he thought of a way to reply, what he wanted to say.

“I don’t want to stay friends,” He finally said. A strange sense of bravery overcoming him, and he turned to Jonghyun. That bravery fell as soon as he had gotten it when he saw the state Jonghyun was in. The elder had never been so pale.

“Hyung, I like you. I don’t understand why you can’t see that.” Why was Key feeling all these emotions? It was not sitting well there were too many and it was all overwhelming. Somehow, he felt annoyed. He wanted to put it all as Jonghyun’s fault.

“I like you, you know that already,” Jonghyun whispered like he was ashamed to it. Or maybe it was because he knew that he was being scolded. He had given Key so much stress. “I just don’t know—” he started, faltering when he needed to collect the right words.

“I’m scared of myself. You know how I deal with relationships. All the stories I hear and speak about. I don’t trust it anymore. Still, I can’t stop liking you.”

Key rolled his eyes. How it is that they got back into their old conversations? It was always the same thing. Even after Key confessed.

“So? They are other people’s lives. Why don’t you want to write your own story? Don’t you get a chance to fall in love too?” Key tried. He knew that Jonghyun attracted sad love stories. But if only he trusted Key once.

His frustration fell when a tear fell from Jonghyun’s eye and he realised that this was not going the way to should go. Key was not the problem, neither was it the feelings Jonghyun had for him.

“Let me heal you.” Key whispered, pulling Jonghyun into a hug. Maybe things were falling into place. There was something there and finally, it was starting to show. Key had been so selfish with own feelings he had not seen what Jonghyun was trying to hide so well.

Jonghyun’s heart was already broken. The elder didn’t want to put the task on Key’s shoulders to put it all back together again. Both his pride and his fear would not let him. Yet now Jonghyun had confessed more than his favour to Key. He had shown him the mess he was in even if he had not said a word.

Jonghyun gave out a sob; a deep sigh that shook his body. He snuggled into the embrace, his arms pulling Key closer too. And it felt like the blond’s reply. Key closed his eyes, calming his nerves. “Hush, hyung,”

To the younger’s surprise, Jonghyun pulled back and kissed him on the lips —softly and sweetly, it was gratitude that guided that kiss. Nothing more than innocence, contrasting so much against the heated kisses of need last night. No, that was not true. This one little kiss was much, much needier.

Key smiled, his eyes softening, only realising now how the table had turned. He had never been able to image this. This was so far from the fairy tale confession he should have had. This was real and imperfect, and really just such a small step from what they were already.

Jonghyun sniffed, running his sleeve passed his face in a way that would gross people out. Key somehow didn’t mind it this time. Their clothes were dirty already. It just made Jonghyun look more endearing, as a small child would. The blond wanted to look more in control of his emotions. Yet here they were, two complete messes.

This was after all not an easy realisation nor decision they made. They had feelings for each other, that was now clear but what were they going to about it? Why must they both be so stoic? Key looked at Jonghyun that thought it all over and returned his glance with a smile.

“I will hurt you, you know, we’ll both be hurt?” Jonghyun whispered and Key knew it to be true. But that was something that he was already ready for. He had even been willing to hide his feelings until it hurt him. Now though, he didn’t want to have to anymore, even if that meant more extremes.

“I’m quite stubborn, plus it’s not that I have to come out of the closet. You are not the first boyfriend I have had,” Key said feeling that he had the upper hand now. He relaxed leaning back, slouching into the couch. Jonghyun turned to him, looking at him with a little bit of wonder.

“You never told me that you had a boyfriend,” Jonghyun said, and a little hurt. Had Key lied to him?

Key shook his head as if he had heard Jonghyun’s mind. “I have not told you everything about me yet, But now I can,”

Jonghyun relaxed, know that that made sense. Key never had a reason to tell him every single thing, and he now he might get to meet a new part of Key that he might not have met before.

Would it be worth it? From Key' point of view yes. He looked away from Jonghyun's eyes and down; that soft nose, pouting lips, strong jaw, imperfect mole. Yes, for Key this was the right decision.

There was a moment where Jonghyun had to make his choice. Before he finally sighed taking Key's hand and squeezing it.

"Isn't it easier to be sinners? We already confessed." Jonghyun said and it made Key roll his eyes.

"There is really no reason to be so dramatic," he replied since it was the truth. After all, they were the ones that needed to know, no one else than them. And Love could never be a sin.

Key looked at their hands clasped together and felt hopeful. Jonghyun knew him well enough already it felt like they had been dating for a while now even if they had not realized it.

Even Jonghyun stayed silent for a while. They were sitting there in the dim room, cheap disco light dancing around them. How romantic.

Jonghyun chuckled getting Key attention again. After all this time there was something they could be awkward about. What was Key thinking about? He was nervous that was sure, those pretty feline eyes gave that away.

Jonghyun didn't like that. Anything would better than a scared Key. Only then remembering that he had not given Key an answer, not one that was a ‘yes’ and impossible to misunderstand. Still, somehow Jonghyun was lost for words.

What could his lips say? What did Key want to hear? There were so many things Jonghyun wanted to say, yet he didn't trust himself. He closed his eyes, sighing again because the only thing he could do was lean forward.

Their lips pressed sweetly together. Slow and certain Jonghyun lean more and more until Key warned him with a hand and his chest that soon he would lose his balance.

But Jonghyun only opened his lips. Shyly wetting Key lips so that he could decide if he would let him in. What a cute fool, of course, would let him. A small moan broke from Key and he pushed back against the elder.

This was Jonghyun answer to Key's confession. And even if it was not spoken it was now clear. The younger's heart fluttered when finally, he got what he wanted. He could relax, feel happy even just a second.

Just before Jonghyun pushed him down, maybe a little bit too excited because they were allowing themselves this now.

"Hyung," Key whimpered between kisses. This was not the best place to do this and the just got out of a love hotel. Though Jonghyun seemed to like what he was doing too much. That, and he was getting the hang of taking Key’s breath away. There was no way that Key would be about to push him off.

The thing that saved them was the music shutting off with a loud sound and the disco light changing into boring old white light.

“Ah, I think our time is up. I only asked for twenty minutes. Should I ask for more?” Jonghyun said a bit too fast and sheepishly as if it was his fault. He moved away once he realised that he was all up in Key’s bubble too. Wait, was Jonghyun blushing? Did he just confess that he wanted to kiss some more?

Still, Key shook his head. Now, they should not move to fast. Jonghyun was a little too excited but that was okay, he could understand. “Come on, hyung. Let’s go eat something. I’m really hungry,” Key said joking about the truth. He was really hungry at this point. Now that his nerves were settling and the emptiness made him feel the hunger.

“Right, food lets try that,” Jonghyun sniffled once more rubbing his eyes and clear his chest so that he could face the world. He smiled, taking Key’s hand and getting up, stealing a kiss when he pulled the younger up.

The elder seemed to be deciding that this was going to be a good idea after all. Maybe setting with all the possibilities of what they would do now. “Still want stew?” Jonghyun asked him as if the basic food would not be enough.

Out of habit Key took his hand out of Jonghyun’s and nodded when the blond turned to him. They could not walk around holding hand in hand, like that. Still, Jonghyun was smiling like he already understood why.

“Yes, I want stew. And tonight, I want beef.” Key said, wanting to be spoiled. He gave Jonghyun his cutest smile and the Jonghyun giggled back.

“Alright, I’ll take you out on a date,” —a real one. Jonghyun replied opening the door.

Key followed him, light in his step. Words could not really describe his feelings. Finally, he got what he wanted. Maybe a little late but it was better than never. Finally, he could share his feelings with his best friend; no, wait, his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> Thank you for staying here, with me, in the Jongkey ship, in the SHINee fandom. 
> 
> I know that I have not been uploading any personal notes anymore but I do wanted to add this little thing.  
> I am happy that I got the chance to go and see this and celebrate the 11th anniversary with you all. 
> 
> To SHINee with all my heart <3
> 
> Love, JKW


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